1st post, any help please?

[DDT]

Hi everyone, my name is Daniel, 37, my first post here so I apologise if it's in the wrong section etc.

Keeping things simplified I have suffered with Depression and Anxiety for 20 years since losing my Older brother to suicide when I was 16. Over the years I have become extremely familiar with my illness and the complications that come with it, I've dealt with the illness with medication and therapy and always lived my life the best I can. I've had many up's and down's and relapses over the years but luckily good family around me for support.

The reason I have joined this forum is because after all this time I'm beginning to struggle again and was hoping for shared opinions and help from other members as I don't feel I am getting the correct help from doctors etc.

I'm sure we all have the usual expected symptoms that comes with anxiety and depression so I won't bring them into this post but more the ongoing issues I have that are really affecting my life.

Depression is always there but I've realised Anxiety is completely taking over me now, I seem a confident person but inside I'm dying, I can't look people in the eye when I speak with them because I think they are looking at flaws on my face or looking down at me, I struggle to be alone when going out in public, I hold my body differently and end up aching, I have developed Body Dismophia issues that are taking over my thoughts, I constantly Sabotage any positive thoughts in my mind and make them negative.

I just want to be able to hold my head up high and be happy with who I am. But I can't.

I totally believe in medicines as I know they would/could have saved my brother's life should he have seeked help. My problem with therapy is it never helps me, I've had very good therapists but find their techniques weak and unable to make an impact on my thoughts.

I have tried most SSRi's at low levels and currently have been taking fluoxetine for a good few years, at the moment 40mg a day. I like fluoxetine because I don't suffer with too many side effects, (a bit sleepy and hazy sometimes) but I feel I may becoming immune to it as I've been on it so long.

Does anybody with similar issues have any advice on what helps for them and what I could do to improve my situation?

Thank you for anyone who has read this, I appreciate it

Daniel x

[Autumnx1003]

Hi, Daniel. I don't have any real words of wisdom, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. I have many of the same feelings you do, especially the way you said your mind constantly sabotages any positive thoughts. I look around my life every day and know that I am incredibly blessed in so many ways, yet my anxiety and other mental issues stemming from it, prevent me from fully enjoying life's bounty. I struggle with obsessive and irrational "what if?!" thinking constantly, and I can feel the impact it has on my physical body.

Medication has never been my thing, although sometimes I daydream about what it must be like to take a pill and feel better. Ahhhhh....sounds so nice!

Anyway, lately I've been reading about acceptance techniques for dealing with my anxiety, and finding a little comfort in those. Basically, instead of fighting the feelings, I'm just letting them exist freely, which is supposed to release them after a time. Let's hope it works!

Hugs to you, my friend! I'm 38, so we are close to the same age :)


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[Vanilla Sky]

Hello and welcome to NMP :)

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Daniel same boat as you a tad older but only 45 ahh. Can relate to the depression big time it's beast alright anxiety well not as such but I am getting anxious about my life so yes again can relate to that If you fancy a chat in more detail Iam only a pm away as it's lonely existence for those who suffer. ATB Cheers

[DDT]

Really appreciate your kind words, nice to know others care and feel the same,

Thank you very much

Daniel :-)

[Buster70]

Hi , I too have let it take control of my life in recent years , I've been dealing with it since seventeen off and on I'm 46 now , one of the worst things is there have been years when I've just got on with life and enjoyed it so I do remember how good and fun life can be but mainly due to family problems it's become harder to bounce back , attitudes are changing but for my generation it was seen as a weakness and somthing to be ashamed of which I still am so I've cut myself off from freinds and socialising to stop making up excuses, it's exhausting living with anxiety and depression and even harder trying to hide it as well , I'm
Pretty unfit but I've found doing excersize does help stopping the feelings before they take over and walking my dogs has been a life saver in keeping me going out without them I would have given up , I have family but anxiety / depression can make you feel lonely in a room full of people .
You are in the right place for people who will understand before I found a site like this I thought I'd end up in a straight jacket I didn't know other people like me existed .
Take care chap .

[Bigboyuk]

Really appreciate your kind words, nice to know others care and feel the same,

Thank you very much

Daniel :-) It's ok you are welcome :)

[snowghost57]

Welcome and no you are not alone. I tried meds and I'm glad they work for other people, I just don't like the way they covered up my feelings. I stay busy and when creepy thoughts rear their ugly head, I change the channel, focus on something else. Take a walk, listen to music, chat on here, look at facebook. Just do something to head off anxiety. We are all beautiful people and don't let the monster of anxiety tell you any different.

[Catherine S]

Hi Daniel, good to meet you. I agree with Autumn in that after so many years of fighting anxiety, I now just let the symptoms wash over me, because I know they won't kill me, so losing the fear of them lessens their impact and control over me.

It's amazing really, that we even think we can walk through life without it affecting us mentally...it does...every day. Big stuff like you've already experienced (me too with my sister's suicide in the past) and not so big stuff, it all affects our mental state and this in turn affects our physical state through the nervous system. Easy to read about but difficult to endure.

What you're feeling now is just a blip and if you can..as Autumn says..just let the symptoms of anxiety exist and do what they do. They won't be around for too long if you lose your fear of them.

ISB ☺ x

[DDT]

Thanks again for the later lovely comments

[Autumnx1003]

Daniel, how are you feeling today?


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[Bill]

Hello Daniel,

Suicide has closely affected my life too although not quite as closely as yourself but to some extent I think I can under very sad circumstances empathise with you. I feel in the case of the close relative I knew, although he was taking meds, he had tried before so the warning signs were there but no one intervened. I met him on Boxing Day and although we talked about his issues, he kept his plan to himself. A few days later he was gone and of course it was a very upsetting time.

Anyway, it sounds like you're suffering from low self-esteem together with a lack of confidence. It sounds as if they're connected with feelings of depression or rather what I call a depressed state due to your anxiety.

If the meds aren't working, perhaps they could try something different. You also say about the "weak techniques" the therapists suggested. I don't feel I know enough about how your anxiety affects you other than to say to keep putting yourself out there because if people show they enjoy your company as I'm sure they will, it'll improve how you feel about yourself.

Have you seen any counsellors?

I know you've been through a very traumatic time but I'm sure with the right support you'll get there.