When the doctor categorically states there is nothing wrong

[TheGroundhog]

Yet before you have even left the building, you have worked out why she is probably wrong because you omitted to tell her something.

That.

I hate myself at the moment, I am doing everything wrong and i just can't seem to stop.

[Josh1234]

How are you addressing this issue?

[TheGroundhog]

I'm not :(

7 years in CBT and counting, I now just attend a follow up support group, have been coping brilliantly for a loooong time. Then something hugely triggering happened at the beginning of this year, and bam I'm straight back to old behaviours.

I know my stuff and therapy backwards, but it's not stopping me from doing everything I shouldn't. Hence the self loathing.

[Josh1234]

You should consider medication if you havent.

[TheGroundhog]

I'm on mirtazipine and diazepam for when it's unbearable, dose has been upped several weeks ago, I just feel like I'm coming undone at the seams.

[Josh1234]

Mirtazapine is not a good drug for OCD and health anxiety. An SSRI would be a much better option.

[swajj]

You should go back into therapy. Just because you know it backwards doesn't mean you haven't lost perspective. That's what therapists are for.

[TheGroundhog]

I'm in therapy. See above.
I can't take SSRIs they make me suicidal.
I just needed​ to vent really, am slightly at the end of my tether. Don't really have many other places to go.

[swajj]

You said you now just attend a follow up support group. Not the same as one-on-one therapy. You sound like you would benefit from that.

[TheGroundhog]

I don't think my therapist will consider that atm. She has been my therapist for seven years, and she runs the (very small) group. She knows what's going on with me and I thinking is hoping I'll claw my way back out of it. I always have in the past. Everything just feels a bit too much to contend with right now. When you've bounced between ill and well for as long as I have, the here we go again feeling is dreadful, I don't have the energy, I want someone to fix me, I know that's not going to happen.

[swajj]

I remember wanting someone to fix me as well. HA sufferers are so broken. I know I don't have to tell you that although a therapist can help, you really have to fix yourself. ��

---------- Post added at 20:47 ---------- Previous post was at 20:47 ----------

:)

[TheGroundhog]

I know, it's just so bloody tiring. Am better than I was yesterday, got sucked into a proper black hole. Need to focus on onwards and upwards.

[paranoid-viking]

I ususally write down every "symptom" I have and read it from the not at the doctor.