View Full Version : First Panic Attack, I guess?
Hi everyone - this will be a litte long and detailed,
I guess a little background is needed. I am a 27 year old male from the US. I thought I had 'panic attacks' when I was much younger, but I always related them to a problem in my life, i.e. a relationship going bad, being put in stressful situations like public speaking, etc. My father and my grandfather both have panic attacks. However, I cannot speak to either at the moment as my father is out of the country, and my grandfather is not doing so well.
So this past Wednesday, I am in a meeting at work. It's a loose, relaxed meeting. I stand up from it, and I feel shortness of breath. So I walk to the restroom, and I really feel a huge panic, as I can't really catch my breath. So I get back to my desk and try to relax. My heart is beating pretty fast, and I just can't get myself under control. I try drinking water but to no avail. So, I immediately make an appointment at my doctors, and leave work.
On the drive there, I just start panicking real bad, almost to the point where I was going to pull over and call 911. However, there was a hospital about 5 miles away, so I raced down the highway there. I canelled the appointment with my regular doctor, and went in and told them my symptoms.
So, I'm sitting there waiting to give my information, when I start feeling more and more panic. In my mind, I can't believe I'm letting myself lose control so much, but I cannot help it. So I alert the people at the front desk, and they put me in a wheelchair, and wheel me back to the waiting area. About 4 minutes go by before I feel total tingling in my hands, chest, jaw and tongue. So, feeling like I'm about to die, I speed up there and tell them (to the best of my ability, what is going on). They put the oxygen mask over me and tell me to breathe slower, as I'm hyperventalating. After about 10 minutes that all goes away, and I go back to the waiting room, and where my girlfriend and I sit for 3.5 hours.
I finally get back there, they hook me up to the EKG, they draw tons of blood, and they take x-rays. So, after a while of uncomfortable sitting, the doc comes back in and says, " Guess what? You're normal!" My tests look really good, he said, and that I probably had a panic attack. I felt good, but at the same time, bad because I almost wanted there to be something wrong, so they could go in there and just fix it. He gives me an Ativan, and sends me on my way, with a prescription for more of the medication.
So the next day I'm feeling a little better, but my breathing is still not great. It's hard for me to take a deep breath sometimes. The same goes for Friday. On Saturday, my girlfriend and I decide to go for a drive, maybe do a little shopping. I wanted to drive, because I thought it would keep my mind from wandering. Instead, about half way to the place, I start to freak out again (and this is after I took an Ativan). So we turn aorund and head back home, with my hands tingling again. We get home and just sit around, trying to relax.
Sunday was my best day so far, as the breathing is still funny, and the heart rate is still steady (a little higher than normal), but I'm not feeling crappy - I'm trying to be positive. I excersied with my nephew by playing basketball and whiffle ball, and I didn't have any huge breathing difficulties then. So in my mind, I say, "if you didn't have a problem them, then you really, truly don't have a physical problem."
I make an appointment for my regular doctor today, Monday. I felt 'panicky' in the waiting room, and when his door opened and he called my name, it was very relieving. He listened to my lungs closely, and said that they sound perfect. He had me fill out a questionaire about mood disorder or something. Anyway, he agreed that it was a panic attack, though he took my blood because the hospital didn't check for my thyroid. He gave me some Lexapro, and some more Ativan as well.
So here I sit. I'm a little anxious (I took both a Lexapro and an Ativan today), and my breathing is weird (my throat feels a little tight), but I want to get better. In my mind, there's something physical, as this has gone on for what seems like an eternity. But all of the tests say otherwise.
This is maddening. I have missed a few days of work now. Things are going really well in my life - girlfriend is great, money is fine, work can be stressful but nothing I lose sleep over. I want to feel better SO badly but everyday I wake up and it's the same story.
So, any comments/suggestions/anything? If you're read this all, thank you very much...
***Edit*** I wanted to add as well - I have no trouble sleeping. Once I fall asleep, I am good to go for 10-12 hours, only waking up because of my cats or I have to go to the bathroom. But I never wake up in a panic or because I can't breathe. My girlfriend wakes up every 2-3 hours to check me out, and says I'm perfectly fine - even snoring less. :)
yorkylover
30-04-07, 23:42
Hi and :welcome: Your alone.There is lots of help and support here,and we all understand how you feel.:hugs:
honeybee3939
01-05-07, 19:20
Hi Mark
And welcome to NMP, its lovely to see you here, im sure you will get some great advice while making new friends on the way.:)
Take a look at the Symptoms, How to Cope and First Step Pages that are sittuated at the left hand side of this page, you will find some great information that will help too.
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
sounds very very similar to me mate, all the same types of symptoms and similar mindset, desperate for them to find something, and even though i rationally know that after 4months it MUST be panic attacks and not something more serious, there is still a part of me that questions what if. i seem to think i know better than every test going and doctor i see! im now starting to see a councellor and have another doctors appointment tomorrow to see if there are any other options. for me personally it has been a long and incredibly tough 4months, certainly the worst in my short life to date(im only 20!)- this is again strange as similar to you i have an incredibly happy life, a v long term, wonderful g/f, lots of mates, doin pretty well at uni etc etc. just often makes you question why me>?! im unfortunately not someone able to hand you a quick fix "this'll make it go away". i just hope you find a way as quickly as possible. i hope hearin there is someone in a similar situation makes you feel a bit better about things and reduces the worry in your mind.gd luck mate.
I'm giving an update because I guess it helps to write.
It's funny the things your mind goes through. I find myself looking for a root cause. It causes a lot of soul-searching, right to the depths of your subconscious. But I think that's what we naturally do, right? We want to place blame somewhere, and I'm not sure I am ready to accept that panic attacks can just 'happen.' I've reviewed my job, my relationship to my lady of over 5 years, my friends, my money, etc.....
But I keep going back to that day, and thinking, "how was I feeling before it started?" And the answer is "content." Work is stressful but I don't lose sleep over it. My family is good, my relationship is great, my friends are doing okay - I'm not broke... I just didn't feel any worry. 30 minutes later, I'm in the hospital, hyperventalating so bad that my fingers freeze, as well as my jaw and tongue.
So, I've gone back to work, and the doctor has me taking Lexapro, Ativan, and now Buspar. The Ativans he gave me were .5 MG - which really do not do anything for me, so I had to take two at a time. But, he seems hesitant in giving me a higher dosage, so he gave me Buspar instead, a drug I know little about, nor do I know anyone who has taken it before. I just got it yesterday so I have no opinion of it.
Still though, I find myself concentrating on my breathing - a lot. Like if I take a breath, but I somehow feel that I didn't get enough oxygen, then it will send me off into this pattern of taking breaths until I get a full one - usually only done by yawning. However if I'm doing something that can really grab my attention (like playing a good video game), there is not a problem - I don't think about it, and I don't feel weird. It's as if I have to train myself to breathe properly again.
So, I'm existing and I'm not depressed, but this certainly does stink. My dad, who has had plenty of experience with panic attacks, said I should really start practicing "belly breathing" when I'm lying in bed or just when I'm sitting around. He's always felt that a lot of people naturally have a fear of being overweight (both he and I are not, though I could lose a little around the belly ;) ) - so we often keep our stomachs tight and in. For him, he feels this has always restricted something - whether it be energy or airflow. But he said that doing this really helps him relax and get under control. Sometimes though, I'm afraid to do this, because concentraing on my breathing often gets me anxious. UGH.
I guess this is all a game of trying to figure out how to contorl it, instead of letting it control you. Thanks for reading...
Hi Marklar,
Again I don't have any answers for you but your story mirrored mine, 3 weeks ago in a training session, feeding back info from a workshop, I was nearing the end of the feedback when I felt I couldnt breathe, throat blocked, tingling feeling sick sweating buckets etc etc. I like you have nop obvious cause of worry or stress in my life and here I am a shivering wreck at the thought of having to go get shopping. It is totally crazy :wacko:
hi marklar
my panic attacks actually started when i was living in the US, which i did for five years in 1980 (i was 23). I had a major breakdown and was in a psychiatric ward for 4 weeks (very scary). Anyway, i did'nt know what was happening - i was just convinced there was something wrong with me.
I have been well for many years until recently. One day I just could'nt get my breath, I fely dizzy, light headed and thought i was going to pass out. My main problem, like you is with my breathing. However hard i try to tell myself "this is a panic attack - keep calm" its very very hard.
This site has a lot of good advice on breathing technics, I find the 7-11 is very good.
Its good to know you are not alone.
Keep well
Judi
Hey there,
I'm 28 in a few weeks, and also male, although I'm in Scotland. I've been there, had it really bad for a period of about 5 years. I've suffered from panic attacks, which led to agoraphobia, which led to depression and social anxiety, which led to OCD, and even at a couple of stages, considering "best ways" to go out, because I couldn't live with the fear and stress of the experiences.
I'm a very open bloke, so I don't find participating here an issue against my pride. Initially yes, but when you talk to people who go through the same things you find having such experiences is a condition in itself. I know what you mean about the physical side - at least if there was something wrong you'd know and deal with it. But because its a psychologically connected/triggered thing, you can't put that in a cast.
"Belly breathing" (diaphramic?) really does help, because you feel like you're getting a full breath, instead of the tense half-breaths you take when anxious. Think about breathing naturally - but don't let it take over your thoughts, just go with the groove and be aware that when you're in the middle of these experiences, its more a case of riding the storm, as opposed to fighting it.
I assure you that you're not doomed, in fact the outlook is bright. My life is currently as normal as its ever been, hell, I'm even going into town and getting my own shopping - on my own! (That really is a huge step for me). I think it'll always be a part of me, and there are times when I'm borderline panic - only now I am able to cope, deal with, understand and overcome them more times than I don't.
So hang in there, as hopeless as it can make you feel, you can and will win.
Again, I'm updating because it just helps to write. It's been a while...
So, I found that Buspar was really, really horrible stuff for me to take. It made me really anxious, almost hyper. After about 2 weeks of taking it I stopped - and I went to another doctor and asked for a change from the Lexapro, as it was over a month of me taking that and I didn't feel a change. So, the doc gave me Effexor, as well as more Ativan.
After about a month, I feel a change for the better. I would wake up, always take the Effexor, and only take an Ativan if I felt the "jitters." Usually, I ended up feeling jittery at least once during the day, so I was averaging about 1 Ativan per day (1 milligram). My dad suggested that if you feel the jitters, for the time being, don't feel as though you have to fight it - take the darn medicine, and remind yourself of what it feels like to feel 'normal.' With this advice in mind, things start going well...
The girlfriend and I start house hunting in July. Stressful, sure - but really exciting. Everything was going well, and by the end of the month, I reached the point where I stopped taking Ativan all together (but still 2 Effexor a day). This was big for me, as Ativan is truly my safety net. I always have one on me wherever I am. With one always by my side, the no-Ativan method lasted about a month.
Then one day in early September, the girlfriend and I are driving to the new house to do some work, when we start arguing about something (stupid, I might add). This suddenly brings on that adrenaline rush that I'm all-too familiar with. Soon I can't wait to make it home where I can just lay down and be in a somewhat familiar environment. I was so angry that I started to have one - I was doing so well.
Fast forward to now (as nothing has really changed), work has been seriously stressful, but again it's nothing I lose sleep over. The new house is really a remarkable feeling, and the girl and I will be getting engaged soon. But I'm back to my routine - 2 Effexor and 1 Ativan in the morning, and I'm all set. I never, ever take anything else the rest of the day. But I don't want to take medication for the rest of my life, you know? Further, my doctor has been very good with refilling my presecription for Ativan, but I can tell he's always a little hesitant and does not want me to become dependent on it. Plus, I know they have so many cases of people who just want the medicine for more recreational use than what they're normally used for, so they want to curtail that as much as possible - which is fine. The amount of lawsuits brought on against doctors here is staggering, so I guess you always have to watch your step. But I really believe that Ativan is just about all I need - but all I want to do is try to ween myself off of it again, to the point where I only take it in emergencies. I think I often feel too scared to not take it one day because I don't want to have another attack. I guess it's human instinct to want to avoid the worst thing you have ever felt...
One of the comforts of this site is that one reads the same frightening symptoms over and over again, and one begins to realise that these symptoms are all part of it, and that we all have similar experiences.
My worst ever panic attack was last christmas, and this was the first time I had experienced my hands and arms goign numb - a classic sign of hyperventilating I later found out. (only after I had taken myself to the nearest Hostpital!)
"it happened after a meeting at work....
"adreneline rush...."
"cannot catch my breath...."
"heart racing/palpitations..."
These are all so familiar.
Your Dad's comment about deep abdominal breathing is intereresting. I realised that I tend to avod this because of "keeping my stomach in" the other day, and now try to practice breathing slowly (breath in for a count "one and two and three" and out for the same count) I find this really helps.
:) hi guys,i just want tolet you know that the longer you have anxiety/panic the more you understand it and accept it.
its about perspective,i have felt exactly the same horrible adrenaline rushes as you,mine feel like molten metalis being poured through my arms, ive been rooted to the spot almost rendered incapable of movement:wacko: i have been convinced i have gone mad, and i have taken ativan, diazepam, propranolol and prozac for all of this. but i have never gone to the hospital,although once when i was 19 the doctor was called - oh yeah ive also been addicted to sleeping tabs for a year(zimovane) when i was given sleeping tabs and reassured.
anyway,my point to you is that wha tyour experiencing - a need for there to be a physical cause,a need to find a reason,and the constant ruminating about wha tis happening to you are all part and parcel of the experience of anxiety,as is strange thoughts and depression.
go back to the initial attack at your office,and imagine yourself NOT fighting that attack,actually just sitting somewhere quiet(rest-room? we call it the toilet) and letting those feelings wash over you? you were experiencing the primitive fight/flight reaction to some unconcious mental process, usually a reaaction to a physical symptom, where we then begin to say'what was that/ what does that mean. does that mean something terrible is going to happen?'
not sure what you were saying to yourself, in some ways you ,may not even know - like i say the longer you are aquainted with it the quicker you can catch these thoughts that start it all off. so you felt something wasnt right and you reacted in a catostophic manner which only adds adrenaline, you were really wanting to run from those feelings? but where to? there is no emergency, just physical symptoms of the fight/flight response,which is why when you got attention and got that mask on you, you stopped hyperventilating and your bodies chemistry came back into balance.
if there was a genuine emergency, that amount of adrenaline would either have helped you move mountains(ppl who lift cars off other ppl are experiencing this) or you would be able to get the hell out of there!!!!! but because there is no emergency your just left with this horriblehorrible feeling.
once you accept this is all it is and you sit with them instead of running the whole thing comes into perspective. there doesnt have to be a reason, it just happens,it is a primitive life saving reaction in thre body,but its the way you react to it,that determines whether you cope with it or dont?
Hi again,
Thanks to everyone for the comments. I apologze in advance for typo's, as I'm on a laptop which seems to have trouble keeping up with my typing (and I'm not a speed demon - which makes it more annnoying).
So it's been over a year and a half now. There have been times (usually around 2 months) in which I have been able to not take an Ativan. Then I unfortunately experience a panic attack and the cycle begins again. So my fiancee and I are in Sams Club a couple of months ago, and this will sound nuts but here goes anyway. We're walking up an aisle and I see a really old woman, and she looks very sick. For some reason, this triggered something inside of me, and I felt the adrenaline start to rush. I leave the store, lay down in he car, take an Ativan - everything is all good 30 minutes later.
But about the 'trigger,' I realized that maybe I have a fear of death? I mean, not many people truly want to die - but not many people really fixate on the possibility. So when I saw that old woman, I think it went through my head that she could drop dead right there in front of me... and that I or my fiancee or anyone could go through the same thing. I think that's what raced through my mind in .000002 seconds.
After that, I finally went to see a psychiatrist. It's weird - maybe many offices are like this, but they asked me before I made the appointment, "Do you want therapy or medication?" I was under the impression that you have therapy sessions with psychiatrists but that they can also give medication. With this place, you see a regular therapist, and then you have a separate appointment with the psychiatrist. So I just said I want to see a psych - and now I realize that he just asks questions about how my medication is going. Strange...
Anyway, he took me off of Effexor as it obviously does not prevent my panic attacks. He put me on Prisiq. I've only been on it for about 4 weeks now so I do not have an opinion yet. Here's hoping it helps. But I still think some therapy sessions would be good. I just have a tough time seeing two different people in the same place, having to pay the "co-pay" for each visit. I'd like an all-in-one doctor. It would be nice to find a doctor that specializes in panic attacks around Philadelphia as well, but I haven't been successful with that search.
Anyway, thanks for reading. As I've said before, it helps to write!
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