View Full Version : lymph node anxiety is ruining my life, i feel therapy isn't helping
I can't think about anything else other than the swollen lymph node in my neck. I have now convinced myself that my lymph nodes in my armpits are swollen even though my doctor checked last week and only found one in my neck which he said for a swollen gland was small. I go around all day angry at my family because they won't accept that I have lymphoma, and I have convinced myself I have it. I just don't see a way out of this, I am working so hard, doing my therapists homework and going every week, but I feel like I won't be happy unless I get a biopsy.
I have the same - I'm trying to work with therapist but he's asking rather about my parents relations than my actual fears. I feel like I cant move on until I resolve my lymph node problem. How can I work over my mind when I'm afraid I have lymphoma and docs are wrong.
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I am working so hard, doing my therapists homework and going every week
Does your therapist know that you're posting here? If not, it's imperative you discuss it as reassurance seeking is counter productive to the work you're doing IMO.
Positive thoughts
He doesn't know, but he knows I reassurance seek a lot in general. I am just medically worried about my symptoms and it is hard to deal with the anxiety of not knowing if you have something. I read something on here about a woman who was anxious and did end up having lymphoma, so it is very possible
But you've been to a doctor who isn't concerned. Why would internet randoms who can't even examine you give you any more reassurance?
He doesn't know, but he knows I reassurance seek a lot in general.
"it's imperative you discuss it as reassurance seeking is counter productive to the work you're doing IMO."
Positive thoughts
Are you on medication? You should be, if therapy alone isn't helping.
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 01:13
Therapy takes time, it can also fail. Sometimes changes in strategy are needed. Sometimes more courses are needed.
It took ages for me to get to a better place and it really started moving forward after I had finished 12 sessions of CBT. Especially at the start it felt like I was making no advances whatsoever.
Keep trying. You are trying to get your subconscious to change and that isn't such a quick process.
Every negative will be fighting against that recovery process and slow it down. Make sure your therapist knows exactly the things you do so they can help you plan against them.
Until you turn corners, you don't feel change. When you start turning them, you will know it's possible.
When I was at my worst, I was sitting afraid to move from the settee all day long and scared of washing, eating or even brushing my teeth with hundreds of OCD compulsions per day. I'm a million miles away from that now but back then it felt I would never get the slightest bit better.
GlassPinata
26-04-17, 05:30
I can't think about anything else other than the swollen lymph node in my neck. I have now convinced myself that my lymph nodes in my armpits are swollen even though my doctor checked last week and only found one in my neck which he said for a swollen gland was small. I go around all day angry at my family because they won't accept that I have lymphoma, and I have convinced myself I have it. I just don't see a way out of this, I am working so hard, doing my therapists homework and going every week, but I feel like I won't be happy unless I get a biopsy.
You need to understand that even if the lymph node issue is "resolved" to your satisfaction- that is, even if they biopsy it and the results come back negative for cancer- something else will replace it that will be just as bad, or possibly worse.
I know this doesn't seem possible to you at this time. i know you feel that if your lymph node issue were resolved, you could move on with your life and everything would be fine and dandy. But it isn't true.
Your lymph node is not the issue.
The issue is that you are psychologically ill, and your illness is anxiety disorder.
Resolving the lymph node issue will not help you one bit, because your anxiety will DEMAND another focus, if you remove its current one. it will immediately attach itself to a different focus- you'll find another lump elsewhere on your body, or something equally horrifying to fixate on- and you won't feel any better, you'll actually feel worse, and then you'll need to resolve THAT issue before you can get treatment for the anxiety, and the cycle will continue on and on, and you'll never get to the real root of the problem, which is treating your anxiety.
However, if you just suck it up and IGNORE the f'ing lymph node (and all your terrible feelings about it) long enough to receive treatment for your anxiety disorder... then the lymph node will no longer matter. It will become irrelevant. Because it IS irrelevant, except as a focus for your psychological disorder, and it is only your disorder that will not allow you to perceive that.
Just my opinion based upon personal experience. best wishes.
I'm trying to ignore the lymph node but I am having more physical symptoms-the lymph nodes under my arms and in my groin now hurt really badly. I just can't tell if it is phantom pain or not. And then I think the lymph node in my neck is still there but I don't think it's growing which is good. I'm wondering if I could have some lymphoma that has spread to under my arms and groin? It's just hard dealing with real pain
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 15:06
I'm trying to ignore the lymph node but I am having more physical symptoms-the lymph nodes under my arms and in my groin now hurt really badly. I just can't tell if it is phantom pain or not. And then I think the lymph node in my neck is still there but I don't think it's growing which is good. I'm wondering if I could have some lymphoma that has spread to under my arms and groin? It's just hard dealing with real pain
Pain can be psychosomatic! You are thinking about it and it's making yourself hurt. Also you being upset with your family isn't good.
my doctor checked last week and only found one in my neck which he said for a swollen gland was small.
This negates absolutely everything you have said subsequently.
the lymph nodes under my arms and in my groin now hurt really badly
No, you have pain in your arm and groin. You've decided this is your lymph nodes.
Concentrating on parts of your body, combined with poking and prodding, will make them hurt.
When you take antibiotics, you're often on the next to the last tablet before you start to feel better. You don't pop a few and then feel cured. Why should therapy be any different?
The difference between antibiotics and therapy, however, is you just pop the antibiotics and they work. Therapy is hard work you have to do yourself. Coming on here talking about lymph nodes and how rubbish your doctors are and how you're convinced you have lymphoma and no-one understands is essentially sitting back and waiting for the therapy to work, while sabotaging it with unhealthy practices and a refusal to change the way you think.
Well I'm worried that some things popped up since I last saw him, real physical things. The node in my neck seems to be growing
Well I'm worried that some things popped up since I last saw him, real physical things. The node in my neck seems to be growing
So you went to a doctor thinking you had a lymph node problem.
There was no lymph node problem.
A week later - a lymph node problem!
This is the kind of irrational thinking we HAers have to work to learn to discount.
---------- Post added at 15:52 ---------- Previous post was at 15:51 ----------
The biggest enemy of we health anxious people is the seductive voice that whispers in our ears...
...
...
...
"...what if this time it's real?"
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 16:02
Well I'm worried that some things popped up since I last saw him, real physical things. The node in my neck seems to be growing
Do you have acne? the nodes in my neck and behind my ears regularly swell because of pimples
no, no acne. doctor said to come back if "lymph nodes start popping up everywhere" and im worried now they are. im not sure if i should go back to a doctor, or hold out a week? my dad is fed up and says I should just see a doctor.
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 16:09
no, no acne. doctor said to come back if "lymph nodes start popping up everywhere" and im worried now they are. im not sure if i should go back to a doctor, or hold out a week? my dad is fed up and says I should just see a doctor.
Do you have allergies my friend? They cam cause swelling and its allergy season. I'm pretty sure you are ok. Do you play any games? They are good for distraction
no allergies either. basically just unexplained lymph nodes popping up everywhere on my body.
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 16:21
no allergies either. basically just unexplained lymph nodes popping up everywhere on my body.
Some people can feel their lymph nodes 24/7. Maybe yours are always like that but NOW you are focused on them and making it worse.
Do you have a therapist you can ring?
seeing a therapist today, and hopefully startng medication soon, he is coordinating it.
decided to wait until next week to see the doctor again even though i wanna go right now. the probability is it isn't anything, even though i feel like it is
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 16:36
seeing a therapist today, and hopefully startng medication soon, he is coordinating it.
decided to wait until next week to see the doctor again even though i wanna go right now. the probability is it isn't anything, even though i feel like it is
I'm glad you are seeing someone! That is the first step :) :hugs:
I'm just so scared, I do have most of the symptoms of lymphoma, and I just don't see any other way around this. I keep thinking soon I will lose my hair.
ScaredLizard
26-04-17, 17:33
I'm just so scared, I do have most of the symptoms of lymphoma, and I just don't see any other way around this. I keep thinking soon I will lose my hair.
You really don't. You have symptoms of anxiety. Maybe you should get off the forum and find something to distract you. :hugs: feel better
I have just been through 5 months of hell with this anxiety. I have had exactly the same thoughts and I know exactly how you feel because I have felt this way.
I've had a few weeks almost anxiety free and I'll tell how.
You have to realise you cannot put your life on hold forever just "waiting for a diagnosis". I honestly woke up one day and said I'm not touching this lump in my neck and low and behold, it actually shrunk in about a months time. It's still there, but not prominent at all anymore because I'm not molesting it every hour of everyday.
We can all tell you how normal lymph nodes are but you won't listen because you can't comprehend that lymph nodes can be normal at this point in your anxiety.
The truth is though, that you haven't seen lymphoma. You may have read about it, heard about a relative or friend who has it and are being treated etc. But you, yourself have probably not seen it so your mind fills in those gaps of "what lymphoma must be like" so you subconciously await symptoms.
Lymphoma symptoms aren't something that just come like a common cold and vanish in a few days, or stop and start. They are continous and get worse.
Your fearing misdiagnosis, but do you know what? if everyone in the world shared this anxiety then they would notice things and obsess over them and worry about misdiagnosis too. I truly believe everyone has something "odd" such as swollen lymphnodes, or a rash, or a mole or chest pains that come out of nowhere.
You have one lymphnode in your neck, your neck has chains of lymphnodes. If you had lymphoma, I'm pretty certain it wouldn't just be one lymphnode in your neck that remained enlarged for a long period of time.
Inbox me if you need a friend, I do understand the fear, I've been through it myself but honestly, at the end of the day it almost becomes a choice.
Do you choose to keep reading, touching your node a spiraling?
or do you wake up, keep busy and try to forget even though I know its hard.
Eventually, the anxiety subsides if you stop making it this huge thing in your brain.
I have just been through 5 months of hell with this anxiety. I have had exactly the same thoughts and I know exactly how you feel because I have felt this way.
I've had a few weeks almost anxiety free and I'll tell how.
You have to realise you cannot put your life on hold forever just "waiting for a diagnosis". I honestly woke up one day and said I'm not touching this lump in my neck and low and behold, it actually shrunk in about a months time. It's still there, but not prominent at all anymore because I'm not molesting it every hour of everyday.
We can all tell you how normal lymph nodes are but you won't listen because you can't comprehend that lymph nodes can be normal at this point in your anxiety.
The truth is though, that you haven't seen lymphoma. You may have read about it, heard about a relative or friend who has it and are being treated etc. But you, yourself have probably not seen it so your mind fills in those gaps of "what lymphoma must be like" so you subconciously await symptoms.
Lymphoma symptoms aren't something that just come like a common cold and vanish in a few days, or stop and start. They are continous and get worse.
Your fearing misdiagnosis, but do you know what? if everyone in the world shared this anxiety then they would notice things and obsess over them and worry about misdiagnosis too. I truly believe everyone has something "odd" such as swollen lymphnodes, or a rash, or a mole or chest pains that come out of nowhere.
You have one lymphnode in your neck, your neck has chains of lymphnodes. If you had lymphoma, I'm pretty certain it wouldn't just be one lymphnode in your neck that remained enlarged for a long period of time.
Inbox me if you need a friend, I do understand the fear, I've been through it myself but honestly, at the end of the day it almost becomes a choice.
Do you choose to keep reading, touching your node a spiraling?
or do you wake up, keep busy and try to forget even though I know its hard.
Eventually, the anxiety subsides if you stop making it this huge thing in your brain.
Thanks Mav for this so much. I have messaged you
I understand how you feel, I still have some lymph nodes that were swollen for over about 4 or 5 years... they are about 1cm and never changed in size. Probably we should stop worrying because if you who only have 1 enlarged lymph node are worried, then imagine how would I be...
Even if 5 doctors over these years told me it's nothing and performed me blood tests, x-rays and ultrasound I still have to deal with HA... we will always have that feeling "what if it's lymphoma?" We can't take it out because if we once thought about it, that idea won't dissapear. The symphtoms that you describe are HA related. Like I said in one of my posts, the symphtoms only occur when I'm worried. So it's obvious.
I'm playing PS4 games and PC games to kill time. Some days I don't know how to kill time and it's awful but I think my HA problem popped out because I don't have many friends, I'm always alone, my life is boring. I think when we have a lot of free time, bad things like depression or HA happen.
What do you think guys?
I agree, I broke up with a boyfriend and my anxiety spiked. I have more alone time. And I was sick with the flu and dental infections for two months which really scared me. I am trying to just live my life but I keep obsessing about all my lymph nodes. Maybe the pain could be somewhat in my head since a doctor check them two weeks ago and cancer wouldn't just spring up in a week?
Are you touching your lymph nodes a lot trying to figure out every single minut or hour or day if they changed in size? Please don't do that, I used to feel pain because I wasn't able to stop touching them.
Thank you all. I followed up at my GP office and he said my node was barely swollen and there wasn't any swelling in other parts.
he did, however, take a blood test, so i am worried he is testing for some sorts of cancer or something will come up
MyNameIsTerry
27-04-17, 16:34
Thank you all. I followed up at my GP office and he said my node was barely swollen and there wasn't any swelling in other parts.
he did, however, take a blood test, so i am worried he is testing for some sorts of cancer or something will come up
Or he is just ruling various things out or taking a "looksee". Doctors in the UK are famous for overuse of blood testing like this. I can remember my GP once mentioning how the local trust were even monitoring & clamping down on them due to the costs.
So, perhaps all you have here is a cautious doctor?
well im in the US, he said he was just testing for mono, and that he wasn't testing for anything "life threatening". he dismissed the lymphoma worry as highly unlikely and just said my tonsils looked swollen so it might be good to test for mono
MyNameIsTerry
27-04-17, 16:48
He's been quite clear what he's testing for then. The thoughts of anything outside of this are all anxiety and whilst it's the nature of these disorders, try to keep what your doctor has said as your conscious judgement of the situation. Try not to let yourself go down the negative thinking route, the "what ifs", for instance.
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