First post, could really do with some help :/

[Christopherh92]

Hey everyone, So I suffer from GAD for around 5 years, Emetophobia for 20 years and most recetly, panic disorder and PTSD (which apparently Ive had for 20 years but never been diagnosed).

When it was just my generalised anxiety affecting me, I just about managed, I could push myself to go out on weekends, go to college and sometimes if I was feeling really brave, go on a day out... but more recently (about 3 weeks ago) I developed a very harsh panic disorder.

I used to have the odd panic attack when I had my GAD, and as horrible as they were, they were over within 15 minutes..
But since Ive developed this panic disorder, Ive basically become agoraphobic.. I struggle greatly to leave the house in fear of having panics, and when I actually fo have panics, even at home, they last hours.. which I didnt even think was possible. My anxiety reaches level 10, I het horrible symptoms, I get do incredibly tired I cant do anything, my motivation drops which even stops me from watching tv shows or playing games amd I basically just become paralysed with fear, even as much as moving makes things worse for me, and although I am physicslly and mentally tired out, I cant sleep because closing my eyes makes me feel worse again..

Please tell me there are others out there who experience this? What do you do when this happens?

Btw, I've been on 30mg citalopram for 4 months, and Im asthmatic so benzo's / xanax is out of the question :/
Ive also had CBT, exposure therapy, and I am trying CEST with an alpha stim but none seemed to have worked.. :/

[Mindprison]

Hey Christopher, welcome to the forum :welcome:

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, I assure you that you'll find many like minded people on here doing their best to beat the beast that is anxiety, myself included.

I'm not agoraphobic, but my anxiety has been making it difficult to go out and about without feeling like i'm about to pass out from dizziness. Currently my derealization is in full swing and it's sucking the fun out of things I used to enjoy. My main problem is Health Anxiety and it moves to different things, the current one being worried about my heart.

I take Mirtazapine but I was on Citalopram for about 8 years or so, it became quite difficult to tell whether it was working or not. If the citalopram doesn't seem to be doing anything and you've tried therapy, it might be worth asking your doctor to refer you on to a psychiatrist. I see a psych right now and they're a lot more clued up on certain medications that you could try instead or alongside any current medication you're on. They'll take your medical history into account as well.

It's a hard road, I know, but it won't last forever. Just take it one step at a time, see what works and what doesn't. Once you find something that works for you, you'll be in a much better mindset and i'm certain you'll be able to pull yourself out of this rut you're in.

All the best and I hope you get some good support from here as I have!

[Bill]

As Mindprison says, you'll find a lot of people here who will empathise with what you're going through.

It sounds like a fairly typical scenario. You say you suffered a harsh panic about 3 weeks ago. Something will have triggered it. Perhaps you've been feeling under a lot of stress, just had a particularly bad day, something happened that day or you had a thought which frightened you but whatever stress you were suffering and for whatever reason, that'll be why you suffered the panic.

What happens then is the panic instils "a fear of feeling fear" or put simply, fear of experiencing further panics when you're out and about. This fear then makes you feel too afraid to go out so you stay home causing you to become agoraphobic.

By staying home, you feel you're in a safe place but what really happens is home becomes your prison because you're too afraid to go out. This feeling of being forced by fear to stay home then makes you feel trapped with no escape.

The stress you then feel from feeling unable to break free from your home then creates a constant feeling of fear in what you considered to be your safe place which means you feel constantly anxious which would mean your panics could last for hours because you're unable to escape the anxiety.

Anxiety then controls your life sapping you of all your energy and enjoyment in life which can then lead to feeling very depressed.

Your mind will be in a cycle of fear. Fear - Worry - Anxiety - Symptoms - Fear - Worry - Anxiety. This of course will also affect your sleep because you're constantly anxious.

Also, what often happens in people is what I call the parrot in the cage. A parrot that feels trapped will pluck it's feathers out whereas what we do is analyse every symptom that surfaces in that cycle so we end up with health anxiety plucking our own bodies so to speak.

You say you've tried CBT but perhaps it's time you asked for more help as the only way you can escape your anxiety is by feeling able to go out again. You can do this for yourself too because you can build confidence for yourself by taking small steps. For instance, try stepping out the door, breathe the fresh air and just stand there a while. See how you feel. If you start feeling panicky, stay there. You'll feel panicky in your home so why not experience the panic on your doorstep. See what it does. It won't harm you just like it hasn't before.

Take long deep breaths to learn how to counteract the panic feelings. After a while, the panic will subside. It can only reach a peak of making you feel uncomfortable but do no more.

The next step when you're ready would be to walk a short distance down the road and back and do exactly as you did before to control your breathing. Remember, panics are caused by fast shallow breathing so you need to take long deep breaths.

After walking down the road and back, attempt walking a bit further.

Gradually you'll re-learn and build your confidence back up to prove to yourself there's actually nothing to fear other than fear itself and fear can't actually harm you.

If you feel you can't manage yourself, find a friend to help you or if not, go back for CBT to see a therapist.

See how you go but remember, if you stay indoors, you'll never overcome it. It just takes practise, willpower, patience and the right techniques.