Therapist says next step is to accept

[Benjammin69]

Hi all,

I have just finished my weekly therapy session and this week she has set me a challenge to accept the uncomfortableness... so to feel comfortable feeling uncomfortable..

She has said that once I accept the anxiety and stop fighting it - it will lessen in intensity and slowly I will get
Over it....

My question is :- has anyone done this before! How did you do it
Without a constant battle in your head? My first acceptance day is tomorrow


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[MyNameIsTerry]

Didn't she provide you with exampls of how to do this? She should do or it's not very helpful.

This one is a really hard battle. It feels unnatural because we are trying to stop ourselves reacting to fight or flight.

It can depend on your thoughts. If you are reacting with negatives in that you allow your conscious mind to engage in negative thinking about your situation or symptoms, it will mean overthinking and focussing too much on them. Therefore learning not to react that way helps because it doesn't feed back into that cycle. If you have compulsions, stoppig yourself wit various techniques does the same.

[snowghost57]

I don't believe I ever heard of accepting anxiety this way, "accept the uncomfortableness"? I have heard that we can accept the anxiety and let it flow out of us. I agree with Terry. For example since I'm short, I have to use a stool to reach my spices, every time I do, I gripe and grumble and have all these negative thoughts, and then I get mad when the little jars fall on the floor, I wish I was taller, and the list goes on. Then I'm frustrated cause I can't find the spice I need, I wasted time, now I have to rush to get supper finished on time. Seriously? I do this every time I cook! So this time, I relaxed, and just enjoyed the nice scents the herbs had. It might sound silly but it made me realize something as small is this, sends me into negative thoughts and I get all up tight, for what? Nothing. Life is to short.

[Citydeer]

My therapist gave me this advice too, for me it was to deal with my panic attacks. What would usually happen is that I would be feeling okay, but then a sense of dread and discomfort would come over me. As this starts to happen, I would usually start to get worked up and my thoughts would go something like "oh no, not this feeling again, why am I feeling this, how do I stop it, this is awful, why can't I just feel normal, what if I am mentally ill forever"

The acceptance strategy she told me to try is rather than feeding into the panic as I did with the thoughts above, I should think accepting thoughts like "Okay, I feel uncomfortable right now, and that is fine. I can accept being uncomfortable. It doesn't mean anything bad will happen. It will pass." I guess the point is that sometimes by trying to fight panic or anxiety, we simply feed into it more and scare ourselves with our own emotions, and then they spiral.

[Benjammin69]

My therapist gave me this advice too, for me it was to deal with my panic attacks. What would usually happen is that I would be feeling okay, but then a sense of dread and discomfort would come over me. As this starts to happen, I would usually start to get worked up and my thoughts would go something like "oh no, not this feeling again, why am I feeling this, how do I stop it, this is awful, why can't I just feel normal, what if I am mentally ill forever"

The acceptance strategy she told me to try is rather than feeding into the panic as I did with the thoughts above, I should think accepting thoughts like "Okay, I feel uncomfortable right now, and that is fine. I can accept being uncomfortable. It doesn't mean anything bad will happen. It will pass." I guess the point is that sometimes by trying to fight panic or anxiety, we simply feed into it more and scare ourselves with our own emotions, and then they spiral.



Yeah sounds exactly what she said, how's it working out for you? You managing it?


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[Citydeer]

Yeah sounds exactly what she said, how's it working out for you? You managing it?


I personally find it to be an excellent strategy, but it totally depends on the situation for me, and sometimes I use other strategies instead.

For example, the other day I was freaking out because I had to go to the hospital to see a dermatologist to get a mole checked, and I was worried that it might be cancerous. For that situation, I found it better to use the strategy of "challenging my thoughts" rather than "accepting them". So I said to myself "Most moles are not cancerous, this is just a precaution." I kept telling myself that over and over and every time a negative thought popped in like "CANCER!" i would shut it down immediately and not indulge in it.

However, in situations where my anxiety is more general and abstract, like if i'm out at a restaurant and start to feel uncomfortable, or if i get a sense of dread come over me upon nightful, i find the acceptance the best strategy. "okay I'm starting to feel uncomfortable right now, but that's okay, nothing to panic about" - being kind to myself and not feeding more negatively into how i'm already feeling.

Maybe you could ask your therapist for some more specific examples of how to employ the acceptance strategy, based on what your normal triggers are.

[Benjammin69]

I personally find it to be an excellent strategy, but it totally depends on the situation for me, and sometimes I use other strategies instead.



For example, the other day I was freaking out because I had to go to the hospital to see a dermatologist to get a mole checked, and I was worried that it might be cancerous. For that situation, I found it better to use the strategy of "challenging my thoughts" rather than "accepting them". So I said to myself "Most moles are not cancerous, this is just a precaution." I kept telling myself that over and over and every time a negative thought popped in like "CANCER!" i would shut it down immediately and not indulge in it.



However, in situations where my anxiety is more general and abstract, like if i'm out at a restaurant and start to feel uncomfortable, or if i get a sense of dread come over me upon nightful, i find the acceptance the best strategy. "okay I'm starting to feel uncomfortable right now, but that's okay, nothing to panic about" - being kind to myself and not feeding more negatively into how i'm already feeling.



Maybe you could ask your therapist for some more specific examples of how to employ the acceptance strategy, based on what your normal triggers are.



Yeah that sounds right - mine is things like restaurants etc I have emergency diazepam but try not to rely on it to be honest I want to try and deal with it naturally


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[Citydeer]

Yeah I'm very similar to you. I have valium on hand but I'd rather get to the point where I can do normal things like go to dinner without having to rely on a relaxant! i don't find valium helps me much anyway, the anxiety comes back after two hours or so.

It's well worth you trying the acceptance strategy and seeing how you go. It's not a cure-all on it's own, but a good strategy to add into the mix, try to turn it into a habit. You can get feedback from your therapist after you've tried it a few times to see if there are any ways you can improve etc.

[Joe C]

If you read "at last a life" by David Paul, he advises the same thing. It works for me, I just stop fighting the thoughts with my brain and accept them - it makes them go away.

[BigBoiBenzo]

If you read "at last a life" by David Paul, he advises the same thing. It works for me, I just stop fighting the thoughts with my brain and accept them - it makes them go away.

great book, I too can recommend this

[I Don't Get it!]

Citydeer has said everything I wanted to say, but I just wanted to let you know it worked for me. You need to keep telling yourself that the anxiety is a temporary feeling that will pass. The more you can invite calm acceptance into your life, the better.

I also found guided meditation and hypnotherapy mp3's really useful to help me with calmness.

I also think a good self help book or two is invaluable, but you might have to buy or borrow a few before you find the right one for you, as everybody's different. I found "At last a life" to be very unhelpful for me, but Claire Weekes's "Self Help for your nerves" and David Burns's "Feeling Good" to be life-savers. Somebody else will find the opposite to be true.

Best of luck with your therapy, it can make a world of difference if you give it a chance.:flowers: