PDA

View Full Version : one for the Ladies



Dave777
01-05-07, 14:11
Hope I'm not overstepping the mark but this is amusing? :shrug:

When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.
Every cubicle is occupied but eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.
You get in to find the door won't lock. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for themodern "seat covers" is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook if there was one, but there isn't so you carefully,
but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume "the position".
In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "the position".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for the toilet paper dispenser and in your worst nightmare find it's empty. You hover looking around in the hope there's a new roll behind you but no such luck. Your thighs start to shake more.
Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday the one that's still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very unnatural
position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue, the door takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple backwards. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the
floor.
If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
Yes, - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ & life form that lives on the uncovered seat. By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all the various life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped to your ankles with your hems soaking up that puddle from the floor.
The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the basin itself.
You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where of course there are no paper towels so you move onto the hand blower,which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!
You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's an unspoken understanding between you all.
A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that when you NEEDED IT??? You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"
GRRRRRRR!

This helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so long and it also answers that commonly asked question why do women always go to the loos in pairs?
It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass you tissue under the door!

groovygranny
01-05-07, 14:16
HAHAHAHAHA!

YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON US GALS DAVE!!!! :shades::shades::shades:

Only the little bit of tissue I use has got my old chewing gum still stuck in it - the results are horrendous! Use your imagination!!



:yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Wilburis
01-05-07, 14:41
fabulous!!

All you have written - ITS TRUE!!!

Men have it so easy.

You forgot to mention taking children to the toilet and pushchairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really made me laugh - thanks

Liz

kazzie
01-05-07, 20:47
Cheers Dave:yesyes:

Thats the first time I have laughed in days:yesyes:


Hope you are okies mate:hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x

manmoor
02-05-07, 11:55
Lol so true Dave thanks for sharing. xx

shoegal
02-05-07, 12:15
LOL! LOL! LOL! :D :D :D

Brilliant.... and so TRUE!

Thanks for cheering me up. :yesyes:

Love shoegal xxx

Piglet
02-05-07, 12:18
Oh that cracked me up - I've done all that and also done some funny contortions to avoid touching the door handle.:yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

Paddington
02-05-07, 12:40
:roflmao: SPOT ON MATE,SPOT ON!!LOVE PADDIE.XXXXXXXXXXXX

Southern_Belle
02-05-07, 16:19
So Funny :laugh: thanks for the laugh

Laura :flowers:

Granny Primark
08-05-07, 08:59
Just found this post. Its so true what you have written.
It is so funny its brightened up my morning:D
Thank god for tena lady cus I almost wet meself laughing while I was reading it!!!!!:yesyes:

Take care
LYNN xx