Feel very let down with how my boss handled by depression diagnosis

[ClipClop]

Hello everyone,

I'm a manager of a medical clinic and I've been suffering from a rebound of depression, anxiety and insomnia, most certainly brought on by the high stress of my job, the crazy long hours and working with a passive aggressive bully (not my boss but acts like they are).

I made the brave decision two days ago to email my boss (who works off site and only visits intermittently) that I have been diagnosed with depression. This was in response to an email she sent me saying that she wanted to meet with me next week as she was concerned about me and wanted to discuss how I was managing the clinic. I've told her before about the bully (quite a few people have left because of him) but she seems to think I should just 'fix' it. I was so concerned she'd see any of my behaviour as a performance issue, that I decided to tell her the truth about the depression.

Anyway, she didn't reply to it. What she did do is, two days later, simply ask if she could postpone our meeting as something come had come up! She even spelt my name wrong and she didn't even acknowledge what I had said about the depression. I ended up replying and asking if she had received my original email - that I was worried about telling her and I wanted to know. She replied quickly just to she had and was 'sorry I didn't reply'. I was so disgusted at this lack of care towards me, and mental health in general, that I just replied again saying 'I'm glad you received it. It takes a lot of courage for anyone to open up about mental health and I was concerned with the no reply'. She hasn't responded.

What makes this even worse is that the day before I sent the email, I had to endure her lecturing a meeting about how we have to increase support for employees that we manage and coming up with these bullshit slogans like 'team first' etc. it's al ******** - they don't practice what they preach.

I'm sorry for the long post, I'm just so upset. I really thought she would have picked up the phone and asked if I was ok, especially given the nature of our industry and her meeting the day before. I was offered time off by my doctor but I didn't take it as I didn't want everyone in the clinic to know, I just thought if my boss supports me I might be able to cope.

I want to leave but I'm getting married in August and wanted to stay put until then so I didn't have too many plates spinning. I just think now that I'll need to stop caring about the company so much in order to switch off - they clearly don't care about me.

Thanks to those who made it this far. Xx

[Bee84]

It was a very personal email and you both work together so maybe it was a bit awkward for her to reply to someone she only works with?

People can have a hard time dealing with honest communication and especially emotions and a lot of women really can be like that.

You are courageous just for being open and vulnerable and hitting the send button. But there's no need for validation of any kind on her end. You needed to do that for you.

I hope you feel good x

[lior]

ClipClop - well done for doing what you did, and for standing up for yourself too, when you didn't receive behaviour you were happy with.

The way your boss handled it doesn't sound very sensitive, but I think it's possible that it was ignorant rather than malicious. I know that I really struggle with prioritising and getting everything done - it doesn't matter how important something is, or how much I care about something - things fall through the cracks all the time. I don't think she meant her inaction personally, though of course you would take it personally, because it's a sensitive issue. She should understand that, and make amends, in my opinion, as soon as she is able to. That's what I would do if I messed up like that.

The other thing to consider is that those without experience of mental health issues can just not understand how deeply sensitive it is, and how much of a big deal it is to come out about it. It's great that you communicated that, but she might not properly 'get' it still. Emails don't show as much emotion as in-person communications.

Please don't take it personally. I know you want to leave now, but give it time, and maybe your emotions will change.

Final note: I am in a company where people DO care about me. However, they don't really understand my health, no matter how I try to explain. They mess up all the time with how they treat me. Even when relationships are good within a company, it doesn't mean that it's right to stay there. I'm learning to not care about the companies I work for as much as I have cared in the past. Ultimately they're just workplaces - they're not your family, they're not your close friends. You have to put YOU first.