Guilt about certain fears

[Pental08]

I experience fear about many triggers - but does anyone else get guilty because some aren't socially acceptable - two for me are:-

Black men, It sounds horrible and I accept it probably is racist, but i can't help it, black men really scare me and intimate me, and I feel panic when I see them - which is very often as I live in a large town! I'll see a black guy and my hear with jump into my throat - its awful! if I know someone or get chatting to them its fine! its just initially reacting to the presence of a black man or group of black men, (if they are with woman or kids Im not bothered).

Homeless people, - this also sounds awful, but they really freak me out, and as horrible as it sounds I'm forever changing my route or crossing the road to avoid beggers etc - I don't know what Im scare might happen! I think when they actually speak to you is the most frightening thing because its unsolicited and I can't cope with that!

So not only am i experiencing anxiety I'm also feeling guilt about having the anxiety because of what I'm getting anxious over.... how do people get over such things?

[snowghost57]

I would suggest talking to a CBT therapist. We all have fears and thoughts we don't know how to cope with. That's anxiety and having someone to walk you through your thought process will help.

[MyNameIsTerry]

No, you are not racist at all based on what you say here. It's a belief issue that needs resolving and therapy can help with this.

Actually, many people do this anyway in various ways. When someone sees a 250IB skinhead wearing England football colours, they may have an intrusive thoughts about him being a thug. But for all that person knows he could be a serving police officer on his day off going to the match.

Stereotypes have a habit of doing this. We grow up hearing & seeig certain things and they can impact on us. We need to work to change this thinking and be mor open minded but that's us working on what is probably just human nature.

Think of the real fact here - when you talk to them, this fear dissipates and things are fine. A racist wouldn't think like that. They may outwardly appear happy enough talking to that person but inside their views would still exist. So, why did yours disappear?

It's an irrational fear that has built up. Please don't add to it with guilt, a powerful negative emotion, as it will only fight you.

In terms of the homeless, you won't be alone in this because people don't always know how to react to them. Some people also feel uncomfortable because they don't know how to say no to them without thinking bad of themselves. Have you had any bad experiences with them? Some are intimidating in how they act and some are unpleasant to others anyway, although many are also really nice.

[Pental08]

Thanks for your replies.

With the homeless people - its several issues - its them asking for money - and because of social anxiety I hate being propositioned! So my go-to is just to ignore and walk past, but because I am deeply empathetic, this makes me feel bad and conflicted!
I also have issues with saying no, so the best way to deal with that is to avoid! I also anticipate being asked as I walk past them - and when they do say something - I get a anxiety spike!

I think also i have this fear of becoming homeless - and theres this Karma thing inside me saying 'you could be like them one day'.

I wish I was the type of person to be generous and give them something - But because I'm socially anxious - and they are strangers, its a big triggering situation, Im also really effected by attracting attention to myself i.e. stopping, getting wallet out - other people judging me giving money to homeless etc.

So I bear myself for not being the person I wish I was!

[Magic]

I have no fears of this sort. There is a man who sits in a main town where we live. I walked past him in the week and I looked straight at him
He looked scruffy and was sitting on a blanket He had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I thought to myself why has he such healthy looking eyes.???? Maybe it's me, I don't know.:shrug: