feels like two lymph nodes attached to each other

[Thelegend27]

I know you're sick of my stories, I apologize.

So I've been doing good at not reading online, and I've been only checking my nodes once a day very briefly.

But a little while back I noticed right next to one of my nodes I felt a very tiny bump or lump, I didn't think much of it as I just assumed it may just be a lymph vessel or something, well today I felt of it but I could really good feel on it and it feels like a tiny lump attached to the lymph node.

Of course this caused anxiety because I've read about matted lymph nodes and lymphoma and other cancers, but I don't know if this is matted lymph nodes, I don't even know if is another lymph node, but it surely has my attention.

There's feels like a tiny space between the lymph node and the tiny lump but when I move my lymph node the tiny lump follows.

I don't know if this lump is raised from so much prodding over these 7 months, but like I said before I had a ultrasound and complete blood count and both were normal according to the doctor I seen. Should I go back to the doctor for more tests?

I'm worried sick, and I keep telling myself I have a disease, and I also convince myself this is what's going to kill me, I feel like I don't have much time left, when I think about my son I get depressed as I think I won't be here much longer, I go as far as thinking I won't even be here for another year. I am sick whether it's mentally or physically I truly have a problem and I am so scared because I don't know what to do, I don't think the doctors are doing the right tests, I don't think they are taking me seriously, I honestly have convinced myself I likely have cancer and I can't get this out my head.

I'm just simply asking of this is normal? I know a lot of you on here actually had cancer and so I'm just wondering if this sends up any red flags, because you have experienced it first hand so I want your honest opinion.

[M00nlight]

On my right side I can feel a two palpable lymph nodes right next to each other. One is slightly bigger then the other. From my Google dr times lymph nodes are in chains in the neck. I think that's on of the issues with google.. What's it mean to be hard? Rubbery? Soft? Matted? Swollen... really it the dr knows what they should feel like and if they aren't worried then that's a good thing!

[Thelegend27]

Well to be honest I have lost my job because of this anxiety and I also lost my insurance, so I have to see a doctor at a medical center that helps people with no insurance, and that makes me feel as if they aren't taking me as seriously because I'm not covered, this place determines if you need further evaluation and then if you do they send you to a specialist and even cover some or all the costs. So this makes me feel like they won't allow me to get a biopsy due to the fact it will cost money. I can't comment on my nodes too much because I can't really feel any changes with the nodes other than that small lump appearing, the sizes of the nodes seem the same but at times my mind says they have gotten a little bigger, I blame this on my anxiety but at times I start thinking that it may not just be the anxiety.

[Fishmanpa]

I see a very common pattern in your post.

I've been doing good... A lie to validate the next part.

But I read, felt, googled etc.... Followed by...

Worries and another symptoms post looking for reassurance....

Until you get help the pattern will continue :(

Positive thoughts

[Thelegend27]

Sorry but it's just some days I feel good and some days I feel the anxiety kicking up. This tiny lump next to my lymph nodes is what did me in today.

[Fishmanpa]

Sorry but it's just some days I feel good and some days I feel the anxiety kicking up. This tiny lump next to my lymph nodes is what did me in today.

No need to apologize. Just pointing out the pattern of health anxiety to you and the fact you're feeding your dragon.

Positive thoughts

[Mindprison]

I know it's hard legend, even I get periods where the urge to look stuff up or panic creeps in. I mentioned on another thread that anxiety isn't like an on/off switch, you can have days where you're fine but you still have an anxiety disorder so it will come back.

Once the underlying problem is getting treatment you'll start to have much longer stretches of good days with the occasional bad. It's all about retraining your brain and remembering that your symptoms aren't new, you've had them for months now and nothing has changed so there's nothing to worry about.

It's all anxiety, while you're recovering you just need to remember you will have bad days but it will pass the longer you get treatment for the anxiety.

[Thelegend27]

Another good thing my left nodes don't feel as palpable one of them I actually have to dig for now. Am explanation that I thought of for the tiny lump is, maybe the node actually decreased in size and that made the node next to it more palpable, maybe the bigger node was just covering that small one and that's why it wasnt palpable. Nodes are connected by lymph channels so I don't see why it suspicious when they move together because they are attached by a string like vessel.

[Mav]

Another good thing my left nodes don't feel as palpable one of them I actually have to dig for now. Am explanation that I thought of for the tiny lump is, maybe the node actually decreased in size and that made the node next to it more palpable, maybe the bigger node was just covering that small one and that's why it wasnt palpable. Nodes are connected by lymph channels so I don't see why it suspicious when they move together because they are attached by a string like vessel.

:( Stop digging for them.

I have the same shape to mine, I think mine is connected. I had an ultrasound, it's nothing. You had an ultrasound, it's nothing.

[Thelegend27]

Yeah and your anxiety constantly tells you that you have cancer, I can only imagine how someone with 5 cm lymph nodes feel, I bet it's terrifying finding a golf ball sized lump on your neck. But as you've said we have has ultrasounds and examinations and even a complete blood county, a normal person would have let it go.

My nodes have some discomfort and it's almost like I can feel them in my neck like there's pressure in that area, but it could be because I poke and prod it so much.

[swajj]

I see a very common pattern in your post.

I've been doing good... A lie to validate the next part.

But I read, felt, googled etc.... Followed by...

Worries and another symptoms post looking for reassurance....

Until you get help the pattern will continue :(

Positive thoughts

I couldn't have put it better.

Just leave your nodes alone. That is the second best advice anyone here can give you. The first is see a therapist. I doubt you'll take any of it.

[Thelegend27]

It's a vicious cycle of fear, one day I feel like I'm fine and there's not much to worry about, and then the next day I start thinking I have the big c word, and this causes my brain to start thinking of all possibilities. I mean it's been 7 months or so with no new symptoms but I can't get it out of my head. The only reason I post on here is to hopefully find someone in the same situation who got over it and maybe they can tell me what they did and hopefully it'd work for me. I'm going to surely see a therapist soon, and I'm afraid I won't be able to put it past me until I get a biopsy or the nodes just disappear one morning. I'm doing better now than I was, I literally cried several nights and I never cry at all so I know this is hurting me mentally, and I am in desperate need of help. I just don't want to ignore it and later turn out to be something like lymphoma, but at the same time I'm terrified of being diagnosed with cancer as I'm sure anybody is. I know the chances of it being cancer are low but it still bothers me.

[Mav]

It's a vicious cycle of fear, one day I feel like I'm fine and there's not much to worry about, and then the next day I start thinking I have the big c word, and this causes my brain to start thinking of all possibilities. I mean it's been 7 months or so with no new symptoms but I can't get it out of my head. The only reason I post on here is to hopefully find someone in the same situation who got over it and maybe they can tell me what they did and hopefully it'd work for me. I'm going to surely see a therapist soon, and I'm afraid I won't be able to put it past me until I get a biopsy or the nodes just disappear one morning. I'm doing better now than I was, I literally cried several nights and I never cry at all so I know this is hurting me mentally, and I am in desperate need of help. I just don't want to ignore it and later turn out to be something like lymphoma, but at the same time I'm terrified of being diagnosed with cancer as I'm sure anybody is. I know the chances of it being cancer are low but it still bothers me.


I'm someone who is almost entirely over it.
How?

Well I had enough. It's mentally exhausting, eventually I got to a point where, even in the odd chance it was malignant then I'll just deal with it.

You have to have some faith in your tests and doctors opinions, they don't just hand them out without evidence of your condition benign.

Stay busy, that helps me the most. I'm studying 6+ hours a day these days so I don't have time to worry anymore and everytime I have a slight worry, "oh the backs of my legs feel itchy" I'll log on here to remind myself it's my anxiety.

---------- Post added at 11:59 ---------- Previous post was at 11:58 ----------

One of the best steps I made to recovery was realising how silly all this was, considering all the factors, it's severly unlikely I'm ill and therefore it's a silly worry.