MamaBat
29-04-17, 15:30
I've suffered from HA for about 25 years now, ever since I found a lump in my leg at age 26, turned out to be a large (grapefruit-sized) osteochondroma. Benign, but the fear and trauma of the what-ifs triggered my lifelong general anxiety and I have never been the same. I was a mother of 3 young children then, and of course terrified that I was going to die. I had surgery which removed 90% of the tumor, surgeon couldn't get to a tiny piece, had follow-ups for 5 years at which point he told me to "go live my life" and that the chance of recurrence was so small, it would take me to age 90 to have it grow that large even if it did.
Well, I did live my life but am still plagued by medical worries about myself, my spouse, and especially my children. Any test, any ache or pain sets me off again, especially when under stress.
Lately I have been having some pain in my leg and am convinced the tumor has grown back and must be cancer. The leftover lump does seem larger to me now and I'm thinking it's pressing on something and causing the pain. I'm googling and scaring myself, trying to stay calm and remember what the actual doctor told me, not Dr. Google. I vacillate between thinking it's my imagination and wanting to race to get an xray. I know it's unlikely that it's anything, logically, but now all I can do is focus on that leg. My mind is powerful, I know that, and I have been here, done that before, finding something wrong and as soon as the "disease" is ruled out the pain magically goes away.
Thanks for "listening," am glad to know that I'm not alone in this horrible panicky place. :scared15:
Well, I did live my life but am still plagued by medical worries about myself, my spouse, and especially my children. Any test, any ache or pain sets me off again, especially when under stress.
Lately I have been having some pain in my leg and am convinced the tumor has grown back and must be cancer. The leftover lump does seem larger to me now and I'm thinking it's pressing on something and causing the pain. I'm googling and scaring myself, trying to stay calm and remember what the actual doctor told me, not Dr. Google. I vacillate between thinking it's my imagination and wanting to race to get an xray. I know it's unlikely that it's anything, logically, but now all I can do is focus on that leg. My mind is powerful, I know that, and I have been here, done that before, finding something wrong and as soon as the "disease" is ruled out the pain magically goes away.
Thanks for "listening," am glad to know that I'm not alone in this horrible panicky place. :scared15: