Can't go on living like this?

[Bexie1988]

Hello I am rebecca I'm 29 and from Kent in the uk, for the last 7 odd years I have been suffering with anxiety at first I didn't know what it was and over the last few years i realised that I actually have anxiety I currently have been ignoring it and hoping it will just go away in it's own
but lately it's been getting worse it's got to the point where I don't like leaving the house it's suffocating me I can't get a job because I can't go for a interview or be around people i don't know I hate having to go food shopping and even going out in the car (I don't drive partner does),
I can't enjoy things like normal people can do like go for a meal or cinema bowling etc.. my thoughts take over and I get anxious and just can't do it, I start feeling sick normally am if I've eaten, hot and cold sweats, shakes, watery mouth, dizzy, blurry eyes, etc...
it gets to the point where I have a panic attack and the feelin. Is horrid like I'm dying I know I'm not but that doesn't help me, I try so hard to push the feelings away and focus but it doesn't work like I said above it's got to the point where I rarely leave the house unless I have to,
I haven't been to the doctors about it because it just is so hard to do, I just can't bring myself to do it I say I will but it gets to calling and I can't do it, I have decided to try and write a diary about my anxiety what I'm doing when a episode hits what the symptoms are & how long they last etc.. and I hope to go to the doctors in a months time,
I need help I can't keep going like this it is killing me and putting a strain on my relationship I have a wonderful boyfriend of 10 years but my anxiety and panic attacks have gotten so bad that it's stressing the both of us out,
I hope you don't judge me for this post I need to talk to someone who knows what I am going through as my boyfriend doesn't understand and it's so frustrating,
Any help and advice welcome
Many thanks
Rebecca. Xxx

[Bill]

I've copied the following that I posted in reply to another thread as it might help you..this was the thread http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=198035

Re: First post, could really do with some help :/
As Mindprison says, you'll find a lot of people here who will empathise with what you're going through.

It sounds like a fairly typical scenario. You say you suffered a harsh panic about 3 weeks ago. Something will have triggered it. Perhaps you've been feeling under a lot of stress, just had a particularly bad day, something happened that day or you had a thought which frightened you but whatever stress you were suffering and for whatever reason, that'll be why you suffered the panic.

What happens then is the panic instils "a fear of feeling fear" or put simply, fear of experiencing further panics when you're out and about. This fear then makes you feel too afraid to go out so you stay home causing you to become agoraphobic.

By staying home, you feel you're in a safe place but what really happens is home becomes your prison because you're too afraid to go out. This feeling of being forced by fear to stay home then makes you feel trapped with no escape.

The stress you then feel from feeling unable to break free from your home then creates a constant feeling of fear in what you considered to be your safe place which means you feel constantly anxious which would mean your panics could last for hours because you're unable to escape the anxiety.

Anxiety then controls your life sapping you of all your energy and enjoyment in life which can then lead to feeling very depressed.

Your mind will be in a cycle of fear. Fear - Worry - Anxiety - Symptoms - Fear - Worry - Anxiety. This of course will also affect your sleep because you're constantly anxious.

Also, what often happens in people is what I call the parrot in the cage. A parrot that feels trapped will pluck it's feathers out whereas what we do is analyse every symptom that surfaces in that cycle so we end up with health anxiety plucking our own bodies so to speak.

You say you've tried CBT but perhaps it's time you asked for more help as the only way you can escape your anxiety is by feeling able to go out again. You can do this for yourself too because you can build confidence for yourself by taking small steps. For instance, try stepping out the door, breathe the fresh air and just stand there a while. See how you feel. If you start feeling panicky, stay there. You'll feel panicky in your home so why not experience the panic on your doorstep. See what it does. It won't harm you just like it hasn't before.

Take long deep breaths to learn how to counteract the panic feelings. After a while, the panic will subside. It can only reach a peak of making you feel uncomfortable but do no more.

The next step when you're ready would be to walk a short distance down the road and back and do exactly as you did before to control your breathing. Remember, panics are caused by fast shallow breathing so you need to take long deep breaths.

After walking down the road and back, attempt walking a bit further.

Gradually you'll re-learn and build your confidence back up to prove to yourself there's actually nothing to fear other than fear itself and fear can't actually harm you.

If you feel you can't manage yourself, find a friend to help you or if not, go back for CBT to see a therapist.

See how you go but remember, if you stay indoors, you'll never overcome it. It just takes practise, willpower, patience and the right techniques.

[SilverFern]

Good advice Bill - which I will try and follow myself! I can relate to what you're saying Rebecca as I've had the exact feelings that you are having but please try and speak to your Doctor because they can help you and suggest other people who will also be able to help you. I'm taking Citalopram which does take the edge off the horrible feelings but also takes a while to work. I was about your age when my anxiety started and I'm now nearly old enough to be your grandmother so you must get this sorted now - you don't want to end up like me!! xx

[Elizabeth Fry]

I feel similar to you. The post from Bill is very helpful and true. It is a horrible place to be but I am hoping that soon things will start to improve for me - as for you but it takes effort and when you are feeling so bad it's hard to do. I try YouTube meditations which sometimes help. For the sickness Mirtrazipine was amazing but I came off it and now the sickness is back. I wish I'd stayed on it because it can make you feel tired and this reduces over a period of time. So I'll probably have to start again.

Someone posted to me 'you are not alone' - neither are you, as you can see from Bill and Silverfern. I find my GP to be very kind and understanding and I am sure if you go and speak to yours he/she will be able to help. I agree with you that it is difficult but it is also insidious and as you've found it becomes more difficult to break the cycle once you are in it. So going to your GP may be a start.

I find the forum here very helpful and supportive. Thinking of you.x

[Bexie1988]

Thank you all for your advice I have made another post tonight about phoning the doctors, xx

[worriedsoul]

Oh Rebecca, I feel so much for you reading your post.

You have made a huge leap posting your story and recognising you need help - and you've come to a good place!

It is heartbreaking you are so young and have been suffering like this for 7 years.

I really hope you can manage to make your doctors appointment and discuss your issues - what have you got to lose?

Know this, you WILL get through this and be better, everybody here will support you along the way

[Bexie1988]

Thank you, at first I didn't know what it was, it wasn't as bad and came on slowly with getting nervous over small things then about a year or so ago I typed into google my symptoms and it told me I had anxiety and do a questionnaire and if I got yes to more than 10 I had anxiety well I had yes to all the questions, I am pleased I have made a appointment and just hope I can actually go through with it and not wuss out like I normally do in tricky situations that I know will cause my anxiety attacks. Xx