View Full Version : So tired and lonely right now
I'm so lost and I don't know what to do and so tired. My period came 4 days early and I don't have any money for food or electricity until Friday, and I don't have any sanitary towels left :'( my benefit payment got paid into my housemate's account instead of mine and he was unwilling to give it to me, he literally only gave me a tenner from my own money and took 5 quid off it today. He is completely skint as well and now my ex sent me money for the towels and I feel so guilty and I'm just sitting here being miserable and missing him even more now. I just want him back so much but I know he deserves so much better so I'm too scared to try again..We're still friends and talk a lot but that makes me feel bad as well because he's just so lovely and I'm not.
Also I stumbled across this really sweet article today about a woman with anxiety and her boyfriend. She explained that she constantly needed reassurance etc from her boyfriend and he completely understood her and was there for her. That made me so happy yet so sad because I had that and let it go because of my stupid commitment and trust issues :'(
I could really need a hug. Or ten. l'll happily return them all :hugs:
You are a beautiful creature! Its easy to say, but deep down it is truth.
Go ahead and think about the great things you think of your ex and think them about yourself. I don't give a s**t... This ex absolutely doesn't matter here. You do. Obliterate every single trace of him from inside of your own mind.
That housemate is also irrelevant to your own wellbeing and independence. Sometimes its simply just fine for us women folk to get angry and be a "bitch" to get what we need. Especially for those of us who barely tend to touch this powerful innate response.
Trust yourself, a million :hugs: xxx
jamiebythesea
03-05-17, 14:39
:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
04-05-17, 05:18
:hugs:
Your housemate sounds like a right...:noangel:
We have laws in this country about people taking financial advantage of others (I remember you have come here from another country) and so you could seek legal advice on this.
Hi Don't get me started That is not what a friend would do, oh he is lovely is he heck :huh: He has taken advantage of you simple as that. You are the lovely person Go back to the benefit office (as they seemed to have made the error ) as now he has been over paid it needs reporting. Also CAB what some one else mentioned is a very good idea :) Good luck and let us know the outcome Cheers:hugs:
@Bee84 Thank you for your nice words and the hug <3 :hugs: it's really hard to think of myself like that, and the break up was very clean so to speak. It really wasn't his fault, and this is not just something I say cause I'm lonely haha. We're still really good friends, and we started out as friends as well, so not thinking about him isn't something I can just do :o
@Jamie :hugs: thank you ^^I like your profile picture by the way, I recognise it!
@Terry Thanks for the hug :hugs: and he is most of the time, aye. I reported it to the jobs & benefits office but they couldn't do anything cause I can't provide evidence of him spending my money and him not giving anything to me. It got paid into my account this time at least but got swallowed by my bank's fees. Ah I need a job.
@Much_Ado thank you, I should really make an appointment asap. :hugs:
@Bigboyuk No he ain't lovely at all. Never said he was though haha. My ex and my housemate are two different people :) And aye, I regocnise that. Sometimes I collect pretty much all my courage and confidence and stand up for myself, and this time it seemed to help. It's okay though cause I'm planning on leaving asap and they'll have someone else living here soon. :hug:
No That's what I am saying your ex is lovely? And that remark from the Benefits Office is priceless sure they cant prove that it's been spent by the owner of the account, but at least they should have given you a emergency payment. Bet you didn't even get a apology off them and as for your hm I would totally ignore him for what he has done. I have been on my ass in the past and never took any one elses benefit money even though I would Gamble it all away every fortnight :eek: So next time he says oh I have no milk or I have no sugar, etc can I have some, you say NO!! Glad you and your ex are still friends though Yes I know it can be very hard not to get emotionally involved again, but just enjoy the friendship you are lucky! Wished I had a friend right now! Cheers
I'm someone who feels absolutely no need to be friends with exes but you are, so I respect your need to think about him. I just thought focusing on yourself might be good or something.
The housemate is walking on you treating you as a monetary resource. Not a human. I know how it is to have people ask for money and not pay it back. I'm not employed either and get benefits which I am grateful for but I am not financially independent so in a way I'm no better than those that borrow money off of me and don't give it back.
I'm someone who feels absolutely no need to be friends with exes but you are, so I respect your need to think about him. I just thought focusing on yourself might be good or something.
The housemate is walking on you treating you as a monetary resource. Not a human. I know how it is to have people ask for money and not pay it back. I'm not employed either and get benefits which I am grateful for but I am not financially independent so in a way I'm no better than those that borrow money off of me and don't give it back.
I know I should focus on myself, but never done that and not sure where to start.
I know he is, no matter how nice he can be at times. We used to be best mates as well and never had issues but ever since I lost my job..And yeah I hate being on benefits I get contribution based ones at least which makes it a little bit better (to me anyway) but so desperate to find work.
And Bigboyuk, I rung up for an emergency payment but couldn't help me because the office closed at half 4 and I didn't get through to them till 10 past 4, form took 15 mins to fill in just for them to turn around and say "Oh you have to go down your local office to get it signed and the office closes in 5 mins.." ah yeah thank you lol. I know they're only following guidelines etc but what else could I do? re your message about friends..you can message me if you want? (:
OK I understand how hard that is. With work I know you'll find something you like :hugs:
Thanks Bee :hugs:
Just a quick update. Rent is due today but HM didn't save up anything for the rent (he gets paid weekly) and I'm not receiving HB as of yet. He's at work atm and I'm scared I'll get a phonecall from our landlord to ask for the rent and I don't know what to say. The landlord loves him and thinks he's a proper and honest bloke..They always wanna talk to him about house related things and always ask if he's in and refusing to talk to me (I don't know why, maybe because he's tenant 1 and I'm tenant 2?)
We're both on the rental agreement so it's not like we pay the rent separately. This happened last month as well and I ended up covering over half of the rent and rent was late by a week. He then bought food for us but not without the constant "You owe me for this" talks.. but I told him over and over and over again that I want to split the bills like we originally agreed to.
How did the benefits office manage to pay your money into his bank account?
Thanks Bee :hugs:
Just a quick update. Rent is due today but HM didn't save up anything for the rent (he gets paid weekly) and I'm not receiving HB as of yet. He's at work atm and I'm scared I'll get a phonecall from our landlord to ask for the rent and I don't know what to say. The landlord loves him and thinks he's a proper and honest bloke..They always wanna talk to him about house related things and always ask if he's in and refusing to talk to me (I don't know why, maybe because he's tenant 1 and I'm tenant 2?)
We're both on the rental agreement so it's not like we pay the rent separately. This happened last month as well and I ended up covering over half of the rent and rent was late by a week. He then bought food for us but not without the constant "You owe me for this" talks.. but I told him over and over and over again that I want to split the bills like we originally agreed to.Prehaps you need to talk to your landlord and set the record straight that he is not as honest as he thinks. and the fact is you aren't getting any housing benefit which means the rent has to come out of you SS payments which is not for rent if you follow?!Think you would be better off looking for another place IMHO :) When you start to get housing benefits it can be paid directly to the landlord so look in to that :) Don't spend any more money or lend any more money to this ass of a house m8 Cheers
---------- Post added at 14:02 ---------- Previous post was at 13:48 ----------
How did the benefits office manage to pay your money into his bank account?Cause they made a mistake! What I want to know is the other person in the house with a completely different name. different bank details actually made this huge mistake, hey if they over pay you they soon want the money back it's very one sided if you ask me. I personally would be following this up with the CAB and Benefits Office as a matter or princeable if nothing else :) Cheers
How did the benefits office manage to pay your money into his bank account?
My own bank account was frozen at the start of my claim, so I gave them his details (went down to my local office and gave it to them). My first payment however ended up in my (frozen) account anyway, so I rung the benefit office and got 2 advisers who confirmed that they never received any other details, only mine were on file and if I wanted my payment I should go down the office to have them updated . But a lot of things happened during the date of my first claim and the payment date (it took 2 months for my first payment to come through) so I decided to try and sort my bank out instead. After a lot of sorting out etc I got my bank account back and rung up the jobs & benefits office on the same day to say this.
My 2nd payment however got paid into his account, and he said he couldn't give me the money, not even a tenner so I could pay my overdraft fees. When I went into the jobs & benefits office they couldn't tell me why they paid it into his account after telling me they never received his details and after me telling them my bank was fine now anyway. So yeah, I get that it's partly/fully my fault that they paid it into his account, but they still lied(?) to me, and he still spent the money on himself.
They said that it sounded horrible that he did this, but all they could do was hope that my payment would be paid into my own account from now. They couldn't even confirm this to me, that's why I was pretty anxious up till yesterday because no one could tell me if my payment would be send to my account or his.
Mind you, we were best mates when I changed my details into his temporarily. I helped him out a lot in the past and he promised to do the same for me. Very naive I know.
And I know my JSA isn't for rent, but he can't afford to pay the rent because he keeps on getting underpaid and spends the money on other things so we'd still be evicted together, wouldn't we?
My own bank account was frozen at the start of my claim, so I gave them his details (went down to my local office and gave it to them). My first payment however ended up in my (frozen) account anyway, so I rung the benefit office and got 2 advisers who confirmed that they never received any other details, only mine were on file and if I wanted my payment I should go down the office to have them updated . But a lot of things happened during the date of my first claim and the payment date (it took 2 months for my first payment to come through) so I decided to try and sort my bank out instead. After a lot of sorting out etc I got my bank account back and rung up the jobs & benefits office on the same day to say this.
My 2nd payment however got paid into his account, and he said he couldn't give me the money, not even a tenner so I could pay my overdraft fees. When I went into the jobs & benefits office they couldn't tell me why they paid it into his account after telling me they never received his details and after me telling them my bank was fine now anyway. So yeah, I get that it's partly/fully my fault that they paid it into his account, but they still lied(?) to me, and he still spent the money on himself.
They said that it sounded horrible that he did this, but all they could do was hope that my payment would be paid into my own account from now. They couldn't even confirm this to me, that's why I was pretty anxious up till yesterday because no one could tell me if my payment would be send to my account or his.
Mind you, we were best mates when I changed my details into his temporarily. I helped him out a lot in the past and he promised to do the same for me. Very naive I know.
And I know my JSA isn't for rent, but he can't afford to pay the rent because he keeps on getting underpaid and spends the money on other things so we'd still be evicted together, wouldn't we?Well lesson learned and I ma surprised by the by the benefit office to allow payments to go to some ones elses account. You now need to make it clear to the BO that future payments MUST be payed into your account only do this first thing Monday and get a letter of confirmation of the BO and check all details are correct. And what a scum bag your hm is I would have nothing to with him any more I feel angry about it as you are stuggling right now gee. don't help this loser any more yes I bet he was your best mate too:huh: Cheers
I just got a letter today confirming that my payments will go into my account now so if they mess up again I'll have a letter to proof it...And yeah I learned my lesson, definitely! Well at least he got tons of taxi trips and in-game currency from my money pff.
I just got a letter today confirming that my payments will go into my account now so if they mess up again I'll have a letter to proof it...And yeah I learned my lesson, definitely! Well at least he got tons of taxi trips and in-game currency from my money pff. Well that's good and like you say you have it confirmed now:yesyes: What a tw@t (sorry for cussing ladies) he is and evil have nothing more to with him and get a lock on your food cupboard or take it in to your room. Glad you have learned you lesson too :):hugs: Cheers
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