View Full Version : going 2 weeks without touching my neck and see what happens
Thelegend27
03-05-17, 23:17
I've really annoyed you guys with my worries, and honestly I'm sick of it also.
So I'm going at least 2 weeks without even touching a node and then I will go speak with my doctor and maybe check the sizes and if he tells me again that I am fine I'm going straight to set an appointment with the therapist to finally end this once and for all.
Today I was stupidly squeezing my nodes and they felt pretty hard while squeezing them but just poking them they feel much softer, I guess squeezing a node will make it feel hard. Anyways this was the last blow I can't keep doing this to myself .
I will post an update after and let you guys know how I am doing and what steps they are having me take to get better.
Thanks for all the support along the way it has made a huge difference I know it's hard to tell but trust me it has.
This morning I told myself the same. For last three months, I stopped maybe once for a week... constant poking made it a bit more prominent and red. All docs say it's not lymph node, but I'm so scared I cant stop thinking about it. And touch it. We both need a change, dont we?
Thelegend27
04-05-17, 19:33
This is true, I'm not entirely sure how they know it's not a lymph node without an ultrasound, but I'm not a doctor.
I've managed to not touch them since posting this thread which is good for me, I usually poke them every hour.
I can gently press in the skin above the node and feel a lump, so really I don't have to poke mine to actually feel it.
I do know my nodes are much more palpable now than they were when I first discovered them, and this could be a result of so much poking and prodding for the last 7 months or so, this is why I'm taking 2 or more weeks off from touching them and then going back to have the sizes checked again, if they are the same size or less and my doctor isn't concerned I will seek help for my anxiety, I urge you to do the same, it will consume your entire life if not.
Ask for a complete blood count and ultrasound it's simple and quick and can give your doctors a good image of what's going on, it's likely nothing serious but it can offer a lot for some peace in mind, because I constantly remind myself that my doctor has seen my lymph nodes on ultrasound and if they looked abnormal they would know, this helps me calm my fears.
CHELLEB1017
04-05-17, 19:42
Just went today for ultrasound and the sonographer said they are tiny but didn't tell me anything else. So of course I am a nervous wreck. I did have a CBC done a little over 2 weeks ago and all was good so we shall see.
Thelegend, in my case I had ultra sound despite all 4 docs were 100% sure I dont have enlarged lymph nodes. Ultra sound confirmed that but I still cant move on. It's pathetic I know. They said it's vein or muscle, but IT feels more prominent after 3 months of poking. I'm wondering if i just learned how to touch it to be able to feel or muscles/veins can be more like a bulge after constant poking. I wont move on until I persuade myself I'm ok and thats my problem.
Btw good that you managed not to poke since this post :-) it's so tempting but we have to stop it. Wish you luck man, i think i just have to quit checking myself, I know thats dead end.
Thelegend27
04-05-17, 20:37
Touching the lumps absolutely cause anxiety, even if yours is a lymph node, that alone means very little. There's been people on here with 3+cm lymph nodes that turned out to be benign (harmless) my doctor said my palpable lymph nodes are 1.1 cm and less, and one gland is 1.9 cm I'm not sure if that one is a lymph node or not. I've dealt with a lot of illnesses throughout my life, from strep to the stomach flu, possible stomach infection, tonsillitis, and so on, so I wouldn't be surprised if I have some permanently palpable nodes.
Thelegend27
07-05-17, 18:53
Day 4 haven't rubbed them. I did gently press the area to make sure it hasn't enlarged but I'm doing great at not poking and rubbing them. I can honestly say I can tell a big difference in my anxiety in these 4 short days, it's still there but it's no where close to what it was. I'll keep you guys updated and I hope some of you try this also because it does help.
Just wanted to say: I have also tried to not touch mine. Its tough bc i wait a week and expect it to be gone but its still there. maybe we just have to resign ourselves to the fact that we WILL feel them
I did exactly this, and didn't touch for weeks and my anxiety improved significantly. At the moment I have some other stresses and this one is coming back but everytime I touch, i come on here to make me feel sane again and I get back on with my day.
I just need to understand completely that this is anxiety and not a misdiagnosis of something.
In the ultrasound I was told it's an enlarged lymphnode but only by a few mm's and it's nothing abnormal. This should make me feel better and obviously if it was abnormal, the other chains of lymphnodes would be affected, and they are fine.
I will hit half a year mark with anxiety over this lymphnode soon, then I will really have to give up on the anxiety because if no symptoms have showed up in that large period of time then I'M OBVIOUSLY FINE -_-
good for you. I managed not to touch it for 1,5 day ;/ But I'm starting to think that what I found is not a lymph node as it's still as soft as muscle or fat after 3 months. And it moves with skin. It seems docs are correct, and I'm working on acknowledging it.
yeah i mean also you all had ultrasounds, thats a legit diagnostic test! i only had two doctors feel it, and bloodwork (which worries me). but neither doctor even considered an ultrasound and i was diagnosed with mono so i need to tell myself that explains it!
CHELLEB1017
07-05-17, 20:16
Got my results from my ultrasound Thursday and both nodes were normal and I haven't even thought about touching them since! They can stay this size for all I care!! Bloods, docs, and ultrasound was fine so screw it!
yeah i mean also you all had ultrasounds, thats a legit diagnostic test! i only had two doctors feel it, and bloodwork (which worries me). but neither doctor even considered an ultrasound and i was diagnosed with mono so i need to tell myself that explains it!
I think your right man, my docs didnt consider it as well. I decided to do it xD I need to stop thinking I can help myself by constant checking and poking, looking in a mirror.
I wish you all guys to find a peace of mind
Thanks...I a getting worried I didnt have an ultrasound but its better to live life and hope for the best
Thelegend27
08-05-17, 06:16
It's a real struggle to keep yourself together and not fall back into anxiety, I feel discomfort at times in the neck muscles near the nodes, it's hard to know what's real and what's anxiety induced at this point, I've poked my nodes so much that I think it could have irritated my neck but then my anxiety tells me it's much more than that. But I will continue pushing forward and hope to overcome this nightmare soon.
Actually I have this feeling around my neck (depends on area I'm worring about) every time when I'm afraid of lymph nodes. I talked to GP and he told me it's somatization stuff, i think he's right
Thelegend27
08-05-17, 17:59
That could be it. But I have felt so much better in these few days since I have kept my hands off. I believe I can beat this fear.
It is true that it's a struggle not to fall back into anxiety after a while of having recieved results. It's the brain almost wanting to worry.
I know how that feels, I'm going through it now. But yes, you can beat this fear. Glad to hear your feeling better. Keeping your hands off is the key, you'll forget they are even there soon.
Thelegend27
08-05-17, 20:24
Your anxiety is always whispering in your ear telling you don't forget about those lymph nodes, it stays in the back of my mind, anytime I slow down during the day and have time to myself I begin thinking about them and the thought cancer consumes my mind. I am 25 and when I vomit I go into afib for some odd reason, and the thought receiving chemo is scary because I know vomiting is one of the most common side effects, although my doctor says I have a healthy heart, we still don't know why this happens. But I don't have cancer and I will continue to tell myself this because it's true and I should be thankful for being in good health rather than consume myself with something I don't even have.
Guys-had a rough night last night. I came down with a virus and had to see a doctor. I KNEW he'd feel my lymph nodes and I got so scared bc I didn't want to explain my fears or him to tell me there was something wrong w the lymph nodes. he felt them and said there were a few small "shotty"? nodes. what does this mean? i know my glands are probably especially raised due to my virus but ugh
he felt them and said there were a few small "shotty"? nodes. what does this mean?
It means you've poked and prodded so much that they're permanently enlarged. Not sinister in the least and just a result of your actions.
Positive thoughts
It means you've poked and prodded so much that they're permanently enlarged. Not sinister in the least and just a result of your actions.
Positive thoughts
Thank you! I have actually had a lot less anxiety, and I'm trying to tell myself, if 3 doctors have felt them and told me its normal, it probably is. I've been doing a lot better, being more social, more productive. it was just scary because my glands do get pretty big when i have a cold so it was a bit of a trigger. Also I'm realizing its been 1.5 months and it hasn't changed, so lymphoma would probably change a little bit in that time! Doctors always just trigger a bit of panic in me.
Thelegend27
09-05-17, 23:37
The term shotty means the nodes fell small like a Buck shot almost, imagine a bb or airsoft pellet, these nodes can be from past infections and they never returned to the original size, they can also be a result of so much poking, they will likely be there forever. Today is day 6 for me, but out of habit I touched my node today not out of anxiety though but I only touched for a few seconds and stopped. I feel great, although the thought of my nodes still linger in my mind at times, but it's nothing like it was. I'll be seeing my doctor in 2-3 weeks and maybe check the sizes again, I'd say my nodes have gotten a little bigger since the last ultrasound because I poked them so much I don't see how they cant be a little bigger, but hopefully they will shrink a little if I leave them alone. Both of my sisters recently discovered palpable nodes I wonder if it's just in my family our nodes are just bigger or something. Anyways like always I'll keep you up to date and I hope everyone is doing well.
Thanks, hopefully shotty doesnt mean super enlarged. Maybe palpable ones are semi normal and we gotta accept it
Thelegend27
10-05-17, 06:34
Shotty nodes aren't big nodes, they are small palpable nodes, even large nodes can be normal, as long as they aren't getting larger and larger. I'm not a doctor I'm just repeating what I've read and what I've been told.
It's hard to tell if my nodes have gotten bigger, to me they seem the same size, but you can't measure at home so I can't be certain.
As for taking a break from touching the nodes, it has helped my anxiety a lot, and I encourage others to try to do the same, as long as you have seen a doctor and the doctor wasn't concerned I would give it a break for a while and let your nodes rest.
It's hard to tell if my nodes have gotten bigger, to me they seem the same size, but you can't measure at home so I can't be certain.
But if you're not touching them you wouldn't know anyway and it wouldn't matter right? ;)
Positive thoughts
Guys I'm really freaking out I had night sweats the past two nights pretty bad. I know this is a symptom of lymphoma so it's seeming like it is all fitting together regarding lymphoma. I do have a fever on and off from a virus so my dad thinks that's what it is but I don't know and am spiraling again.
Thelegend27
11-05-17, 02:40
Actually night sweats can mean a lot of things including anxiety, my sister suffers from panic attacks and hormone issues and the has hot flashes and wakes up at night sweating. From what ive read lymphoma causes you to have night sweats to where you and the bed are soaked, so in plainer words it's not just a little sweat on your forehead and back. However if your anxiety is really getting the best of you I would recommend mentioning this to your doctor as I have and maybe they can come up with a solution to help bring you some closure on all this. I know it's a nightmare believe me, just take a look at my previous threads I've been worried sick for 7 months.
And good point fmp I am still doing great at keeping my hands off.
I am also keeping hands off, but I do feel mine being a bit bigger (I have a terrible cold though so I'd expect this). The night sweats stopped last night when my fever was gone, so I think it was just that. Also I've now had these nodes for almost two months, I would think cancer would've grown faster
Question: If you're all keeping your hands off, how is it you feel they're changing in size?
Positive thoughts
It's not that easy to keep hands off, i have a problem with this all the time! I cant let it go for more than 2 days:-\ it makes me and my will feel weak
I can clearly see mine when I stretch my neck the opposite way, it has definitely gotten bigger
I can clearly see mine when I stretch my neck the opposite way, it has definitely gotten bigger
IMO it's perception vs. reality. With respect, I find it challenging to believe that no poking and prodding is going on.
I say perception vs. reality as I've seen how anxiety skews this. There was a member here that swore up and down that her hands were wasting away (video on Youtube). The fact was that it was all in her mind. Other than an ultrasound, there's no way an untrained individual can even estimate size accurately. Even trained medical professionals that do this all day can't get it exact (they get pretty close though). That being said, with my nodes? There was no question and it happened fast.
Bottom line is that my gut tells me there's a bit more self-examination going on here than meets the eye or is being admitted. The tread would have died a while ago if that were the case (out of site, out of mind) ;) At this point, just one week from being created, it's 4 pages longs and still going strong.
Positive thoughts
Yeah but I literally CAN see it, and also I haven't had an ultrasound like the other posters, none of the 3 doctors I saw referred me for one
Yeah but
Ok... I get it. You have the dreaded "Yeah But" disease. Hope you find some peace from your anxiety SPT.
Positive thoughts
Thelegend27
12-05-17, 03:24
I was talking about previous times, I did touch my node for a second tonight and it still feels the same, it's been nearly 8 months since I discovered them and idk how long before that they were palpable so if it was anything serious like the big c then surely by now something would have happened to give me a sign that there is something more to these nodes. So all I can do is move forward because my doctor already denied me a biopsy.
Thelegend27
14-05-17, 17:51
Well today makes 11 days since I decided not to touch my nodes, ive done great i gently touched them twice, while writing this i took a feel just to update you, one of the nodes is almost not even palpable, another 2 seem very tiny now, and one seems the same.
But during this time of recovery i managed to find something else to worry about, but this time it may really be absurd, right where the collarbone joins the sternum theres a lumpy tendon bone or muscle and although i have it on both sides of the chest (symmetrical) ive still been rubbing the heck out of it, its silly i know but my mind needs something to worry about i guess.
Thelegend27
19-05-17, 03:30
Yesterday marked my 2 weeks, in case someone out there is reading this, not much has changed, the nodes seems less palpable but still the same size. As for the anxiety, it has eased up a lot, though I do still think about it. I also catch myself thinking about future events and wondering to myself will I be around to see those moments. But that's the anxiety talking.
Over these past 2 weeks I've come to realize, the more you pay attention to your obsessions the more anxiety you get, so the key to beating these obsessions is to put it out of your head for long enough until it just doesn't bother you at all anymore.
It's a lot easier said than done, but it is definitely possible.
I've searched the internet for answers, I've filled you guys in more than a few times on my situation, and I guess it's because I didn't know how to deal with it, because after all I was denied a biopsy so I felt like I didn't have anymore options.
snowghost57
19-05-17, 04:02
Yesterday marked my 2 weeks, in case someone out there is reading this, not much has changed, the nodes seems less palpable but still the same size. As for the anxiety, it has eased up a lot, though I do still think about it. I also catch myself thinking about future events and wondering to myself will I be around to see those moments. But that's the anxiety talking.
Over these past 2 weeks I've come to realize, the more you pay attention to your obsessions the more anxiety you get, so the key to beating these obsessions is to put it out of your head for long enough until it just doesn't bother you at all anymore.
It's a lot easier said than done, but it is definitely possible.
I've searched the internet for answers, I've filled you guys in more than a few times on my situation, and I guess it's because I didn't know how to deal with it, because after all I was denied a biopsy so I felt like I didn't have anymore options.
You are absolutely right! The more we focus on our obsessions the worse our anxiety gets! I used to have the "what if" syndrome. I work on it every day, see my post on Stinking Thinking. Stay off the internet and Dr. Google. The doctor does not think you need a biopsy, please believe him, do you really want an unnecessary surgical procedure?
To be honest, I don't even know where my lymph nodes are! The more you irritate anything the larger it will get and that includes our anxious mind!
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