Socially Inept

[elik]

I am struggling big time with social situations. I am absolutely hooked on the idea of pleasing everyone. I try to act via my values rather than my hooks and out of guilt but it just doesn't feel worth it, like I am miserable any which way. I feel quite a lot of resentment and lack of faith in others as I get walked over a fair amount (my own fault, I literally tell people to do it) and its making things really difficult. If people invite me to things and I'm not particularly close to them, I instantly panic as I feel that means thats another person entering my life who I have to keep happy and another person who opens up to me while I remain ridiculously closed off (so I never enjoy much social interaction for long anymore as its hard to maintain). These sorts of things should be exciting yet I find them petrifying. I met a guy a couple of weeks back and we hit it off, went on a date and I wasn't sure if I felt the 'spark' between us but he is so sweet and just what I need. My anxiety goes on full throttle as I don't know how to handle the situation. I want to see him again (and I am, tomorrow) but I'm scared I won't like him like that and I'll look like I've strung him along?!?!?! I don't like positions of power, I like to be the under dog. Its so uncomfortable.

[Clydesdale Epona]

Have you sought help for your social anxiety? you might benefit from therapy or a mentor to get you into social situations x

All the best :hugs:

[gregcool]

I can relate to this.esp about not liking posisions of power i feel this way when i have my daughter of 15 that i have all this power to control her life and every day events,its all down to me if i give her pocket money or treet her etc and that she looks at me for strength and guidenss in her life..dont know why i feel that way or what it meens...try to relax on your date,it sounds like this is a good thing for you to help boost your confedance..

[KeeKee]

I've read quite a few of your posts and would say you sound similar to me. I also have become quite bitter and resentful and feel like people basically take the p*** out of me. I was told in therapy I need to be more assertive. But when I try to be, it comes across as argumentative and causes me to become even more anxious.

You do NOT have to please everybody. Even if you seriously upset somebody, most people are forgiving and will understand. I have found that nobody at all understands my mental health issues, they actually put me down a lot saying I'm miserable and boring. However, there are times I'm snappy, rare occasions I've 'kicked off' and all is forgotten in time.

You need to live the life you want, tell others you can't be bothered. I know how hard this is, I've babysat way more than I liked to in the past because I'm too scared to say no. It only brings anger and makes the situation worse, as I'm sure you know.