Hi I'm new

[Bellebeau]

Hope you can help.

Six years ago I was raped.

This has since caused extreme anxiety, at the time I put it to the back of my mind and pretend it didin't happen, didn't tell anyone for a long time, it was a bad time of my life, especially after a cheating husband and divorce a few months previous to that.

Anxeity about it has got worse over the years, I thought it would get better. My main worry is I've caught something from the Rape, I had all the tests done at the time, waited 6 months for the HIV test too, all negative. A year later I still couldn't relax, so yet another HIV test, that too was negative.

Have since met a new partner and re-married with a daughter three years ago, and had another HIV test with my ante-natal and that was negative I guess as I didn't hear back from them, but still I think I have something bad, or something bad needs to happen to me because of the Rape, as I feel it's my fault for letting him into my home. :weep:

This gets worse by the day, I worry every day about it and can't move on. Should I have yet another test, please help ..

Casey

[Bellebeau]

Please anyone :weep: :weep: :weep:

[airwolf451]

HI and welcome to NMP.

can i pls put your mind at rest, you dont have HIV, so stop having tests done hun. you are in perfect health.

have a look through this website and check out the posts. you will find that our anxieties over our health always coem from somewhere else and its those issues wee need to tackle.

but never fear help is always at hand here and you wil make some wonderful friends who will gear you on the right track and be there for you.

liek me :)

airwolf aka steve

[nomorepanic]

Hi and welcome aboard.

Sorry to hear about the rape but it is highly unlikely you have HIV after all this time and so many tests.

You have to believe this and move on or it will destroy you and your life.

I can't see why another test would be needed to be honest.

Try and move on and be reassured that you are fine.

[Bellebeau]

Thank you so much for the reply, I really appreciate it.

Been making myself so poorly with worry about it, can't eat, feel sick all the time, and just want to sleep. Not easy with a family to look after.

Thanks so much

[groovygranny]

Hello Bellebeau,

You do not deserve to have anything bad happen to you, this was not your fault....you are reaping the consequences of someone else's wrongdoing.

All the time you are punishing yourself you are allowing this person to have victory and control over you. You need to let go of this and then you will move on from it and it will have no hold over you any longer.

It will not be quick or easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
Are you having any counselling for this? If not then I would seek it as a priority, maybe through your GP.

I don't think you need to worry about HIV after all those negative results though.

Sounds as thought you have a lovely family there - hang on to this positive in your life.

You'll find so much help and support here.

Please Pm me if you feel led to.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[airwolf451]

i agree with Granny and Nic,

you have to stand up and fight this, other wise your letting it win, and i get the feeling your a fighter not a quitter, we are all behind you 1oo%

[Bellebeau]

Thank you to all of you.

I'm scared to go for councelling, so I haven't as yet. I get scared to go to the Dr's as they will probably think "oh here comes the paranoid woman again":weep:

Just dont really know how long I can go on living with this worry.

Have a lovely family, I guess I just expect something big to come along and take it away from me as it allways has done in the past.

Thanks so much everyone, so kind of you all to take the time to reply

[airwolf451]

dont be afraid of counselling, though i know the first step is the hardest to take , and even though you dont know it, by coming here and sharing with us , you have just done that.

i would advise the couselling, and as for the doc, maybe a lady doctor might suit you better.

but as God os my wittness, you are in perfect health. so start telling yourself that, it does work.

im here if ya need a chat.

[gabes]

"but still I think I have something bad, or something bad needs to happen to me because of the Rape, as I feel it's my fault for letting him into my home."

Get the therapy. I waited 20 years to deal with my fears and guilt. Don't let it eat you alive. Get the therapy, your life will change. Maybe not immediately, but it will change.

[Danuella]

Hi Belleblue,i have been raped too so i totally understand how you feel,Please get the counselling,it was the best thing i ever did it took me 9 years to getthe courage to have it,but with a very supportive partner i got through it and it was worth it.
Why should i let him rule my life,its my life no one elses and i wont have him or anyone destroying it!!
I also suffer greatly with anxiety but i did find the counselling helped that also.
Big Hugs
xx

[bottleblond]

Casey toots!

Just because you let a man into your home does not give him the god given right to lay a FINGER on you nevermind Rape you! All that happened was HIS fault m'dear and HIS fault only. You should not feel guilty in any way, shape nor form.

As for the tests, let it go gal. you don't have HIV, you sound like a perfectly healthy woman and mother.

Please don't let that pig make you suffer any more than you have already. Talk in here as much as possible as i'm sure you will find lots of help, reasurance and friends!!

love and best wishes
Lisa
xxx

[Bellebeau]

Thanks so much everyone.

I'm looking into the councelling, bit scarey but I do want to do it.

I'm so poorly at the moment, can't handle all this worry.


Cas xx