Why can't my brain stop thinking about death?

[AnxiousTeen97]

Yea I've had an incredible amount of physical symptoms that do sound frightening, I still have. But no symptom is visible on the outside and I am not being taken as seriously by ANYONE when I am explaining the symptoms.
Have had multiple tests done, including a CT of head, multiple blood works, different Neurologist visits, different ENT visits, 5 EKGs, X-rays of spine and neck, urine tests, all came back clear expect mild scoliosis, hell even that made me think that it could kill me. It's like I have escaped 100 heart attacks but still it could be a "sign" for an upcoming one, that's what my brain tells me.
Today asked for a cardiologist visit again which wasn't prescribed because there was "no need". He checked my heart with a stethoscope and said pretty perfect. No reassurance works, I still somehow believe that I have something serious.
I have an appointment to a psychotherapist but a month later, I feel like I won't be alive by that time.
Well I remember being 14 and asking myself whether I am gonna be alive by 18, I am almost 20 now..
Nothing convinces me, every change in the skin (redness or scratches) is either problems with blood vessels either a tumor.
I feel like I have to do every test possible, because there are soo many illnesses, of course I may have 1 or 2 of them..
At 19 hell I should not be worrying about such stuff, but cannot help myself.
I am not having panic attacks just tired of being this way.
Tired of being unable to be diagnosed and being ignored.
My real question is: Would the symptoms of a deadly illness worsen over time? Mine are worse while first appearing and then gradually improve or even go away, but some do persist for months some even for years.

[bin tenn]

I get it. I was there for a long time, especially with the cardiac fears. It's awful, I know, and it seems impossible to escape said fears. But let me tell you, it isn't. You have to learn to accept that there is nothing seriously wrong with you, aside from the anxiety, which is almost entirely imagination and anticipation. I had a real "scare" last year, cardiac related (NOT immediately serious). I had an echo and a stress test, which I knew would find a problem - I was wrong. Heart is perfect size, shape, I was able to exercise for 10-12 minutes on the treadmill - far longer than I previously imagined. It took a while, but I had to learn to accept it.

I still get "symptoms" now and then (not related to the real episode I had). They are quite normal, and no cause for concern, per my doc and cardiologist. Again, I had to accept it. It wasn't easy, but it had to be done, and it worked. Now I'm conscious of my heart health, but I don't obsess. I just make more conscious decisions that will have a positive effect on my heart (and overall) health. Take control now, start exercising and eating better, before it really does become a problem many years from now.

[Mav]

I'm 19, I really understand. I feel like it's almost stupid to worry about death at the age where you should be your most alive.

When I'm not busy my thoughts are consumed by death, and illness. Even if I'm watching a documentary on something irrelevant, like earlier I was watching something on ballet and I found myself thinking "how does she pour herself into her artwork knowing that she could get ill anymoment and have stop?" It's like I'm afraid to live just incase it's torn away from me by cancer or something.

It sounds ridiculous reading that back but it truly is my life. I think I need to get some help for this, it really cant continue. I have little faith in doctors and find myself molesting my lymphnodes and spiraling in any free moment I have.

I just have almost reached the point where, why live if I could die any moment? :/

[Hahneclipse73]

I had some symptoms tonight with a little left arm tingling, numbness, pain, tight left breast and center of chest along with extreme nervousness, uneasy, sense of doom. I've been told many times its anxiety smd have had a lot of tests done, but every once in a while I get the symptoms. Tonight I was dealing with them ok until I decided to check online for discussion forums about left side pain and webmd symptom: heart attack comes up with all my symptoms and one is anxiety. So I started to get extremely nervous and antsy thinking thats what it could be, I only have anxiety cause of it. Then I saw something saying heart attacks warn a month before and I've been dealing with this for a month now...ahh its just awful. I just say to myself its ok...Ive had this a lot before and was fine, I got tests done, I wouldnt be able to do physical work everyday if I had a heart issue, etc. All of this started from a panic attack where my heart felt like it was being squeezed and I freaked out and thought I was dying. Its amazing how stress and anxiety can cripple you. I also think about why bother when you could die at any secound. Its like I am afriad to live and be happy always thinking I could die at any given time. My symptoms.were bad in the begining but have gotten better over time. The real thing for me is seeing I am actually fine, even though o need to wats convince myself. Ive had time where I took Lorazapam, was relaxed, busy, having fun, etc. And felt fine, so that just helps you to realize...hmm..
When my mind is off my health, I start to get better.

[walkerbull]

I have a problem with this too. When I get engrossed into my hobbies and all I think "What does it matter, I could die" and then stop, come on here. This also happens when talking to people on things like Facebook and think "Will anyone remember me?" etc etc. Its an awful feeling.