Recovering from health anxiety...just found out I'm five weeks pregnant.

[Hancock]

Hey guys! Long time no see!

I've been doing very good as of lately. After my last spiral, I developed a path to acceptance with my hypochondria and haven't had any panic episodes since. I was also on a 12.5 mg dose of Paxil to treat symptoms which helped enormously.

So now I'm in a bit of a predicament. I'll keep it short.

I just found out I'm five weeks pregnant. My SO is ecstatic. A few months ago we bought a home together and have been living there for about five months now. The pregnancy was not planned and came as a surprise to both of us (I was not utilizing BC but haven't been for three years, so it was still unexpected). While I am happy, I'm back to battling demons with anxiety. I was removed from my antidepressant five days ago when I found out I was pregnant. At first there was panic revolving being pregnant and the fact that I was taking an unsafe medication. My doctor assured me that with the dose being low and when I stopped taking it, he was sure everything would be fine.

Now while some health anxiety thoughts have creeped on about myself again, they are very easily gutted. I don't seem to be affected as much anymore by my own mortality. My biggest fear now is that something will be wrong with the baby. I've been taking prenatal vitamins for two days, have started eating a very healthy diet with all food groups, and began exercising again (nothing intense).

But of course, being the kind of crazy I am, I've been scouring the web trying to figure out statistics and all ways to prevent every disease a baby can be born with under the sun. As horrible as it is to say, if there was a massive defect in the baby, I don't know how I'd be able to cope.

So here I am, no antidepressants, pregnant, and neurotic. I know there's no 100% with anything (as I've learned harshly with my own human body) but that most things have a low percentage rate of occurring and in a lot of instances, keeping your body healthy and free of infection should just about do it.

I just need some advice from women or men who have gone through this with their own pregancies. The last thing I want to do is spiral as I am very early into this and I know stress is a huge no.

[Jackrabbit]

I have a two year old and the one piece of advice I can give is to listen to your body. Pregnancy has a way of really making you connect with every little thing that goes on within you. Not only that, but you begin to care about yourself and your body in ways that you can't even imagine...yet! I'm sure you're already feeling it, but just wait until you feel that little nudge or kick! Every pregnancy is different so be in tight contact with your OB and with your support system, you're going to need it. As far as medications and what not go, as long as you're not taking them anymore, you're fine. Use this as a moment of clarity. As long as you eat healthy and take care of your body and mind, you won't cause the baby harm; things that do happen to babies in utero with healthy happy mothers are usually genetic and therefore unavoidable....but still, don't let something like that consume you because as you said,toxic stress is horrible for a fetus. But worrying about your baby's wellbeing isn't abnormal, pretty much every expecting mother goes through it. Download the "what to expect" app on your phone and join some of the forums on there....it can get pretty entertaining sometime but there are women on there who are going through the exact thing you are. And there are cute development videos on there as well.

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Also....CONGRATS! Motherhood is awesome.

[AntsyVee]

Congrats on the bundle, Hancock! Maybe you should talk to fleur or some other women who went through this recently.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Bloke here so about as much use in a pregnancy thread as a chocolate fireguard! :winks:

Congratulations!!! :yesyes::yahoo:

Being aware of what is healthy during pregnancy is a good thing but obsessively researching it is not. You are clearly looking to limit risk but scouring the web for statistics is going to be opening the door for your anxiety.

Aside from focusing on positive research about being healthy it would be best to leave the rest to discussions with the medical professionals. You are entering a category of patient where they take a lot more care with everything so you can be assured you have a team looking out for the stuff you are looking to worry about.

Whilst anxiety is hard going, you have an experience here that you can choose to enjoy if you put your mind to it. The rest will just happen under the watch of the pros.

And keeping that anxiety down is surely good for you and the baby?

The web will have loads of horror stories out there. What the pros say matters a lot more.

[Leah88]

I had health anxiety and general anxiety throughout a lot of my pregnancy and although I tried to minimise my stress as much as I could, this wasn't always possible. People saying " try not to stress" doesn't help either, just perpetuates the stress cycle. You and your baby will be fine. People were having babies with sabre tooth tigers around and THAT would have been stressful!

Oh, and I'm also on antidepressants and there is no solid evidence this has any statistically relevant impact on a foetuses brain development. Although while I was pregnant I shared your fears.

[Hancock]

Thank you guys for the congratulations :) it's definitely something to celebrate. I'm just struggling in the fact that due to my severe anxiety and equally as severe depression, I always felt I would never be fit to be a mother. My SO has done much to make me start thinking in a positive direction but those thoughts still eat at me. Like I don't deserve this, and it'll be my luck or my fault or some kind of punishment if my child ends up with some sort of defect. It's a horrible way to think and I really wish my brain would just give it a god d*mn rest.

I know the last thing I should be doing is googling. It was a knee jerk instinct based on a trigger. I saw a commercial about akrons children hospital with a little boy in a wheelchair being helped with physical therapy, and then a friend of mine reposted from a page on FB about this one kid with cerebral palsy and his story. I just kind of lost it in between those two things. Genetically speaking, I know these things are rare, and I know both our families run on the extremely healthy side of the scale. I also don't smoke, don't use drugs, stopped my medication, don't plan on drinking at all, cut out caffeine, eat healthy, etc.

I just feel guilty because everyone around me is so happy for me and happy about this pregnancy in general. Especially my parents and my SOs parents. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy this pregnancy, but I feel like a prisoner in my own mind when it comes to anxiety. And when those doubts creep in with the fear, it's a double whammy of crud.

I thought health anxiety about myself was hell. This is a whole new ride.