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kate
30-10-04, 18:33
Well, so much for the half term week being a nice, relaxing break.

I've had a horrible week and feel very, very, VERY fed up :(

Firstly, my very bestest matey who I work with and socialise with also, has got a new job :(

I love her to bits and I'm really, really pleased for her. BUT I'm really, really sad for me.

Secondly, I took my daughter to the doctors on Friday, and he confirmed that she has OCD and that her symptoms are quite severe.

He has referred her to a psychiatrist and said that it is likely that she will need med's as well :(

This has made me so sad that I can't put into words how sad I feel. :(:(:(

Finally, my son has gone to a Halloween fancy dress party tonight. It is quite a "rough" kind of area, but at a girls house who's parents will also be there.

Anyway, he is dressed as Superman ( I know it's nothing to do with Halloween) and he and his mates wanted to walk through the streets of the crappy area to get to the party.

Me and hubby have said he can only go if hubby drops him at the party as the streets round there are very rough.

Son hit the roof and has now gone off to the party without speaking to me.

So, I'm really sad about that as well :(

I went for another hypno session on Wednesday but, with all this crap going on, I haven't got a clue whether it has been of any benefit or not.

I'm not depressed, bit anxious, well quite a lot anxious I suppose.

But would anyone feel like I am at the moment or is it the anxious/panicky/depressed me overreacting?:(

I seem to have done nothing but have a big fat lump in my throat for the last few days, and could cry at the drop of a hat [:I]

Oh well, lets hope that tomorrow is a better day :D

Kate x

Karen
30-10-04, 18:52
Hi Kate

I'm sorry to hear you have had a bad week. I think anyone would've found it difficult.

So sorry to hear about your daughter. I can understand why you would be really worried about her. You are already doing all you can to help her and hopefully now she is being referred she will get some help to deal with the OCD.

Take care of yourself and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

davebrum
30-10-04, 19:09
KATE
im so sorry to hear about your week i have no real advice but i did want to give you a great big
HUG
keep smiling mate
love david xxx

sal
30-10-04, 19:15
Hi Kate

Sorry to hear so much has happened whilst you should have been having a nice relaxing week off.

Of course how you are feeling is natural i would feel just the same as you. You must be gutted about your daughter like any mother would, but please dont blame yourself. Thankfully it has been recognised and she can start treatment to help her as much as she needs.

That in itself would be upsetting for people who dont suffer anxiety so please dont feel you are over reacting.

I am sure your son will be fine once he comes home, we all have our fall outs.

As for your friend leaving work, i would be the same if Barbara left as we get on so well, and it helps when you have someone who can support you when you are not feeling too good.

I hope you start to feel a bit better soon, but dont forget we are all here to support you.



Love Sal xxxxx

kate
30-10-04, 20:34
Thanks for the support, everyone, and the hug from Dave.

Forgot to mention that son is stopping the night after the party. He is the only lad staying over, with 8 girls [:O]

OMG, maybe I should have sent him with a bumper pack of condoms. Last thing I want right now is to become a Grandma [xx(]

Another thing, one of my cats has gone missing, hasn't been seen for most of the day :(

Kate :(

Karen
30-10-04, 21:11
Hi Kate

I'm sorry about your cat being missing too. I know I would be very worried if one of mine went missing. Everything seems to happen at once sometimes.

I hope your cat turns up soon.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

pips
30-10-04, 21:19
Hi Kate,

So sorry to hear what a bad time of it you have been having latley! You have the done the right thing with your daughter though and she is in the best hands now. Hopefully she can overcome this.

I would feel exactly the same as you in these situations so don't worry.

I have had a week off as well but that hasn't gone brillent. I can relate to that big fat lump in the throat very well!! I have now picked up some kind of flu cold bug type thing. Which inhances my anxiety.

A girl at work who I confide in and am very friendly with is leaving and moving soon. So I don't really have anyone here where I live now. People move on. I know I have myself but it doesn't make it any easier hey mate! So I know exactly how you feel.

Try not to let it get to you though! It's only normal to feel fed up and anxious when things arn't going well!

I hope your cat turns up soon as well!

Take care and I hope you feel better soon!

Love PIP'S XX XX XX

seh1980
31-10-04, 01:38
hey Kate,

Your week sounds like one from hell!! So sorry to hear about your daughter - that must be very tough for you. You are coping well though so well done!!

Sarah :D

kate
31-10-04, 09:29
Ok, one less thing to worry about. MOLLY'S BACK!!!!!!!

She turned up this morning, starving hungry, but fine!! :D

Thanks everyone for your kindness.

Pips, my friend at work is the same. I confide in her about everything, she is funny, always there for me and has seen me through all my worst times. I just can't imagine worklife without her.

Sarah, thanks for your reply. Yes, I am coping with it but still feel like I'm holding it all together by the skin of my teeth.

Karen, you are SO right. Everything does seem to happen at once [xx(]

Here's hoping for a better day today ;)

Thanks again

Luv Kate xx

Karen
31-10-04, 10:54
Hi Kate

Glad to hear Molly's back. Must be such a relief.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

kate
31-10-04, 12:02
Thanks, Karen.

I really thought that something bad had happened to her especially with all the noise from fireworks going on last night :(

She has been asleep on the chair all morning, so haven't got a clue what she got up to last night [:O]

Thanks for your reply!

Luv Kate xxx

Rennie1989
31-10-04, 12:25
ow no kate, what a dissapointment!

i hope next week will be alot better!

ill be thinking of u ,positivly!

Scooter Girl

if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears

kate
31-10-04, 13:06
Thanks, Jade [^]:D[8D]

Luv Kate xx

tara
31-10-04, 15:48
Hi Kate, what a nightmare week for you hun.

Taking one thing at a time, your cat is back! :)

Your daughter has at least be diagnosed with something that can be treated and I hear that meds work really well in children with OCD, hey and at least you have support and advice from here Kate!

And as for your son, I bet he's home now safe and sound, I hope so hun.

How are things for you today??

Take Care Tara xx

nomorepanic
31-10-04, 17:06
Hiya mate

Firstly I know where the cat has been - he went to sort Su's Scamps out. :D:) Glad he is home safe and sound. I go mad with worry when ours aren't here in the morning and evening.

Secondly - I am really sad that your daughter has been diagnosed but I am very impressed that the doctor didn't just fob you off and tell you it is a "phase" and "growing pains" etc. That is quite encouraging that he has taken it seriously and I know you are not happy about it and particularly the thought of having to take medication but it is good that they are acting now rather than leaving it to go untreated.

I hope son is back home safe too and will probably be out "trick or treating" again tonight no doubt.

You should have a good cry and let it all out. Have you discussed the issues with Mark as well?

Big hug to you and I hope you feel a bit better today.:)

May catch you online later for a chat ok?
xxx

Nicola

seh1980
31-10-04, 17:17
hi Kate,

Am happy to hear that your cat has returned!! :)

twister
31-10-04, 18:12
Hi Kate

Sorry to hear you have been down. I'm glad the cat's back though, one less thing to worry about.

Try not to panic too much about your doctors diagnosis of your daughter. Wait till you see the psychiatrist who will know loads more on the matter and have good ways to help. Hopefully as she is so young and you were so alert with picking up on it, it is something that can be nipped in the bud.

Hope things get better for you soon



Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

kate
31-10-04, 19:24
Hi Everyone,

Thanks again for your lovely replies.

Tara, I'm so greatful for all the support here. Although I know it's not strictly a "panic" issue I just felt the need to post here knowing that you lovely lot would know what I was going through.

Son had 1 hours sleep last night. Got a bit p****d on alco pops and wine [:O]

Sarah, Molly has had a very lazy day with lots and LOTS of fusses cos I never thought I would see her again!

Nic, yea she could have been down to Scamps house and had a night on the town with him!! Obviously, Scamps is just like his owner, leads everyone astray! [8D]

Nic, although I feel really down cos of my daughter, I just can't seem to cry. I still got the massive lump in the throat but thats as far as it goes.

I used to be in tears on a daily basis, so find it really odd that the tears now wont come.

I've discussed it all with Mark and he is worried about her but like most blokes, he doesn't know how to deal with it. Mind you, nor do I!!!

Hope to catch up with you later.

Emily,I'm just hoping that the referral doesnt take too long. The doctor said that provisions for childrens mental health is even worse than for adults.

The Health Visitor is contacting the school nurse next week, who in turn will be contacting me. So I'm hoping that maybe things can move forward quite quickley.

Thanks again for all the support you have all given me. It really does help to have people you can talk to and who trully understand :)

Lots of Luv Kate xxx

Laurie28
01-11-04, 12:16
Hiya kate,

Just caught up with this post - what a week

I don't know what to say - I am quite upset for you cause of your daughter but as Nic said - at least it has been diagnosed.

Just thought I would write this to let you know I'm thinking off you
Love
Lucky

Meg
01-11-04, 14:53
Hi Kate,

Sorry to hear of your difficult week . Glad Molly is back safely

Let us know when you've got a date for your daughter to be seen by the specialist, I hope the HV gets on with sopeaking to the school nurse quickly .

Love

Meg

kate
01-11-04, 15:02
Thank you Lucky and Meg for your replies.

I will let you know as soon as I hear anything more. The Health Visitor said she would be in contact with the school nurse either today or Tuesday.

If no one has been in touch with me by Thursday I will phone the Health Visitor again.

Kate x

Meg
01-11-04, 15:23
Yes , keep chasing them !!

Love

Meg

Meg
01-11-04, 17:23
Kate - the latest research for you

Behavior Therapy Urged for Kids With OCD

If you have a child or teenager who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, a new study strongly suggests that cognitive-behavior therapy should be part of any treatment plan.

The study, which appears in the Oct. 27 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that cognitive-behavior therapy was more effective at relieving the symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder than treatment solely with the antidepressant sertraline (Zoloft). However, the study also found a combination of the two was the most effective of all.

"We examined the relative benefit of three active treatments -- cognitive-behavior therapy alone, medication management alone, a combination of the two -- and a placebo over 12 weeks," said study author Dr. John March, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Duke University Medical Center.

"We found that the combination of cognitive-behavior therapy and medication was superior. The response rates were quite a bit more robust for both cognitive-behavior components," he said. "The best treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder is cognitive-behavior therapy."

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder that affects as many as 4 million Americans, according to the American Psychiatric Association. About one in every 200 American children has the disorder, according to the study.

The disorder causes people to obsess over certain situations, such as being contaminated by germs, worrying about causing harm to themselves or others, or being concerned that they will act inappropriately by swearing or making unwanted sexual advances, according to the American Psychiatric Association. People with obsessive-compulsive disorder usually understand their fear is excessive.

The compulsion part of the disorder arises out of a need to lessen discomfort and anxiety over the obsessive thoughts. For example, someone worried about germs might spend hours cleaning their homes or themselves. Some people repeat words or phrases or a behavior over and over again, hoping that these activities will protect them.

One hundred and twelve children with obsessive-compulsive disorder who were between the ages of 7 and 17 were recruited for the study. They were evenly divided and randomly assigned to one of four groups: cognitive-behavior therapy alone, medication management alone, a combination of cognitive-behavior therapy and medication, or placebo.

Ninety-seven youngsters completed 12 weeks of treatment, including 25 from the cognitive-behavior therapy group, 26 from the medication-alone group, 25 from the combination group, and 21 from the placebo arm.

The combination group fared the best, with nearly 54 percent reporting no symptoms of the disorder at the end of treatment. Just over 39 percent of the cognitive-behavior therapy alone group reported remission, and slightly more than 21 percent of those on medication alone reported no symptoms. Just 3.6 percent of those on placebo said their symptoms had been significantly reduced.

March said this study means that "if you have a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder, it's no longer reasonable not to include cognitive-behavior therapy in treatment."

He added that it's especially important to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder in children as quickly as possible, before the ritualistic behavior is further ingrained in the brain.

"I think this is a really important study," said Dr. Anne Marie Albano, a child psychologist at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. "Cognitive-behavior therapy is paramount to overcoming obsessive-compulsive disorder and medication is the ancillary treatment."

Albano added, "Cognitive-behavior therapy can relieve your child of a heavy burden in a short period of time."

March said he didn't know how long each treatment might last, but that "cognitive-behavior therapy seems to be a much more durable treatment. It teaches you a set of skills that should help you in relapse prevention."

A

kate
01-11-04, 19:49
Meg,

Thanks very much for that.

I hadn't realised that OCD is so common - 1 in every 200 American children, amazing.

Will keep you posted.

Kate x

Meg
01-11-04, 20:15
Kate,

You may find that you need to educate those around her at school such as teachers etc.

Don't assume they know about it. They may know the term OCD but not understand the implications as it affects her.

How is she taking it ?


Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

kate
01-11-04, 23:02
Meg,

As soon as I hear word from the Health Visitor that the school nurse has been informed, I will be arranging a meeting with her form tutor and head of house.

On Friday, when her doctors appointment was, she was adamant that she wasn't going to go. I told her that the sooner treatment started the better her chances of overcoming it were.

She sat in the car outside the doctors and kept saying she wasn't going in and that she would rather suffer with it for the rest of her life than to discuss it with the doctor.

I just kept telling her that she WAS going in and eventually she got out of the car and we went in.

The doctor was very understanding and I got my daughter to answer questions about her symptoms to let her feel that she was more in control of the situation.

When we came out, she seemed very relieved and told me that she had thought that the doctor would have fired lots of questions at her and that she would have had to talk for ages about the rituals that she has to perform.

She said she was glad she had gone and seemed pleased that she would be getting help.

Today was the first day back to school after the half term.

She had bought herself a new pencil case and, cos of the way her anxieties manifest themselves, she had to ask me a couple of times whether it was ok to throw away her old pencil case, as her dad had bought it for her and she has to get someones approval that she is doing the right thing in throwing it away.

I just said that it was fine to throw it away and she actually let me put it in the dustbin.

It's as if she trusts me more to reassure her about the anxieties, as if we have a kind of small support group going between ourselves.

Overall I believe she is glad that she has seen the GP and that she may soon get some relief from the exhausting and frustrating rituals that she has to perform.

I still feel that I'm bobbing around in a vast sea trying to keep myself afloat.

Strange way of putting it, I know, but I feel that if I thought about it all for too long and in depth then I may well have a touch of the hysterics!

I feel so very sad about the whole thing.

I'm just waiting to hear from the Health Visitor or the school nurse so that I can get the ball rolling with the school.

I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything

Luv Kate x

jill
02-11-04, 00:19
Hi Kate,

Sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through right now.
I myself have a daughter who has suffered PA and anxiaty
since the age of 3 she is now 11.
I know how hard it can be when the help you want does not come
fast enough.
I can understand how you feel right now I used to say things to my
sister eg I don't want to play this game no more or stop the word
I want to get off. I have had every emotion under the sun you can
think of over the years but what kept me going was my daughter,
she has fought this all the way, now she is doing well.
Your daughter will supprise you to, she will show you just how strong
she can be. Remember Kate all problems have a begining and an
end.

From one mother to another you can do this. Just take one day
at a time.

THINKING OF YOU

LOVE JILLXX

kate
02-11-04, 07:09
Hi Jill,

Thanks very much for your reply.

Did you get any help for your daughter from you doctor?

It was so nice to hear from you as, although such anxieties in children must be very common given the statistics, to actually talk to someone who's child is going through it themselves is a big support in itself.

Does your daughter still suffer at all or is she over it completely?

Thanks again for replying Jill.

Luv Kate x

seh1980
02-11-04, 14:06
hi Kate,

It's normal that your daughter wasn't too keen to speak to the doctor t first - I know I have felt like that enough times!! I must be a very difficult time for you both right now so best of luck!!

Sarah :D

kate
02-11-04, 14:50
Thanks, Sarah :D

Kate x

jill
02-11-04, 15:06
Hi Kate,

So much has happened over the years with my daughter
it would be like writing a book if I explained everything.
I will stick to the Q's you have asked.
Yes I got alot of support from my GP but because of the way
my daughter anxiaty shown itself it was very hard for my GP
to diagnose her. My daughter would throw up 3,4 or 5 times
a day and even in her sleep at night, also feeling unwell all
the time. Alot of other syptoms to. My GP refeared her to
hospital for tests.

She is doing soooo well now I am so pround of her, she still
has a few blips but suffering with this at such an early age
I have had to teach her that it is ok to be a bit anxious.
She has gotten into a few bad habits over the years and we
are in the process of ironing them out to.
It has been a long and hard road to go down but now we are in
the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish back then I had these speical people here to talk to, we did
not have the internet then.
The road you go down may be long or it may be short,
but remember you are not alone there are lots of special people
here who will help and support you.
I will answer any Q's you ask. I'm not that good at writing things
down [I wish they had a spell check on here LOL.] it takes me along
time to reply to post, but I want to help because I know what you
are going through.
Think positve Kate, there WILL be an end to all this it just takes time.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX

jo-jo
02-11-04, 21:51
Hi Kate

Just caught up with all your news, what a time of it you've been having hey?

At least your daughter was glad she went to the GP so you must be feeling a little better knowing that she's involved in her own treatment and that she is ready to receive help.

With all this going on, its no wonder you're feeling anxious right now, you've got an awful lot to deal with.

At least Molly came home safe and well :D

Take care, love Jo xx

kate
03-11-04, 15:34
Hi Jill,

Thanks very much for replying.

I'm so glad that your daughter is so much better and it's good to hear that there is a way out of all this.

Jo, I'm not so much feeling anxious as just very low I think. Thanks for your kind reply.

I phoned the school and have got a meeting with my daughters Head of House and Form Tutor tomorrow (Thursday) at 2.15pm.

Will be interesting to learn whether they have noticed anything at all about her behaviour which has given them cause for any concern.

Will let you all know how it goes.

Once again let me thank you all for the wonderful support you are offering me. I'm feeling pretty "off" at the moment but reading all your messages is helping so much. Thank you.

Luv Kate x

Karen
03-11-04, 15:51
Hi Kate

I hope the meeting at your daughter's school goes well tomorrow.

You are doing well coping with this because I think anyone would be finding it difficult at the moment.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

kate
03-11-04, 18:11
Thanks Karen :D

Kate xx

jill
04-11-04, 17:43
Hope everything went well today Kate.

Thinking of you,

LOVE JILLXX

seh1980
04-11-04, 18:06
hi Kate,

Let us know how it all went today. Take care.

Sarah :D

sarah
04-11-04, 22:06
Hi Kate

Ive only just caught up with this post and im sorry you are having it tough at the moment.

How did it go today at the school?

take care
love Sarah
xx

kate
04-11-04, 22:27
Hi all,

Well, I had my meeting today and was surprised to learn that a year 11 pupil had also been diagnosed last week with OCD so the Head of House was well aware of what it was.

Apparently, a child psychologist visits the school every Tuesday and we have agreed that my daughter will meet with him either next week or the week after.

She will have to be out of lesson for a while to see him but the teacher said she can make up any reason she likes to her friends so that they do not know why she has been away.

They are also going to arrange a meeting between the psychologist and myself so that we can discuss everything.

I hadn't told my daughter that I was visiting the school, but I told her afterwards.

She says she doesn't want to see the psychologist but I've said that she should meet with him the first time and if she isn't happy then we will take it from there.

So, I'm quite pleased that the school are aware of the situation and that they were very helpful.

Kate x

Meg
04-11-04, 22:38
Great progress Kate

Really glad that they already have some knowledge of OCD .




Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

Karen
04-11-04, 22:41
Hi Kate

I'm pleased the meeting went well and they are doing what they can to help.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

seh1980
04-11-04, 22:51
hi Kate,

It's great that the school seems to know exactly what OCD is and tht they are going to do all they can to help. Best of luck to your daughter!!

Sarah :D

jill
05-11-04, 09:03
HI kate,

Good news that the school are being helpful.
It takes the presure off you when you speak
to people and they know what your talkings about.

Things are moving farward know Kate and they
will keep moving farward.

Thinking of you

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX


Don't dwell on what went wrong.
Instead, focus on what to do next.
Spent your energies on moving forward.

Laurie28
05-11-04, 12:16
Good news that the school have heard about OCD. Saved you explaining (where do you start)

Hope things work out

Lucky

kate
05-11-04, 15:30
Sarah, Jill and Lucky,

Thanks for your replies.

I'm glad that the school now know and it was nice that they were aware of OCD and I didn't have to start from scratch with explaining it all.

I myself had been doing so well with my anxiety but this week I seem to have gone downhill quite a bit.

People at work are asking what is wrong as I'm so quiet and feel like I'm fighting back tears all the time.

I'm still very low that my friend will be leaving shortly, within the next 3 weeks and she is the only person at work that I have told.

I don't want to tell everyone else because if I heard any of them make just a single stupid comment about it all, I fear that I would literally hit them [:I]

Several people had asked me today if I was alright, I know they are only concerned, and I ended up crying into the dishwasher! :(

Then they all started flapping round me and I just wanted them to all leave me alone, I hate attention.

I hate not being able to tell them but I can't risk anyone belittleing it cos I know I will go MAD.

I may take a couple of sick days off soon to try to build myself back up and get my head round all that has happened over the last couple of weeks. I'm not very nice to work with at the moment and I can't imagine what it will be like when my friend leaves.

I need to pull myself back up, I had been doing SO well.

It's proving very hard though.

Thanks again to everyone here, you have all been so nice.

Luv Kate xx

jill
05-11-04, 16:48
oh Kate I just want to put my arms around you and tell you everything is going to be all right.
Reading your post made me cry:( it can be sooo hard at times, your post brought it all back to me, but as times goes on things will get better.
You are doing so well, what you are going through you are bound to be anxious. Going through somthing like this would put anyones anxiaty to the test.

Do whatever it takes Kate, take time of work, think of yourself and daughter, try and not to worry about what other people may think.

There is an end to this Kate, but I know what your thinking,
Its not coming quick enough.
One day soon things will start falling into place and you and your daughter will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Wishing you and your daughter well.

LOVE JILLXXXX

sal
06-11-04, 01:37
Hi Kate

Sorry havent kept up with the post.

I am pleased the school is understanding and you will get the support you need.

You have been doing so well recently and it is only natural that this will take the wind out of your sails.

But you have coped well and are still coping.

Well done mate.



Love Sal xxxxx

kate
06-11-04, 15:57
Hi Jill and Sal,

Thanks for your replies.

Jill, sorry my post made you cry [:I] but thanks so much for the words of encouragement.

I've decided, after talking it through with hubby, that I will tell my workmates on Monday about the problems.

My friend will be leaving in a couple of weeks and I know that I will need support at work, even though I can phone my friend in the evening.

If they dont understand then tough. I know that most of them WILL understand and that is all that matters.

Sal, I don't feel as though I'm coping at all well unfortunately.

A lot of the old fears have come flooding back and I'm feeling very anxious whenever the kids go off doing their own thing.

I'm avoiding things, all over again, and most of my good thoughts have disappeared.

I'm not back to being as bad as I was, but still feel that I'm going backward and can't seem to bring back the more positive thoughts.

Wow, don't I feel sorry for myself [V]

Thanks again for your replies

Luv Kate x

seh1980
06-11-04, 16:26
hi Kate,

Sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you lately and that you feel like you are going backwards!! We all get that feeling sometimes when in times of stress and after what you have been through lately, I'm not surprised that you feel the way you do. Don't be too hard on yourself hun, you are doing brilliantly and coping well!!

Sarah :D

kate
06-11-04, 19:49
Awww, Thanks Sarah ;)

Kate x

nomorepanic
06-11-04, 20:06
Hiya Kate

If you dont cheer up then I will make more smileys on MSN and send them to you lol.

I hope it all works out ok with both your daughter and the mate at work.

You know where I am when you want to scream and shout!

Hope you are ok mate.

xx

Nicola

kate
06-11-04, 20:13
Thanks Nic!!! [^]:D[:P]

Kate xx

Rennie1989
06-11-04, 20:15
lol nic!

Scooter Girl

if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears

sal
07-11-04, 02:15
Hi Kate

We are all allowed to have a rough time and for that you dont need to be so hard on yourself.

I think you have coped brilliantly with what you have had to go through this last few weeks and you need to look at how well you have done.

Many people would have totally fallen apart but you havent, although you dont feel great, you are still there fighting it.

You have strength that i dont think you yourself have recognised yet.



Love Sal xxxxx

kate
07-11-04, 09:20
Hi Sal,

Thanks for the reply.

I think I'm more disappointed with myself because it has kind of proved that I can only continue "getting better" if I don't come across any problems in my life.

When I was feeling a lot more positive, life was running fairly smoothly and I was even managing to go places that I had always avoided in the past.

A couple of bad things happen and all the positive feelings have gone.

This is REAL LIFE. Problems will crop up for the rest of my life. I can't just cave in everytime I have to face bad news or to deal with some problem or other.

I'm coping with all the things with my daughter cos I have to try to make her life easier. She is relying on me to get her the help she needs so I will make a nuisance of myself to everyone I need to until that help is forthcoming.

It's bloody tiring though cos everyday there seems to be another phone call to make or a meeting to arrange.

I can't even contemplate how work will be once my friend leaves. She is such a support to me and I don't have that closeness with anyone else there.

But, yet again, that's life and I will have to just accept it and move on :(

I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I honestly am not.

I just wish I could get the positive attitude back as I know that would give me more energy to cope with it all.

Moan over!![:I]

Luv Kate xx

nomorepanic
07-11-04, 17:11
Kate

Sometimes it is a combination of many little things that build up and then before you know it is ONE big thing.

I am not saying that your daughters OCD and the mate leaving are little things, I am talking more generally.

You have these 2 BIG things to sort out so don't be surprised that you feel a bit down.

I have lots of little things at work annoying me at the moment and on their own they are ok, but when you add them all up together it gets to be a pain!

I think that you will feel better once the issue with daugther is sorted out and you feel that she is back on track and getting some help.

You can't stop the friend leaving but I am sure you will keep in touch and she will still be there for you (just not at work).

Things will start to get easier soon and then you will find the strength to fight back at it again.

You are not moaning atall - you are letting off steam and it helps to talk about it doesn't it?

It will come in time again so don't worry too much about it - just accept that this is a bad time at the moment but things WILL get better soon.

Big hug mate
xx

Nicola

kate
09-11-04, 17:05
Thanks, Nic,

You are so right, talking on here about it all has definately helped loads. Thanks everyone.

Daughter had her first session with the educational psychologist today.

When I went to see her Head of House last week, she wasn't sure whether she would be seen this week or at a later date.

My daughter was very anxious about it last night and this morning, but she has come home tonight totally happy.

She said he asked her general questions about her symptoms, about life at home and about her feelings on issues.

He is going to download her a relaxation tape which he is going to give her at next weeks session.

I had been anxious about her all day, and when she told me how well she had got on with him, I couldn't help a tear coming to my eye!! [:I]

I'm pleased for her that she is getting the help she needs. I'm also very, very proud of the fact that she told several of her friends that she was seeing the psychologist and for what.

I've warned her that she may get some negative reactions from her classmates, but that she is not to let them bother her as she is getting the help she needs and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Thanks again for all you lovely people being here for me. You have all helped me to deal with this, THANKS!

Luv Kate x

Meg
09-11-04, 17:09
Hi Kate ,

Its really great that she is now seeing it as a process that will help her and is open about it .

I think you have dealt really well with it too...
Love
Meg

kate
09-11-04, 17:26
Thanks,Meg [:I]

Kate x

Karen
09-11-04, 17:29
Hi Kate

I'm so glad your daughter got on well with the psychologist and is feeling happier that he can help her. It must be a big relief to you.

Well done for coping so well with this.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

nomorepanic
09-11-04, 19:44
Hey Kate

So pleased that you feel a bit brighter about things now.

It is looking up for you both isn't it?

xx

Nicola

kate
09-11-04, 22:43
Hi Karen and Nic,

Thanks for the support.

I am feeling a bit better about it now, Nic.

I think I was kind of numbed by the past couple of weeks worries.

It has helped that she has been seen so swiftly by the psychologist and that she was able to talk to him so easily.

It is hard dealing with anxiety yourself but SO much harder when you see your child suffering.

If I could suffer this illness for her, then I wouldn't hesitate to do so.

I will help and support her for as long as it takes. I hurt so badly for her and wish I could take her suffering away.

But, I can't. All I can do is to be there for her, giving her practical and emotional encouragement.

We WILL get through it :D

Kate x

sal
09-11-04, 23:43
Hi Kate

Pleased she has got the help she needed so quickly, that can only be a relief to you.

We are all feeling for you and whatever we can do to help we will.

I know you didnt need this added pressure with what you have been through but knowing she will talk and is getting help will hopefully help you.

You have done so well coping, you want to remember that.



Love Sal xxxxx

kate
10-11-04, 07:21
Thanks Sal.

Talking about it here, and getting such positive feedback, has definately helped me to come to terms with it all.

I'm feeling much better due to the fact that my daughter is happy about seeing the psychologist.

Things can only get better from now.

Luv Kate x

seh1980
10-11-04, 23:19
hi Kate,

I'm glad to hear that your daughter seems to get along with the psychiatrist. I'm sure things will start to look up for you both very soon!!

Sarah :D

sal
11-11-04, 00:14
Hi Kate

I am pleased she has responded well and is happy to talk about it.

I know over the last few weeks you will have persecuted yourself and blamed your illness on how she feels but i hope you realise that is not the case.

Wanted to mention that in text other day but didnt want to upset you or think i was interfering.

As long as you know that you are her mum and can support her all the way but it isnt you that is to blame. I would feel exactly like you if it was Sam and would blame how i was on contributing how she is but then again you would all support me and tell me that it happens and we cant change that.

Pleased you feel more positive and if there is anything i can do just let me know.

You have done so well coping and i hope you carry on doing so well.


Love Sal xxxxx

Meg
11-11-04, 08:52
Hi Kate,

On Sunday at te Anxiety Conference there is a whole section in Kidzone that is dedicated to Teenage OCD - including workshops for the kids and resources for the parents recommending books etc. Have a look at Nics link to it - there is the schedule of events.

You may decide this is overkill for her as shes suddenly been trust into this full tilt but perhaps you could ring them and see whther you could get a pack from the speaker or something.

Unfortunately I'm only going on Saturday but will keep eyes open for you anyway.




Meg

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

jill
11-11-04, 12:54
Hi Kate,

I am :D happy to hear that you are feeling better.
You and your daughter are doing sooo well.

You are right it what you say
THINGS WILL GET BETTER FROM NOW ON.
Keep those positive thoughts.

Wishings you and your daughter well.

Thinking of you both always

LOVE JILLXXXXX

kate
11-11-04, 15:28
Hi Sal,

How right you are.

I really do think that her anxiety has stemmed from learnt behaviour from me.

Even when I told the people at work about it, I imagined they were thinking no wonder she has problems, look at the mom.

BUT,there is nothing I can do to change the situation even if it is learnt behaviour.

I will just carry on supporting her and doing all I can for her until such time as she is better.

Meg, thanks for the info.

Jill, I am feeling more positive but, if I have a quiet moment to think, I get very upset about it all and feel as if it's all happening to someone elses family not to us.

My daughter is being so much more open with me now, which can only be of benefit to her.

I just feel so sad for her that she is having to go through it all. But, hey, who said life would be easy?

Luv Kate xx

sal
11-11-04, 23:30
Hi Kate

Like i said i would feel that about Sam but it is no reason for you to blame yourself.

I know it is a reason to blame yourself but you have no grounds to do that.

I would be like you and think i had made Sam who she is but in reality we cant choose how are kids turn out. Itf they turn into bad things are we to blame, no because we didnt teach them that.

Your illness does not at all reflect on her so please dismiss that guilt how she feels is not your fault and all you are doing is supporting her and helping her get better, what mum wouldnt do that.

Dont carry guilt along with you as she needs your full support without taking blame on board. I guessed you would be feeling that and just wanted you to remember that this isnt within your control all you can do now is support your daughter and by no way is it your fault.



Love Sal xxxxx

jill
12-11-04, 13:48
Hi Kare,

I know what you mean when you have a quiet moment
to think, all them negative thoughts go racing round in your
head.
I was looking for reasons why this had happend and I was
looking for some one to blame.
But now I know that there is know reason somtimes things just happen, there is no-one to blame and the key is to just look forward.
Look to the future because that is where the end to all this is, and it will
come Kate.


Thinking of you both

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXXXXX


Don't dwell on what went wrong instead,
focus on what to do next.
Spend your energies on moving forward.

kate
12-11-04, 19:55
Hi Sal and Jill,

Thanks a lot for your replies.

I know that what you are both saying is right. My 15 year old son is totally the opposite to my daughter. Laid back and nothing bothers him at all.

I suppose I must just accept that she is how she is through no fault of anyones.

Thanks again

Luv Kate xx

jill
12-11-04, 20:30
Hi Kate,

MY son who is 14 is totally the oppisite as well.

How are you feeling today?

LOVE JILLXXX

kate
12-11-04, 21:29
Hi Jill,

Strange that the anxiety hasn't affected the sons in any way.

My daughter has had a very difficult day today. Three of her so called mates have fallen out with her and I had her in tears tonight saying she wants to transfer to another school.

One of the girls phoned here asking to speak to her and I told her she didnt want to talk to her and that I was going to the school next week to get it sorted.

I was so angry. On top of everything else, she doesn't need this as well.

I seem to have gone into mega protective mode!

The trouble with my daughter is that she can't bear anyone to fall out with her, so puts up with a lot to keep friends with everyone.

So, all in all, not the best of days, again!

How are things with you and your daughter?

Luv Kate xx

jill
12-11-04, 22:23
Hi Kate,

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day:(
MY daughter has been the same with friends in the past
she would do anything to keep them.
Reading your post it was like reading somthing from my past
my daughter went though the same thing.
But now since her anxiaty as almost gone she has chaneged
sooo much she will not take anything from anyone.
She is still doing well:D
You in time will see a change.
I know its hard Kate but try and keep those positive thoughts
going.

Let us know how you get on at the school.

Wishing you and your daughter well

LOVE JILLXXXXX


Don't let today's disappointments
cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams.

Meg
13-11-04, 22:04
Kate , Nic and I picked up all sorts of stuff for you . The conference up to this year has always just been OCD so is more geared up for that than anything else

You'll get an envelope shortly ...

Love
Meg

nomorepanic
13-11-04, 23:01
Kate - I got loads of info on OCD for website so I am sure some will help you. Got some leaflets on ocd at school too.

Will pass it on asap ok?

Nicola

kate
13-11-04, 23:28
Oh Nic,

Thanks, that will be great [^]

Speak soon

Luv Kate xxx

kate
13-11-04, 23:29
Sorry, Meg, missed your post.

Thanks very much to you as well.

Luv Kate xx

kate
14-11-04, 21:37
We've had a few very stressful days with our daughter and things just seem to be going from bad to worse.

Who gives us the support that we, as a family need, to know how to cope with her behaviour?

We are all being affected by it. How do we know what is the best way to deal with it? Where is the help for us?

I'm just not coping with it, nor is my husband. We are doing our best, but it just isn't enough.

We are all unhappy and I'm worried that we will end up making her worse not better as we don't know how to deal with it.

Kate

Meg
14-11-04, 22:00
Kate ,

We picked up something about a teleconference for families and carers with OCD members.
Its 2 sessions at 7 pm on the phone Wed 24th and Sun 28th November .

Its run by www.ocdcentre.com

I'll send you the flyer with the other bits.

Love

Meg

nomorepanic
14-11-04, 22:07
Kate

The best advice is to be prepared. Read all you can on it and know what you are dealing with then you are more prepared for the things that will happen.

I don't want to preach at you but have you read the website - www.ocdaction.org.uk

I hope things look up soon for u all


Nicola

kate
15-11-04, 19:13
Thanks for the link, Nic and thanks for the chat last night, meant a lot.

Cheers mate :D

Luv Kate xxx

kate
15-11-04, 19:15
Thanks, Meg, could be just what we're looking for.

Luv Kate xx

jill
15-11-04, 23:51
Hi Kate,

I am really sorry to hear what you and your family
are going through.
I know how it can effect each member of the family:(
All I can go off is my past.
When my daughter was diagnosed we all as a family went
to see a child psychologist, she spoke to us all as a family
and helped us all to understand and what we could do to
help her get through this.
Who ever you daughter is seeing maybe you could ask if you
can see them as a family.
There is help out there Kate but you have to go out and find it.
Maybe you could ask your GP if they could refair you to see
someone as a family.

I know how much you and your family are hurting and I wish
I could take your pain away, but I can't all I have are words,
I know you can't see it now but there is an end to all this it just
takes time.

Thinking of you


LOVE JILLXXX

kate
22-11-04, 22:35
Hi Jill,

Thanks very much for your reply.

My daughter has told me that the educational psychologist needs to see me soon so I will ask him about what resources are available for us as a family.

At the moment, whether she is arguing with us or is constantly talking, due to her being anxious about something, we are just letting it all go over our heads in case we make her feel worse by saying something wrong.

She was anxious about going to school today, worrying about some small thing, and yesterday never stopped talking and skin picking, so I knew something was wrong.

So, all today, I have been worrying about her, being close to tears all day and only being able to talk to my friend at work about it stopped me from just going back home and retiring back to bed.

My friend only has a medical on Thursday to do now for her new job, and once that all comes back ok she will be handing her notice in.

At the moment I'm not sure how I will cope without her being at work with me. It's a very scary thought that I keep putting to the back of my mind but I know that her leaving date will now be very soon.

Anyway, daughter will be seeing the psych tomorrow so we will see what he has to say.

Thanks for your continued support, Jill, it really is much appreciated.

Luv Kate xx

kate
23-11-04, 19:16
Nic,

Hannah saw the ed psych today and told him that Meg had sent her the relaxation CD.

She told him that I suffered anxiety as well and she told him about this site.

He asked her for the web addy, which she gave him, and he has said he will check it out!

Just thought how sweet it was of her to give the site a plug! [^]

Luv Kate x

Meg
23-11-04, 19:22
Thats great Kate, how lovely of her . Please thank her for us.

We have quite a few docs who have popped by. They are all very welcome.

How is she doing in herself ??

Did you look up the OCD telecon site for family at all ?


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

kate
23-11-04, 19:43
Hi Meg,

I never received the flyers etc from you so haven't been able to check it out!

Hannah has anxious days and worse anxious days. But, at least she is now opening up more and telling me how she is feeling and if things are causing her anxiety to rise.

The psych has told her that her Head of House will be phoning me shortly to arrange a meeting between the psych and myself so will be able to ask him how we should be approaching the problem.

Things are quieter here at the moment as we are all making an effort to stay calm and hopefully this will transfer to Hannah as well.

Still haven't heard any more about the GP referral, so don't know how long that will take.

Kate x

mico
25-11-04, 13:51
Hi Kate

Just been browsing the BBC2 website and I came across this page:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/vine/moreinfo.shtml

There's some links there for various OCD organisations, I don't know if they'll be any help but I thought I'd post it up.

mico

Meg
25-11-04, 14:21
Sorry Kate,

It's on the website I posted at the time.

Here it is again: www.ocdcentre.com

Will sort out that stack of papers now ....



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

kate
25-11-04, 14:51
Thanks, Mico, will check it out.

Ooh, sorry Meg, I thought you meant the info was in the flyers and leaflets that you were sending [:I]

Will look at the site again!

Kate x

kate
29-12-04, 15:39
Well, I haven't posted here for a long time things haven't been good but I haven't been in the mood to share.

Hannah is still seeing the psych but he is only able to help with school related issues.

Have received a letter from the child councelling unit just saying that they will be in touch to discuss Hannah's problems in full. So don't know when that will be.

Have now done my first week at work without my mate and it was even worse than I thought it would be. She ended up leaving a week earlier than planned due to our bosses totally dominant behaviour.

The boss only started last February and as soon as she arrived was telling us that she was here to stay and if we didn't like her way of managing then we knew where the door was [V]

That has been her general attitude all along and it really puts you off going to work, isn't a nice place to be at all.

She has also stopped the smokers having a fag until 1.15, after dinner service. I know smoking is bad, I know I shouldn't do it BUT I DO!

I now have to go 5 hours without a fag and if you have ever had an addicition, you will know how crap it makes you feel to abstain!

She just makes the working atmosphere so bad. I could laugh about it when my mate was there, but now it's just horrible.

Anyway, back to the point. I was offered a job with a friend of my mates who runs her own cleaning company. Twenty hours a week, 5 per hour, 9am - 1pm , cleaning private houses.

Not exactly the type of job that I'm aiming for, but it would have got me away from the Hitler type regime in the school kitchen :D

But, I can't have the holidays off with my daughter, only 20 days a year.

I know she is nearly 13 but she has taken to following me around constantly, asking for reassurance and needing me to be there. There is no way she could cope on her own during the holidays at the moment.

So, I had to turn the job down and it's back to the kitchen next Tuesday, without my mate, and without a fag for 5 hours :(

In addition, Hannahs behaviour has worstened towards myself.

She runs me down constantly, wont do as she is told and generally makes me feel very, very low.

We popped to Asda today and she was critisising my driving, my choice of clothes that I was looking at, moaning on that she wanted to go to the chippy on the way home and I just broke down.

How embarassing, crying while wandering round Asda [:I]

Hannah kept saying stop crying, she looked dead shocked that I was so upset. But I couldn't stop. I think I have kept this brave face on for too long.

I need help, I can't deal with it on my own. I can't pretend to be bloody happy mom so as not to upset Hannah any further. I can't carry on in a job that causes me so much stress. It's a school canteen for heavens sake, not anything that should be so stress provoking.

I'm definately not depressed. We had a lovely christmas though Hannah was no better. What I am is anxious and stressed and not looking forward to going back to a job that I like, but people who I dislike LOADS.

Anyway, rant over [:I]

Kate

nomorepanic
29-12-04, 18:05
Kate

It probably did you good to have a cry today and perhaps Hannah will realise that you are hurting at the moment as well. She may not have realised that she is upsetting you so much and saying things that hurt you.

It is a shame about the job as well. I can sympathise cos I am now alone at work after they shipped Nick and Kev out and it is not the same without them. Looks like I may not have a job there in 5 months time either.

It doesn't matter what the job is, we all still need to feel valued there and want it to be a pleasant place to work.

With regard to the smoking issue, do you get a break in the 5 hours cos I am sure they have to legally give you one and therefore you can go for a fag if you want to.[:O] That is just being unreasonable I think.

I hope things pick up for you soon and you feel a bit better. Let's hope that things get worked out with Hannah and she starts to think of you in all of this as well.

Big hug mate and catch you online later maybe.[:P]

xxx

Nicola

kate
31-12-04, 10:10
Hi Nic,

Thanks very much for the reply.

I actually work 5 1/2 hours per day, and legally a break doesn't have to be given unless you work 6 hours per day [:O]

But, working in a kitchen, you are literally on your feet for the entire day and I can honestly say that you work for the whole of the time you are there. If you happen to stop for a chat for 5 minutes, someone is on your back asking if you are looking for something to do [V]

Anyway, when I first started at the kitchen, the then boss allowed the smokers to go for a fag during the working day as long as this was not abused. I used to go outside for half a fag about 10.30 and another half about 12.30. All in all about 6 or 7 mins away from work.

When the new boss started, she stopped this and said that you could have a fag at 12 oclock, which she has now changed to 1.15.

This arrangement is, of course, fine if you dont come into work until 11 oclock, we all have different hours at work depending on what job we do.

But, I have to go 5 hours and I just find it so hard! I know it's a bad habit and that I shouldn't smoke but I do. You have to know the boss to realise what its like working for her. This smoking rule just makes a crap working environment even more unbearable.

To a non smoker, this would not seem to be a problem, but to a smoker it IS :(

As you said it is really hard when people you have liked to work with, move on. My mate has seen me through so much over the last 2 1/2 years. There is no one else there that I can talk to in the same way. I just don't want to go back there on Tuesday and I know that, unless this boss leaves, I will have to leave myself and get a job elsewhere.

As I previously explained, I will have to get another school job in view of how Hannah is at the moment. This I suppose will mean another kitchen job as I haven't yet got my qualification for office work, the course doesn't finish until next July.

You try not to let it all pull you down, but it does. My own anxiety, now Hannah's problems, the Hitler type boss, it all contributes to making you feel low.

But, luckily, it hasn't all resulted in the depression coming back, so although I am feeling fed up, I'm still able to think positively and hope that improvements will be forthcoming in all area in the near future.

Thanks Nic for you continued support. You never fail to ask me about how Hannah and myself are doing and I really appreciate your help. Thanks very much.

Lots of love

Kate xxx

nomorepanic
31-12-04, 19:49
Kate

That is a shame about the 6 hours working rule. I thought it would be less than that cos I only work 7.5 hours a day anyway.

Why don't you hang on till you get the qualifications in July and then see how you feel. I bet you would miss all those long holidays if you were not working at a school lol.

Thanks for you support too - you have been a good friend over the last year and I hope we can continue to support each other next year too.

Happy New Year mate!

xx

Nicola

kate
01-01-05, 10:30
Cheers mate!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and Alex!

Great party in chat last night LOL

Speak to you later

Lots of love Kate xxx

nomorepanic
01-01-05, 17:22
Happy New Year mate.:D

Yes it was fun last night - I had a great time and the quiz was fun.

I think everyone enjoyed it.

I have the hangover from hell today though[:O]

Nicola