eshu55
10-05-17, 01:12
Yesterday, after I Google diagnosed myself with a type of extremely rare and highly aggressive skin cancer that mostly strikes elderly pale skinned men over 70 with depressed immune systems (none of which apply to me), I wrote a poem, using the words of Supertramp's The Logical Song, about Googling (and health anxiety). Hope you enjoy and don't find it too triggering...
The Google Song (never never never Google)
When I was young, it seemed that life was so simple
It was so wonderful, I felt immortal
All the diseases that were so ghastly,
Were yet to be revealed to me,
Joyfully, playfully, I had no medical dictionary.
But then I learned to search for WebMD and the Mayo Clinic(al),
Terrible, miserable, it’s likely fatal.
And I found a world where I could be so abnormal,
Terrible, horrible, definitely mortal.
But there are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.
Now watch what you read, they’ll be calling it ineradicable,
Cancerous, metastasis, likely terminal,
Won’t you put in all your symptoms, we’d like to tell you’re
Abnormal, bronchial, tumoral, a vegetable!
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.
A pain, a lump or a spot, it’s bound to be critical,
I’m already planning my funeral,
And though the doctors say it’s minor and will go away,
I’m certain it’s incurable.
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.
The Google Song (never never never Google)
When I was young, it seemed that life was so simple
It was so wonderful, I felt immortal
All the diseases that were so ghastly,
Were yet to be revealed to me,
Joyfully, playfully, I had no medical dictionary.
But then I learned to search for WebMD and the Mayo Clinic(al),
Terrible, miserable, it’s likely fatal.
And I found a world where I could be so abnormal,
Terrible, horrible, definitely mortal.
But there are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.
Now watch what you read, they’ll be calling it ineradicable,
Cancerous, metastasis, likely terminal,
Won’t you put in all your symptoms, we’d like to tell you’re
Abnormal, bronchial, tumoral, a vegetable!
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.
A pain, a lump or a spot, it’s bound to be critical,
I’m already planning my funeral,
And though the doctors say it’s minor and will go away,
I’m certain it’s incurable.
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
And the questions run too deep
To resist the Google urge
Won’t you please tell me why I’m concerned
Though the results are likely absurd
But please tell me what I have.