cant be at my dads 80th b/day party;-(

[andy2020]

hi

my dads 80th birthday in 2 weeks and the family are planning all sorts like a limo ride and meal or a party,
i have been bad for the last few months not been able to even cross the road where i live,
how will i cope with the thought of not been able to get to his party,
this is making me so sad,
mum knows about my condition but non of the other family do as i am too ashamed,
and mum isnt that supportive she just says stuff like pull youself together and i think she refuses to admit the scale of my problem to herself so no real help there,
oks any words of reassuance or support would be most grateful,

andy ;-(

[normalwisdom]

Ok Andy can you maybe just try and do it and get there even if you don't stay for too long.........I know that doesn't help but if the rest of the family don't know then maybe you could make an excuse.........If you feel brave enough could you tell someone else about your condition and maybe have them help you. Don't be ashamed of your condition you will be suprised how much help there is out there for you. I thought I was on my own then found that several family members are the same just "hid" it.

You take care

[cattttt]

If you really can't be there Andy, even with someone to help you, just say that you are too ill, you won't be lying, anxiety is an illness just like any other. It really is nothing to be ashamed of, all of us here on this forum have been there. Get some help, your gp is the first stop and don't be put off if he/she is not very sympathetic, if that happens try another one.

[clickaway]

Andy,

If you can't make it, you can't make it. There are plenty of people who can't make these kind of celebrations because they are physically too ill. Is there any real difference here - for these purposes think of it as another illness.

I know it's difficult. My Dad will be 90 in October and I could probably go as I feel today, but would be difficult. But I certainly couldn't do a party.

Perhaps you could see him in quetly, thus avoiding the stress of the festivities, before long.

Take Care

[Indoorsy]

This is quite common I think and happens to me too. All you can do is tell them you are ill. That way nobody is hurt you don't get there and nobody knows about your illness as a result.

[joy]

are you on any meds to help? maybe a visit to the doc to get something to relax you. You shouldnt have to live live this altho lots do

Joy

[jo61]

I've lost track of the number of family occasions I've missed out on over the years. For me it would have meant flying home. I missed my brother's 50th, my uncle's 80th, another uncle's 40th wedding anniversary. I felt guilty but at the time I just didn't feel up to it. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[trac67]

Hiya,

I have missed my parents 40th wedding celebrations, my nan's 90th birthday last year and then her funeral a few weeks ago :mad: :weep:

Please don't beat yourself up about it though, I did that and it didn't get me anywhere except make my anxiety even worse.

Like the title of your post says, you CAN'T be at you dad's birthday, not you don't want to be, and thats what is important.

If you were laid up with a stomach bug or the flu, people wouldn't expect you to be there, and anxiety is an illness just like those things.

My family don't understand why I cannot go to family events, I can explain until I am blue in the face and have steam coming out of my ears, but unless you suffer yourself then it is a very hard illness to get to grips with.

Give your dad a call on his special day, write him a nice message in his card and let him know even though you wont be there celebrating with him in person, you will be there in spirit :)

Hope this helps:hugs:

Take care

Trac xx

[Piglet]

I too am often absent from things and like Trac I missed a funeral just yesterday!! :weep:

It doesn't help that I live more than a couple of hundred miles or so away from my family, so putting a journey like that into the equation is just not achievable at present, not only from the anxiety point of view but also financially!!

I did used wonder what they all thought but I guess I am feeling stronger in who I am these days because I now don't really care about this angle of it - if people have a problem with it then that is their worry not mine, I only care about the missing out on events side of it and seeing people I care about.

Don't beat yourself up about this hun!!

Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

I agree with all of the above!!:) But i will tellyou how i deal with GOING OUT!!I always have a get out clause!!Make sure i am by a door so i can leave calmly..this stops the fear in the first place so i rarely panic now,only if i feel stuck:ohmy: I always make sure i know what the venue is like before i go..if i cant do that venue then i dont go..i accept my anxiety and others have to also.Not many folk un derstand if they have never had it mate ,soi dont always tell people BUT..if i need to say ,i have to leave i make sure i tell them why!No shame Andy..never be ashamed or embaressedI hope you can find a way of going as you will have made a huge stride forward,but if you cant then try making small steps first,that is what i did hun..best of luck.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[groovygranny]

Hi Andy

Can't say anything that hasn't been said already - such good advice here.

Just sending a hug :hugs: to reassure you that you should not be ashamed to tell anybody what you go through.

If you had a broken leg you wouldn't be ashamed would you?

So, whatever you do, I wish you all the best and hope you may be at peace with whatever decision you make.

:flowers:

[darkangel]

Hi andy

I agree with the others - please dont give yourself a hard time over this. I too have not been able to attend many family occasions and missed out on loads of my daughters things like school concerts, dance shows in the past.

You are unwell at the moment so please dont feel ashamed or guilty. In time you will be able to attend events - just give yourself some time.

Lots of hugs and do whats right for YOU!

Luv Darkangel x

[scoobygirl2005]

Hi

Try not to worry about it, am sure your dad will understand that you can't be there. Hugs for you. :hugs:

Scooby2005
x x

[nomorepanic]

Andy

Welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

If you can't go then you can't but what about giving it a try??

Imagine how thrilled they would be if you just showed up even for minutes. It would make everyone's day.

My advise is go for it - you can't die from trying and you may regret it forever if you don't.

[honeybee3939]

Hi Andy

I can understand just how you must be feeling, but like Nic says i would give it a try. i have been in your sittuation many times, been Agoraphobic i also have missed out on many social events. I have actually learnt through the years of suffering that the word Cant is my worst enemy, the best thing i feel now is to use the word try. At least when we try we have given it our best shot and if we succeed what a bonus that is. but when we say Cant in my own oppinion i have let the anxiety win.

I really hope you can manage to go hun.

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx