HELP! derealisation

[monty]

Hi everyone, haven't been here for a while.

Been feeling very lonely and sad recently and for the past 2/3 days I seem to have been in a constant state of 'derealisation'... nothing seems quite right. It gets worse at night or when I think about it. Can distract myself with TV and work but I can't seem to snap out of it.

Feel like I'm overthinking everything at the moment and am frustrated with myself. Just want to get back to some form of normality.

Any advice would be great- I feel so alone in my own head.

Why is this happening? Why can't I just be normal?! :shrug: :weep:

Please help, thank you,

Lucy

[bottleblond]

Hi Lucy,

I ask myself the same question on a daily basis. Why can't i be normal again, why is this happening to ME? what did i do to deserve this? on and on it goes.

Rather that sitting at night with your mind going around in circles, come on here, chat to people about how you feel. seriously Lucy, you'll realise your not on your own and that many others here are going through the same thing. It's really helpfull to chat to others that can relate to your situation, makes us feel a little more normal (which of course we are).

Hope you feel better soon toots
Love n stuff
Lisa
xxx

[skylight2007]

Here is another of Sky's articles for us to read and review.

Piglet :flowers:

DEPERSONALISATION/DEREALISATION


Mental detachment and anxiety my personal meaning

How many of us have experienced those feelings of unreality, feeling lost, feeling like were not here, feeling as if were losing touch with our very own existence in the present moment. Feeling as if we have lost our identity. For those of us who have experienced this , it can feel like a total shut down of the world we know and recognise, as everything appears to be unreal, unrecognisable, strange, and weird. I described these sensations as sleep walking but with my eyes open. like going somewhere, like shopping, not paying attention to the surroundings, almost like being in a daydream, coming home, and feeling like I have never moved an inch. It’s almost as if my senses had stopped communication with me, I experienced all of my senses as a blank awareness, feeling disconnected to everything, most of all to my self, like a complete loss of self of who I was in the world around me. Not only was the world around me unfamiliar, but my very existence seemed to be bordering on the edge of losing touch with my inner world and the outer world. If my own inner experiences were so fragile, based on negative thinking and severe anxiety then it just seemed to me that what was left was a small glimpse of a beautiful person who was slowly being eroded by fear. What was happening to my personality?

The issue of control and safe personal boundaries

I have really tried to explore this feeling to try and make sense of it all and the more I was healing the more I became aware of the negative power of control in my life. The more I was controlled the more I lost touch with the real me.

Conditional Self worth, development of distorted perceptions.

If we are so controlled, how do we ever learn to protect ourselves in the world? If our judgments become distorted ,if our feelings are dismissed, if we never get told were good, if we never get praised, if we never experience a hug, or told were loved, or made to feel worthy? Then what we are left with is a very fragile personality, that has no boundaries to defend our self, have no voice to speak out, can never say how we feel, afraid of conflict, afraid to show strong feelings, have no strong coping skills because our thoughts and feelings make us feel as if we have no self worth. Even the very good that we do is clouded with self doubts. We all understand how a negative thought pattern can lead to more negativity, making us feel symptoms that we clearly do not want. If we do not want these symptoms, then how were they created? My feelings and experiences were not my own. I was dominated by fear.

Maintaining a destructive mental thought pattern

Without any kind of positive regard, I went through life especially in my younger days, fighting to be recognised for being worthy, fighting to be loved, just wanting someone to say, I was important in the world, what I said had meaning, and I could make a positive difference with those around me. I just wanted someone to recognise that I was alive with feelings, thoughts, ideas and opinions; I just wasn’t allowed to express my existence and still be accepted. If those around me couldn’t accept me, then how could I ever accept myself? I was taught that it was wrong to be me, I was afraid to be me!!!!!!!!! I never understood why I had a fear of dying many years ago, but today what this meant, my personality was dying. On the mental level, due to extreme anxiety, any good that I had inside of me, was being eroded by fear. My very existence was in denial because those around me had encouraged me to deny my own sense of self worth!!! This denial of my self was my meaning of depersonalization and the awakening of a realization that was not based on the conditions of how others wanted me to be and believe, but there was another power that had nothing to do with negative control, it had everything to do with the power of love , belief and faith.

SELF REALIZATION my personal meaning

Unconditional love

For those of you who have practiced Meditation, there is a state of awareness that is attained and could be described as experiences similar to depersonalization or derealisation. But there is one massive difference between the two experiences even though the feelings and sensations may be similar, they are not. The experience is very different because one experience is based on control of fear, and the other is based on Love and the process of self development.

If I could be myself, what would I be like? I use feel afraid to be me. If I could be so controlled by fear, then what of love?

Fear had taught me that everything I experienced was false, there was no room for growth, personal growth, and personal identity.

I knew that if I could be myself, I would never want to hurt anyone, never put anyone down, never want anyone to fear me. I would never want others to feel what I had experienced , I would want them to be themselves, encourage them to express their feelings, find their own way in life, make their own mistakes, build their confidence, develop their own identity separate from others, respect their feelings and encourage them to believe in themselves, develop their own sense of personal boundaries, learn the difference between right and wrong, foster a non judgmental attitude, develop a strong sense of personal value and self respect, learn to appreciate the difference in others, accept personal responsibility for their thoughts , feelings and actions, learn to value peoples personal spaces as well as their own, learn to appreciate their personal efforts, take an interest in what is important to them, encourage them to value all aspects of themselves and still feel loved!! And accepted!!!

Every one of us has these qualities and they are qualities that encourage us to feel worthy and valued. We all have the same needs, to be loved, wanted, needed, and valued and when we have love in our lives, we grow in deeper understanding of ourselves and others.

I learned for myself that this was a power far greater than fear and control. The denial of myself was me telling myself, that I did not want to exist in a world where my only fate was pain and suffering.

Depersonalization was an experienced based on extreme anxiety, all senses detached, nothing to grasp onto, only a feeling of being completely lost in myself and the world of fear and control.

Self realization was the awakening of the real me in the world, the person I really am, the person I am not afraid to be anymore!! It is a state of inner awareness between a mind based on negative thinking, and a mind based on positive thinking. When we can accept both aspects in ourselves then the process of unconditional love is fostered within. My previous experiences were to only accept the negative, and deny the good in me. The personal transformation if you like, was to nurture with commitment and determination all the good I knew I had but wasn’t allowed to show, expressing such wonderful qualities was not too hard to do, as I had experienced the total opposite in my life and even though I have an awareness of both, the power of unconditional love far outweighs the power of control!! With love as a positive force or energy, there is in my view, no loss of identity!!! Sky xxx
__________________

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.


:hugs: Hope this helps . Sky:flowers:

[sickofpanic]

I seem to have been in a constant state of 'derealisation'... nothing seems quite right. It gets worse at night or when I think about it. Can distract myself with TV and work but I can't seem to snap out of it.

Hi Lucy,

I have the same feeling, I feel somewhat detached and "spaced-out" from everything and my mind will drift away even when I am with a group of people having a conversation. I have to snap myself out of it or the people I am with tend to prod me which is quite embarrasing. I find looking around and focusing on different objects and different distances seems to help.

Cheers

[Zanxiety]

I know the feeling, I get it up and down everyday although I don’t experience these feelings too badly. It can almost feel as if you’re not really alive, and reading all of these posts really is quite comforting I must say.

While I do suffer from these feeling sometimes, the way I try to see it is that the fact that you can actually see, smell and hear things gives proof that you are real, it’s just negative thoughts which give the illusion that makes things seem unreal and in yourself. I noticed the times I don’t think about it, I actually feel very real; another way to tell that it’s caused by unwanted thoughts.

I will admit even when I sometimes tell myself this I still suffer from this feeling a little bit, but thought I’d tell you anyway.

Hope you feel more of yourself soon.