I have a serious problem with anxiety

[Thelegend27]

So previously I've posted about lymph nodes, and for the past couple of weeks I have been doing great at not touching them.

But tonight for unknown reasons I touched right below my left collarbone, and I felt a hard lump, I almost had a panic attack, I started feeling the right side and I was a little relieved when I felt something like it on the right side which makes it symmetrical which means it's probably part of the body I have no idea about.

The left side feels like a hard muscle, as well as the right, the left muscle seems slightly bigger, if I put my fingers on my collarbone and move my fingers down I hit muscle which sticks out further than the collarbone so I have to glide my fingers over the muscle. Like I said the left muscle feels slightly bigger than the right so that's what gave me the impression of a lump, when I raise my shoulders and tilt them forward the muscles and everything sink in and my collarbone is sticking out with no lump so it's not a mass connected to my collarbone. I am right handed so I'm not sure why this muscle or whatever is slightly bigger on the left side, of course I pay too much attention to things and I need to stop but it's my anxiety doing it's thing.

Does your muscle lump up under your collarbone? Also it's right next to the sternum, it's like in the curve where the collarbone joins the sternum below the collarbone not above it.

[Mav]

I know this mindset

"I've been doing well" "let me just have a feel in and around my collarbone, just to make sure"

This is how you fall back into a spiral.

It's like taking yourself to the edge of a cliff, sticking one foot over the edge just to see. Obviously it's more likely than not you're going to lose your balance and fall down the cliff.

This is exactly the same.

[walkerbull]

I know this mindset

"I've been doing well" "let me just have a feel in and around my collarbone, just to make sure"

This is how you fall back into a spiral.

It's like taking yourself to the edge of a cliff, sticking one foot over the edge just to see. Obviously it's more likely than not you're going to lose your balance and fall down the cliff.

This is exactly the same.

Yes, the exact same thing happens to me. Today someone said "Well done, you haven't talked about your symptoms". Long behold an hour later, twitch in check, twitch in chin, twitches everywhere, not to sound nutty but its like a higher power is deliberately doing this to me.

And that awful feeling when you think "Maybe this time it's real....."

[Mav]

Yes, the exact same thing happens to me. Today someone said "Well done, you haven't talked about your symptoms". Long behold an hour later, twitch in check, twitch in chin, twitches everywhere, not to sound nutty but its like a higher power is deliberately doing this to me.

And that awful feeling when you think "Maybe this time it's real....."

Oh I know that higher power feeling too :/

Like for example, if something new pops up "right, well this is it. I'm waving the white flag, I surrender.This is it, this time, this is it".

UGH -_-

[siwz991]

Thelegend, I had exactly the same, my collarbones are very asymetrical, and I have on both of them some bumps like muscles or something (oh wait there are muscles!). When i touched these areas first time I had anxiety so high that only sky was the limit. I can relate also to other places like back of the neck, back of leg under knee, arms and armpit.I will tell you one and you already know it, if your gonna looking for problems your gonna find them. I found some lumps on these areas that scared me, asked my girlfriend to touch them, asked even some docs, they laghued at me and I went to private clinic, they are normally all so serious xD and I'm done with this stuff man. I'm now in process of acknowledging that nobodys body is perfect and we HA ers are the only who care about this.

[Thelegend27]

Yeah right where the collarbone joins the sternum the muscle or bone sticks in a roundish shape more so on the left which gave me the impression that it was a lumo and combine that with the overactive mind of a hypochondriac and that's what scared me.

[siwz991]

I have the same fears actually, have a bit lumpy left tendon/muscle above sternum! Ultra sound revealed nothing, nor docs were concerned. But I stuck thinking there's something

[Thelegend27]

Yeah when I lift my left arm the lump hardens more which makes me believe it's a muscle. My left chest muscles are a little bigger than the right chest muscles which could explain the slight difference. I'm not sure why my chest muscles are different since I am right handed it seems my right side should be bigger. But I am thinking more of a muscle than the dreaded tumor. Even if it were a tumor it may not be serious because there are benign fatty tumors. But I believe it's a muscle and I need to stop paging attention to it.

I noticed the slight size difference a while back but never thought much of it, but I guess since I've had a lot of anxiety lately that's probably why I bothered me now and not then.

[Fishmanpa]

I have a serious problem with anxiety

Sadly, this is very true Legend. I've been around a while and yeah... you're hurting :( I wish there were words that would get through to you so you would help yourself.

Professional real life mental help is in order. I believe you know this deep down. You can post here for years but it's not a replacement for real life professional mental health help.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[Worrywart1234]

I know exactly how you feel. All it takes for me is someone asking how I feel - every time this happens it's starts my anxiety working over time for days at a time. I've started refusing to discuss anything health related. Now I always say I am a healthy person and I've never felt better... and while I guess it's true, it still sets the anxiety off. It's not easy.