valkia
14-05-17, 21:34
Hello everyone, my name is Mark.
I'm going to format this post in an easy to read manner, since this is something in my life which has become a major daily problem, still being properly undiagnosed (maybe due to my ignorance trying to live a normal life). It's taken me a long time to decide to actually post something.
I currently have, no idea what I have - I've convinced myself it's anxiety since I've had it for such a long time without any real major issues (in terms of health) but find it hard to call it anxiety since, it happens at moments I don't really need to worry about anything. I'll explain all of this. The overall message is, day-to-day I don't ever really feel normal. There are brief moments i'll feel fine, sometimes when I'm really zoned into my work it's fine too.
How often do I have symptoms
I have my symptoms daily since I was about 16-17 (now 27)
Am I worried?
Technically speaking, my personality is a worrier (probably inherited from my Mother) - however, I'm a strong person in which I'll go about my daily life without any issues. I've worked in PR, travelled around the world and my daily work means I talk to hundreds/thousands of people through an online website (called Twitch). This is why I'm getting confused that I'm getting symptoms in situations i'm completely fine in, or feel I have no reason to have any anxiety issues.
Do I have any known triggers?
My main "worrier" symptoms is health, but mainly my eyes. If I have any visual disturbances, this is something which I know spins me into having anxiety style symptoms. Anything which remotely looks or feels strange with my vision is a no-go for my mind.
I also have Aura Migraines a couple of times a year, which could be the origin behind my visual issues. It's an uncomfortable, yet harmless visual disturbance which essentially makes a person unable to see in an eye.
I'll be listing in my symptoms what I see / get related to visual.
The thing is, if I have something to worry about and have anxiety symptoms then I can understand that, it's just the times I get it without having any problems (which is pretty much everyday)
Symptoms / Where
Some of the below may look like typical cases of anxiety, which has led me here. But most happen for no good reason.
Symtoms without explanation
[Common daily] Dizziness (can be when turning around, sometimes I have to stop for a second to stabilise) / Happens everywhere without reason, really badly in supermarkets, big streets) - I hate this one. I'm more than happy about to get a tasty piece of chicken or sandwich from the shop, I have nothing to worry about. Maybe it's large buildings? or could be the lighting inside. My section below "What I have been doing to help myself" explains my semi-fixes.
[Common daily] Feeling disconnected (3rd person etc) / Happens mainly outside. Happens in conjunction with dizziness and for no apparent reason. This could last for days, weeks and for the times I feel myself, it feels amazing.
[Uncommon] unexplained fear feeling? I guess, I don't even know what it is, but it feels just awful - it's not as regular as it used to be, maybe because I've grown up with this so my mind knows that it's nothing bad, so it isn't as regular. However, it needs to be listed here because it's one of the horrible feelings. I could well be a full blown-panic attack, but again without being diagnosed it's pretty hard to answer. Again, this would happen without any reason to worry, or in a situation to worry. Just happens. I'm not even sure if the feeling is fear, might just be a buzz word.
[Common] Confusion / Slow to respond - This happens when other symptoms are happening but if I'm trying to focus on being "fine" I'll find it hard sometimes to find words or react to things.
[Common] Jolting - this is something which happens on the streets / sometimes driving but not too often behind the wheel. It looks almost like a tick, something like tourettes where I would just jolt forwards. My own explanation led me to believe that I had too much adrenaline and it was behind forced out. The jolting has become less frequent recently.
My heart rate, with worry of course increases but this has never been a big thing for me. Sometimes, my heart rate would be fine with the symptoms so this made me feel a bit strange.
[Common] Being around crowds - again I've done stage work, I don't really care about being around crowds or talking on stage, at least in my conscious mind, but walking through streets around people, at events can make me feel really disconnected and uncomfortable. Not sure why. There are times when I'm walking in shopping centres where i'll just have to sit down and try to zone myself away.
Visual Symptoms
[Common daily] Fuzzyness with vision constantly (researched as visual snow) however, I'm not sure if it's a symptom - it just exists, I'm not fond of it. It sometimes makes it hard to see shapes, edges of peoples faces (objects etc). This could be completely normal, and how a normal eyes work but for some reason it's something I've focused on for years. I see it a lot when the room is darker. Sometimes, my vision even fills in with a bright light when it's a dark room too. I'm wondering if this is migraine related without pain.
[Common daily] Tunnel Vision - Due to my Aura migrane, anything which I feel that I can't see anymore freaks me out. Tunnel vision, focusing on a pin-point makes the surrounding of my vision blur out but this isn't nice. / Happens anywhere, mainly when I'm trying to focus on something when having my symptoms.
[Common daily] Light sensitivity, the outside lights feel very bright to me - but this could be my own fault for one of my things I do to help myself.
[Common daily] Blind spots, away from my Aura migraine, now and again i'll get some strange circular small flashes of light which will turn into blind spots. I'll blink and can see them but they're again something uncomfortable. I'll also get white streaks of light, kinda like floaters in the eye which leave small marks.
I really hate having light residue (looking at lights and looking away to see a small area) is this something people here have in common? If I look at a bright light without knowing it, then look at something else and can see the remains this really makes me uncomfortable. If I for example look at light then look at someones face, and I can't see it - I relate this to aura migraines and again makes me uncomfortable. This could all be normal.
Basically, I want to believe that human vision is perfect, but I keep getting these imperfections or strange lights, blind spots, small flashes, auras, visual snow, strange effects when it's dark in the room.
What have I been doing to help myself
I've only really done a couple of things to help myself. The biggest one was to wear sunglasses. Wearing them outside, in supermarkets has helped a lot. Maybe just a mental connection to them that I feel good, but it was certainly something which made me feel better. They recently broke, so I've been trying to live without them. Wearing shades, I feel has made me more light sensitive.
Knowing that I've had it for such a long time now also helps me. It works in a loop cycle, i'll get worse then get better - but it never goes away.
Drinking does make me feel a little better, of course this can't be a long term fix.
I've decided not to have tablets at this time, it's a mental issue and surely I can fix it with my mind.
I play games daily, this makes my mind focus on something different. This was my old way of escaping whatever was happening years ago.
----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for reading, it's taken years for me to decide to post.
Let me know if you have any of this, I know most of it sounds "typical" but it's just crazy that I have this everyday without fail. I've been trying to just carry on and think nothing of it, but when the physical effects are present it's hard to ignore.
I'm going to format this post in an easy to read manner, since this is something in my life which has become a major daily problem, still being properly undiagnosed (maybe due to my ignorance trying to live a normal life). It's taken me a long time to decide to actually post something.
I currently have, no idea what I have - I've convinced myself it's anxiety since I've had it for such a long time without any real major issues (in terms of health) but find it hard to call it anxiety since, it happens at moments I don't really need to worry about anything. I'll explain all of this. The overall message is, day-to-day I don't ever really feel normal. There are brief moments i'll feel fine, sometimes when I'm really zoned into my work it's fine too.
How often do I have symptoms
I have my symptoms daily since I was about 16-17 (now 27)
Am I worried?
Technically speaking, my personality is a worrier (probably inherited from my Mother) - however, I'm a strong person in which I'll go about my daily life without any issues. I've worked in PR, travelled around the world and my daily work means I talk to hundreds/thousands of people through an online website (called Twitch). This is why I'm getting confused that I'm getting symptoms in situations i'm completely fine in, or feel I have no reason to have any anxiety issues.
Do I have any known triggers?
My main "worrier" symptoms is health, but mainly my eyes. If I have any visual disturbances, this is something which I know spins me into having anxiety style symptoms. Anything which remotely looks or feels strange with my vision is a no-go for my mind.
I also have Aura Migraines a couple of times a year, which could be the origin behind my visual issues. It's an uncomfortable, yet harmless visual disturbance which essentially makes a person unable to see in an eye.
I'll be listing in my symptoms what I see / get related to visual.
The thing is, if I have something to worry about and have anxiety symptoms then I can understand that, it's just the times I get it without having any problems (which is pretty much everyday)
Symptoms / Where
Some of the below may look like typical cases of anxiety, which has led me here. But most happen for no good reason.
Symtoms without explanation
[Common daily] Dizziness (can be when turning around, sometimes I have to stop for a second to stabilise) / Happens everywhere without reason, really badly in supermarkets, big streets) - I hate this one. I'm more than happy about to get a tasty piece of chicken or sandwich from the shop, I have nothing to worry about. Maybe it's large buildings? or could be the lighting inside. My section below "What I have been doing to help myself" explains my semi-fixes.
[Common daily] Feeling disconnected (3rd person etc) / Happens mainly outside. Happens in conjunction with dizziness and for no apparent reason. This could last for days, weeks and for the times I feel myself, it feels amazing.
[Uncommon] unexplained fear feeling? I guess, I don't even know what it is, but it feels just awful - it's not as regular as it used to be, maybe because I've grown up with this so my mind knows that it's nothing bad, so it isn't as regular. However, it needs to be listed here because it's one of the horrible feelings. I could well be a full blown-panic attack, but again without being diagnosed it's pretty hard to answer. Again, this would happen without any reason to worry, or in a situation to worry. Just happens. I'm not even sure if the feeling is fear, might just be a buzz word.
[Common] Confusion / Slow to respond - This happens when other symptoms are happening but if I'm trying to focus on being "fine" I'll find it hard sometimes to find words or react to things.
[Common] Jolting - this is something which happens on the streets / sometimes driving but not too often behind the wheel. It looks almost like a tick, something like tourettes where I would just jolt forwards. My own explanation led me to believe that I had too much adrenaline and it was behind forced out. The jolting has become less frequent recently.
My heart rate, with worry of course increases but this has never been a big thing for me. Sometimes, my heart rate would be fine with the symptoms so this made me feel a bit strange.
[Common] Being around crowds - again I've done stage work, I don't really care about being around crowds or talking on stage, at least in my conscious mind, but walking through streets around people, at events can make me feel really disconnected and uncomfortable. Not sure why. There are times when I'm walking in shopping centres where i'll just have to sit down and try to zone myself away.
Visual Symptoms
[Common daily] Fuzzyness with vision constantly (researched as visual snow) however, I'm not sure if it's a symptom - it just exists, I'm not fond of it. It sometimes makes it hard to see shapes, edges of peoples faces (objects etc). This could be completely normal, and how a normal eyes work but for some reason it's something I've focused on for years. I see it a lot when the room is darker. Sometimes, my vision even fills in with a bright light when it's a dark room too. I'm wondering if this is migraine related without pain.
[Common daily] Tunnel Vision - Due to my Aura migrane, anything which I feel that I can't see anymore freaks me out. Tunnel vision, focusing on a pin-point makes the surrounding of my vision blur out but this isn't nice. / Happens anywhere, mainly when I'm trying to focus on something when having my symptoms.
[Common daily] Light sensitivity, the outside lights feel very bright to me - but this could be my own fault for one of my things I do to help myself.
[Common daily] Blind spots, away from my Aura migraine, now and again i'll get some strange circular small flashes of light which will turn into blind spots. I'll blink and can see them but they're again something uncomfortable. I'll also get white streaks of light, kinda like floaters in the eye which leave small marks.
I really hate having light residue (looking at lights and looking away to see a small area) is this something people here have in common? If I look at a bright light without knowing it, then look at something else and can see the remains this really makes me uncomfortable. If I for example look at light then look at someones face, and I can't see it - I relate this to aura migraines and again makes me uncomfortable. This could all be normal.
Basically, I want to believe that human vision is perfect, but I keep getting these imperfections or strange lights, blind spots, small flashes, auras, visual snow, strange effects when it's dark in the room.
What have I been doing to help myself
I've only really done a couple of things to help myself. The biggest one was to wear sunglasses. Wearing them outside, in supermarkets has helped a lot. Maybe just a mental connection to them that I feel good, but it was certainly something which made me feel better. They recently broke, so I've been trying to live without them. Wearing shades, I feel has made me more light sensitive.
Knowing that I've had it for such a long time now also helps me. It works in a loop cycle, i'll get worse then get better - but it never goes away.
Drinking does make me feel a little better, of course this can't be a long term fix.
I've decided not to have tablets at this time, it's a mental issue and surely I can fix it with my mind.
I play games daily, this makes my mind focus on something different. This was my old way of escaping whatever was happening years ago.
----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for reading, it's taken years for me to decide to post.
Let me know if you have any of this, I know most of it sounds "typical" but it's just crazy that I have this everyday without fail. I've been trying to just carry on and think nothing of it, but when the physical effects are present it's hard to ignore.