View Full Version : scared my friend could've given me herpes, freaking out
so yesterday i was with my friend who gets cold sores and she was complaining of one. without asking, she used her fork to grab a piece of my food. i isolated the area that touched her fork and ate from the rest of it, but now i am obsessing about the fact that im going to develop cold sores, and i can't think about anything else.
I need some help with rational thinking rn. I've tried to tell myself the chances of getting it from this are low, but the reality is a ton of people get cold sores so they are very easy to get.
Did you have a make out session? No? No chance..
Positive thoughts
Nope, but her fork was in my food. I did I THINK isolate the piece near where she touched but she did have an active cold sore. Compared to my lymphoma fear, this isn't bad and the worst case isn't that bad, but it would be inconvenient and stressful to get cold sores
My partner gets cold sores, we have lived together for years, I do not get cold sores despite numerous crops. It's time to think rationally about the likelihood which is nill. Stay cool.
Worry of you want but I certainly wouldn't. Like you said, even if you ended up getting HSV1 under any circumstance (this one is just WAY to far fetched), it's not the end of the world. In fact, you'd be joining about 75% of the population!
Positive thoughts
thanks, as my doctor says about STDs, "everyone gets them, we deal with it". I know this was an especially far fetched one but my friend was making a huge deal out of her cold sore all day so it worked me up
---------- Post added at 20:37 ---------- Previous post was at 18:43 ----------
Another question: I recently was intimate with a guy I've started dating. We spoke about our histories and he assured me he was clean. I let him give me oral sex and now am worried about if he has herpes and had viral shedding and could've given me gentian herpes
Ok Young Lady....
You know I have a daughter your age. She suffers from anxiety and depression.
WARNING: Dad talk coming!
:WTF: are you doing indulging in your passions on the word of someone you basically just met??? (garnered from your post) Why, in light of your fear du jour, would you indulge?
Let me tell you something. There's something to be said about dating and getting to know each other before just jumping into intimacy (I told you this is a Dad talk... even if you didn't jump into intimacy a Dad would say this!). In today's world, these types of things (STDs) are real and you have to be aware of it.
I've had HSV (herpes) since I was 19 years old. Caught it from my first real girlfriend and we had been together for a while! (like years! ~lol~). Turns out that how I discovered she was cheating and the relationship ended. Back then it wasn't widely known as it is today so you can imagine the adjustment that made on my mental state and social life! So... since that time, whenever I would be in a relationship situation that was looking like intimacy would be involved. I would have the "talk". And, I would do so before things got hot and heavy. So the "talk"... It's really fun stuff let me tell you :glare:.... You put your ass on the line and it's a 50-50 chance for acceptance or denial. I'll tell you this much, it certainly thickens your skin! That being said, I had more acceptance and found out a lot more people had it too!
So... what I'm saying is this... and this comes from experience... If you go out with a guy and you can see yourself getting intimate, bring up the subject of STDs and testing. Even knowing you don't have one, it can be approached as something you'll do together. You'll find out and experience something quite valuable. First off, by him being open to testing, it will either confirms he has feelings for you and if he refuses you know exactly what to do. Secondly, it establishes trust and doing it together makes you closer. Thirdly and most importantly, that trust you gain gives you a solid foundation upon which to grow on.
You may be young, but if you're old enough to do adult things, you're old enough to act responsibly and you're old enough to take responsibility for your actions.
Ok... Stepping off the "Dad" soapbox.
Positive thoughts
Thanks I know it was so so so dumb! But we discussed sexual history and such before intimacy so it's not like I just went into it. He appreciated me opening up the discussion so I figured since we had it hopefully he was truthful. From now on I will only do it with boyfriends but tbh I just got out of a relationship and wanted to date someone and feel normal.
ScaredLizard
16-05-17, 02:15
You know what? Don't let ANYONE make you feel bad about having sexual encounters if you are an adult then you have them if you wish. You discussed your history and that's what you have to do.
However next time practice safe sex. Even if the guy claims he's clean wrap the willy.
You need to stop the herpes worries. It seems like that's what your brain is focused on but even if you do get a cold sore from your friend so what? My mom has gotten them off and on for 33 years. You are a young healthy adult. You are fine :)
You know what? Don't let ANYONE....
As I'm the only responder except for a couple more, I have to assume, based on those responses, that "ANYONE" is me and I stand by what I said because it's damn good advice in today's world. Having a fear of STDs and getting into intimate encounters without discussing it and/or getting tested is like having a fear of cancer and smoking. I see both things on this forum and both come down to taking personal responsibility for your own safety and health. If you fear these things, you don't intentionally expose yourself to it... And it's not something exposure therapy would be good for either! ;) I have a fear of bees and you won't see me sticking my hand in a nest I assure you! (Still on the Dad pedestal I'm afraid).
Positive thoughts
ScaredLizard
16-05-17, 03:16
As I'm the only responder except for a couple more, I have to assume, based on those responses, that "ANYONE" is me and I stand by what I said because it's damn good advice in today's world. Having a fear of STDs and getting into intimate encounters without discussing it and/or getting tested is like having a fear of cancer and smoking. I see both things on this forum and both come down to taking personal responsibility for your own safety and health. If you fear these things, you don't intentionally expose yourself to it... And it's not something exposure therapy would be good for either! ;) I have a fear of bees and you won't see me sticking my hand in a nest I assure you! (Still on the Dad pedestal I'm afraid).
Positive thoughts
No I wasn't talking about you at all. I didn't even read what you had said honestly because it started out pretty condescending with Young Lady....and I tuned stuff out after that.
But sex is human nature. And the OP sounds scared like she's beating herself up about it. So I'm telling her not to let anyone including HERSELF convince herself she's done something shameful or bad. That's not going to help anyone including the OP
MyNameIsTerry
16-05-17, 03:40
Romance is getting so complicated these days:
Intimate table for two. Check.
Flowers. Check.
Complete sexual history with signatures by the other party, their mum, their granny, parish priest, family lawyer & doctor. Er...
:biggrin:
No I wasn't talking about you at all. I didn't even read what you had said honestly because it started out pretty condescending with Young Lady....and I tuned stuff out after that.
What you feel is condescending is my real life personal experience. I learned the hard way and it sucked! Imagine finding out about a disease you never heard of and it wasn't curable and at a time when little was known nor was there support (70's). I was a kid and it f'd me up! If condescending or my real life personal experience ends up preventing something that could cause harm physically and mentally then condescending or my real life personal experience it is.
I agree, it's done so don't beat yourself up. Get tested if a test will quell the anxiety BUT... let it be a lesson.
Positive thoughts
I understand both sides and thanks for the insight. For now I'm going to try to trust that I don't have anything to worry about. At the same time I'm going to work on my anxiety and be slower to intimacy because I think that's what I need
ScaredLizard
16-05-17, 04:55
What you feel is condescending is my real life personal experience. I learned the hard way and it sucked! Imagine finding out about a disease you never heard of and it wasn't curable and at a time when little was known nor was there support (70's). I was a kid and it f'd me up! If condescending or my real life personal experience ends up preventing something that could cause harm physically and mentally then condescending or my real life personal experience it is.
I agree, it's done so don't beat yourself up. Get tested if a test will quell the anxiety BUT... let it be a lesson.
Positive thoughts
The condescending doesn't come from your life experience. It comes from how you talked to this poster. You yourself acknowledged you were on a dad soap box. I went back to read your post.
Anyway I'm not going to do this anymore the back and forth.
Good luck op! :hugs:
Shine on Fishman... don't let anyone put you in a box.
People in general get butt hurt if you don't tell them what they want to hear, in the tone they want to hear it in.
Your response came from a place of wanting to help.. the majority of us here know that full and well.
Thank you everyone from the advice it is all appreciated. Except for saying "why have sex if you're going to be anxious?" That's not a healthy attitude I feel, but correct me if I'm wrong.
MyNameIsTerry
16-05-17, 13:55
Thank you everyone from the advice it is all appreciated. Except for saying "why have sex if you're going to be anxious?" That's not a healthy attitude I feel, but correct me if I'm wrong.
No, you're right. It's avoidance.
The reason? Because avoiding bears is normal because we are expected to be afraid of bears. It's a rational fear.
Avoiding normal things that shouldn't be scary is irrational therefore it becomes avoidance. Any therapist (or Claire Weekes) will tell you this only reinforces anxiety because you are giving it importance.
With irrational fears you create adaptive behaviours, not avoidance.
So what should I do going forward? I realize I might have gotten it from this time so I guess I'll have to talk to future partners about it or whatever
So what should I do going forward? I realize I might have gotten it from this time so I guess I'll have to talk to future partners about it or whatever
OK... realty... is there a possibility? Sure... there's a possibility. There's a possibility I could fall off a roof or get in a car accident but the chances are slim at best. A one time encounter with someone who claims to be clean fit's into the slim to none category. Heck, even a one time encounter with someone infected is a slim to none chance unless they were actively having an outbreak. Unless he's a total scumbag, why would he lie to you about that?
Future? Get tested if you're that concerned. Then you'll have a written record.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
16-05-17, 16:32
So what should I do going forward? I realize I might have gotten it from this time so I guess I'll have to talk to future partners about it or whatever
Why have you got it this time? What evidence do you have for that?
Testing is just feeding the cycle. If there is no evidence now you won't have any next time. If you want to test to draw a line here and not test again, there is an argument for that as a practical thing to do but not as a reassurance as that's just feeding it and soon after that test the anxiety will push again.
Going forward what can anyone do except take any sensible precautions?
Well it is technically too soon to get tested, if I was going to have an outbreak I would probably have one in the next few days from this interaction.It's a matter of wait and see, plus trying to trust my partner regarding his STD status
MyNameIsTerry
16-05-17, 16:39
Trust works both ways so he has no idea who has been truthful or not either. But is he worrying like this?
The issue here is the anxiety itself latching onto "what ifs".
I wouldn't worry. I got cold sores from my boyfriend in high school. That was over 20 years ago, and have never gotten another one.
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snowghost57
17-05-17, 00:06
I have no advice as Fish and Lizard pretty much said it all. Great responses!
Hey all: my anxiety is still pretty high because if I'm going to get an outbreak it would be now, it's now been five/six days since the interaction. I have messed it up by messaging the guy twice more asking if he's sure he was tested and he keeps saying he is fine and doesn't know how else to reassure me, but I'm still paranoid. I'm trying to tell myself even in the small chance he has hsv the chances of him transmitting it to me in a one time encounter with no symptoms for years is slim
Very slim!!! Practically zero!
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just wanted to update everyone: its now been 10/11 days since the encounter which is supposedly a bit past the time symptoms would show up. so i am hoping i didn't get it, and im going to be super careful in the future in my interactions. unfortunately, this has gotten me in the habit of inspecting "down there" and i check probably every hour, and keep thinking i've found the herpes. so it's still pretty stressful
Glad you're likely in the clear! You would definitely see signs at this point. Also, I know what you mean about checking the AREA. I went through doing that, and irritated myself to the point of CAUSING red bumps...so....hahaha
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