UNLEARNING BAD HABITS

[Lottie32]

I thought that I would just share this with you. As you know I am feeling totally 500% better than I was just over a year ago when I joined this website in desperation.

I've posted a success story, and I've had some great replies. However, I'd just like to share the fact that it isn't actually that easy, and although i'm better, i have to work at being better!

As you may have gathered TGTBT is a bit of a Sport Billy, and at one point I used to be very similar in my outlook and interests. However, years of anxiety, panic and IBS made it difficult for me to do even simple things, like go for a bike ride (even if as I now recognise, most of it was in my head).

The other week we went on an eight mile round tour of Carsington Water, the first time I'd ridden a bike in a million years, or been and done any sort of outside adventure where I was away from civilisation (car to escape, toilet, shop etc etc).

I persevered, and had a great time.

Yesterday we had arranged another ride out. TGTBT arrived at two, and after 45 minutes sorting out the bike I was supposed to be borrowing, we set off.

I'd had a bad tum/head day that morning, and was paranoid that I'd be "ill". Not for any reason, but just because I always used to think that I would. Basically I had learnt that doing something like that would result in "illness" and I "couldn't do it".

Although I so much better, yesterday I had to really work hard. I compromised, and made sure that we "zig zagged" round our house, so that at any point if I wanted to I could go home, even if TGTBT wanted to carry on for the exercise.

Well this morning, I wish I had been "ill" and not perfectly ok, and enjoying myself, as the "lets just go a bit further" route I had mentally mapped out turned out to be a 18.9 mile round trip!

I can't walk, but I'm well chuffed I persevered.

(I did have to cheat - I used my Rescue Remedy, which is a bit of a bad thing, cos I've not used it in so long, I had to spend ten minutes finding it!!!!!!)

Basically, what I am trying to say is that a lot of my "ill" is in my head. I HAVE on occassion been ill, but I now expect it to happen. Therefore, unless I work hard it does. Having good friends like TGTBT can make all the difference. I can chill out totally with him, and forget about being on edge.

Anyway, we went to the book shop this morning, and we've bought a couple of maps and another mountain biking around the Peak District book. So I shall have to do it all over again soon!!!!

Which I'm looking forward to.

Hope everybody is doing well

Lots of love, (and keep battling throught the bad days - it does in general get easier).

Charlie xxxx

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[seh1980]

hey Charlie,

Well done for managing the long bike ride!! I bought a bike a couple of months ago but still haven't managed to use it much-soon I hope! You have been so brave!!

Sarah :D

[Karen]

Hi Charlie

Well done for doing the bike ride. It is good to hear such a positive story.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Meg]

Nice one Charlie

Good to see you continuing to do so well

Love

Meg

[davebrum]

great one charlie
your trip out has been inspirational to me and im sure it will be to others on the site. so you had to take some rescue remedy like - im sure its only the same as putting on a safety helmet/hat or shin pads etc if it helps keep you safe in mind and body go for it i say.
xx david

[Lottie32]

Thanks guys

I was really trying to say that us who are "better" still suffer from "bad days" too.

When I first joined, I used to read the success stories and think well it's ok for your, you've been better for a long time.

Whilst I'm incredibly impressed with my progress, I want everbody to know that they can do it, I also understand that just once in a while it's ok to have a bad minute/hour/day/week.

I've been so used to being so ill for so long, I've got a long road ahead to re-condition my brain not to think such d**k head thoughts, particularly when I want to do something.

Sarah I don't recommend a long bike ride - particularly after all those years of stagnation (for me that is).

At the minute I'm baby sitting for Rach, and her wooden floors are murder to walk on, although her marble kitchen work tops are wonderfully cooling to sit on!!!!!

I'm currently working out the next route. At the minute, I'm still a bit dubious about things like this, so we are playing it safe and TGTBT is more than happy that each route features several local public conveninces, hostelries and coffee shops - just in case.

I know it's not text book CBT behaviour, but I firmly believe that doing it with safety nets is better than not doing it at all. And eventually my brain will kick in that GOING OUT AND HAVING FUN is not scarey, and I can do it without the wobbles.

(Although this week my brain was right. On the last leg of our journey, I thought about how many miles I had done without falling off, then promptly skidded 30 foot down the road, missing a car, gutter, wall and TGTBT in the process. Once TGTBT had finished peeing himself laughing, he commended me on how on earth I had controlled my skid and NOT fallen off.

(I got my own back by making him watch the slow motion highlights of Cisse breaking his leg - he is terribly squeamish like that, and as I said, I can't fall off, cos he wouldn't know how to work my first aid kit - be prepared and all that! Mind you he thought the wet wipes were overkill until his chain fell off three times and he had to use them to get rid of all the oil!)

Thanks guys

Remember little steps and often, and soon you too will be able to go on twenty mile bike rides. Of course, once you have achieved this feat you will not be able to walk the next day - little steps or other!

Love Charlie x

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.