Liquid
17-05-17, 00:33
I've had this issue on and off for about a year or so now, but it's come to a peak. It's anxiety over anxiety and my thoughts are constantly analyzing the way I feel and it drives me insane. It feels like whenever my mind is idle, my mind just spins in a circle about the anxiety, the way I feel and how I don't know how to change this or how to fix the thoughts.
I'm losing hope because it's becoming increasingly difficult to focus or concentrate on anything else that usually takes my mind off of it. And I've also depression setting in that makes me feel very uninterested in things that I usually enjoy, which makes it even more difficult to concentrate or become invested in anything else.
It just feels like something is broken in my brain, because I cannot seem to stop this worrying cycle. I've tried fighting the thoughts, reassuring myself, challenging the thoughts and also simply being alright with them being present, but it always eventually beats me in mental fortitude.
I'm to the point now that I feel like I will never be able to rid myself of this anxiety and the constant thoughts about it. I have anxiety over the fact that I have anxiety over my thoughts, it's a disgusting loop. I think this lack of hope has also contributed heavily to my ability to manage the stress over this.
I don't want to take medication for this issue, I would rather beat this on my own somehow, as I have a severe phobia of taking medications and simply don't enjoy the way they make me feel.
My Psychologist is pretty worthless. I've discussed these issues with her and she never has much to say to me other than "We need to start on a treatment plan, sound good to you?" Which always boils down to her telling me to do deep breathing and not much else. She hasn't in anyway discussed with me why my brain is doing what its doing or how the anxiety is impacting me, how to assess or treat it, etc. I feel like a quota.
I'm losing hope because it's becoming increasingly difficult to focus or concentrate on anything else that usually takes my mind off of it. And I've also depression setting in that makes me feel very uninterested in things that I usually enjoy, which makes it even more difficult to concentrate or become invested in anything else.
It just feels like something is broken in my brain, because I cannot seem to stop this worrying cycle. I've tried fighting the thoughts, reassuring myself, challenging the thoughts and also simply being alright with them being present, but it always eventually beats me in mental fortitude.
I'm to the point now that I feel like I will never be able to rid myself of this anxiety and the constant thoughts about it. I have anxiety over the fact that I have anxiety over my thoughts, it's a disgusting loop. I think this lack of hope has also contributed heavily to my ability to manage the stress over this.
I don't want to take medication for this issue, I would rather beat this on my own somehow, as I have a severe phobia of taking medications and simply don't enjoy the way they make me feel.
My Psychologist is pretty worthless. I've discussed these issues with her and she never has much to say to me other than "We need to start on a treatment plan, sound good to you?" Which always boils down to her telling me to do deep breathing and not much else. She hasn't in anyway discussed with me why my brain is doing what its doing or how the anxiety is impacting me, how to assess or treat it, etc. I feel like a quota.