lior
17-05-17, 17:19
Hey all
Today I've been very teary - cried in both meetings I've had, plus after both, a bit of sobbing.
I know why.
1) Let myself feel grief for not having the kind of mother that's emotionally supportive.
2) Feel pressure to make the right decisions in the small business I run. I'm going into new territory and doing things I'm a beginner at, and I really feel the lack of daily emotional support.
I don't live with emotionally supportive people, and right now I need little daily check ins. I don't have family members that can do this for me, and I don't want to ask too much from my friends. They're already being supportive.
I met with someone today that enthusiastically wants to be my mentor and I'm so flattered because he's awesome. I cried during our first meeting today because I really care about making the right decisions for the business I run and I'm struggling with being assertive with one of my team that's taking the mick a bit.
The CEO of the consultancy I used to work for specifically spent time with me to resolve a rare issue that we'd had. I started crying because of leftover emotion from earlier. I'd felt accused by things he'd said that he tried to brush off as if it was nothing. I had been agonising over it in the past but I do see that they are keen to resolve it. I don't particularly want to see him right now again but he wants to meet for lunch to make sure it's ok. He was saying things like 'I hope you're not overloading yourself with work' and I'm worried that I am. I have to have a lot of rest days because of my slow recovery from glandular fever. Today has been too much emotion.
Last night I was confronting stuff about my mother and my past and it's put me in a sodden emotional space. I can't handle anything without tears today.
What business founders can only work three days a week because they have debilitating health problems?! I'm worried that I'm not cut out for all of this, that I won't get the money to make this festival happen, that I'm not being a good enough leader, that I'm not assertive enough and healed enough from my childhood traumas to not pass on my shit to people around me. What am I doing? ! It's unbearably scary, this responsibility.
When people are nice to me, it just makes me cry more. Why does this happen?
It's not normal to be crying this much in one day - but I suppose this is part of the healing process. Grieving for the kind of mother I won't ever have.
Any words of wisdom or comfort out there?
Today I've been very teary - cried in both meetings I've had, plus after both, a bit of sobbing.
I know why.
1) Let myself feel grief for not having the kind of mother that's emotionally supportive.
2) Feel pressure to make the right decisions in the small business I run. I'm going into new territory and doing things I'm a beginner at, and I really feel the lack of daily emotional support.
I don't live with emotionally supportive people, and right now I need little daily check ins. I don't have family members that can do this for me, and I don't want to ask too much from my friends. They're already being supportive.
I met with someone today that enthusiastically wants to be my mentor and I'm so flattered because he's awesome. I cried during our first meeting today because I really care about making the right decisions for the business I run and I'm struggling with being assertive with one of my team that's taking the mick a bit.
The CEO of the consultancy I used to work for specifically spent time with me to resolve a rare issue that we'd had. I started crying because of leftover emotion from earlier. I'd felt accused by things he'd said that he tried to brush off as if it was nothing. I had been agonising over it in the past but I do see that they are keen to resolve it. I don't particularly want to see him right now again but he wants to meet for lunch to make sure it's ok. He was saying things like 'I hope you're not overloading yourself with work' and I'm worried that I am. I have to have a lot of rest days because of my slow recovery from glandular fever. Today has been too much emotion.
Last night I was confronting stuff about my mother and my past and it's put me in a sodden emotional space. I can't handle anything without tears today.
What business founders can only work three days a week because they have debilitating health problems?! I'm worried that I'm not cut out for all of this, that I won't get the money to make this festival happen, that I'm not being a good enough leader, that I'm not assertive enough and healed enough from my childhood traumas to not pass on my shit to people around me. What am I doing? ! It's unbearably scary, this responsibility.
When people are nice to me, it just makes me cry more. Why does this happen?
It's not normal to be crying this much in one day - but I suppose this is part of the healing process. Grieving for the kind of mother I won't ever have.
Any words of wisdom or comfort out there?