I am still thinking of one

[happyone]

well,
I have had my break and it was good.
I came in here and 'lurked' but I didn't post until today. (well, I did do some pm's)
I am seriously thinking about my future on here folks. I wish I could just come in to support other people, but the nature of my depression, finds me on a regular basis having a few down days. It is all too easy to post on here and look for reassurance, but I think possibly my posting here (for myself) has the effect of me allowing myself to be swamped by the negativity I feel. While it is wonderful to be able to seek and find reassurance almost 24/7, it doesn't help me find a way out of it myself. Combined with all of this, I feel a phoney as my anx is as a result of depression and when I am not depressed, I am actually a fairly confident person.
I have had a few glasses of vino just now but even in sobriety, I feel I need to move on (please note no sp's, thus I am not too tipsy!). I am not saying I will be able to immediately, as this place has been such a life line for me. I have been taken aback at pm's, asking where I am and I have never wanted to cause alarm.
The long and short of of it is. I am hoping to move on to become an occassional poster. I am hoping not to have to create many, or any, threads of my own. I do realise that it might, or might not take a while.
SO........if I plan to disappear, I will let people know. I may in a few days time (actually.....@ 9th-10th may is when i am "due" my next dip!) dismiss everything I have written here and write a new thread!!! However, if any of you answer, you can say "Is this part of the cycle? If it is, it will be over in a few days!"
Whether I manage to stick to becoming an occassional poster or not, thank you to Nic and Alex and all the admins and all the posters and readers for creating, upkeeping, reassuring, being, understanding, listening, reading, helping, challenging, recommending, befriending, trusting, bearing etc this site and me.

happyone
xxx

[nomorepanic]

Good luck and you have to do what is right for you.

We will always be here

Take care
xx

[jo61]

Hi Happyone, I can totally relate to what you're saying. I have become an occasional poster myself as I was finding myself drawn to the computer every time I came in the room and felt it was counterproductive. I have the greatest respect for this site and those who run it. I don't plan to leave but like yourself will limit myself a bit. I like to think I can gain from others' experience and maybe from time to time put something back.

Take care

Jo xx

[Jimbo]

I will miss you Happyone, make sure you don't become too 'occasional'.
:winks:

But do what is right for you.

Jim x x x

[honeybee3939]

Hi Happyone

You will be missed but you have to do what you think is right for you hun, hope what ever you decide you will stay in touch.

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[Quirky]

Hi mate,

I think you're being very brave and sensible in taking this decision and whatever you decide I hope it works for you.

We're always here anytime you want to pop in anyway, whether it's once a day or once every few months :hugs:

Do keep in touch and let us know how you're going if you can though.

Lisa x

[Karen]

Hi Happyone

I'm glad you are ok and when it comes down to it you need to do what is best for you. We will always be here so you know where to find us.

Thinking of you and I wish you all the best whatever you decide :hugs:

Karen xx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi,

I think of how far you have come to be writing this and what progress this means. Of course I am also sad because I used to love to read your thread even if I didn't always post, guess I was a lurker too. :ohmy: I hope we keep in touch and if you ever do get down or troubled or just need someone to talk to you know where I am and where this site is. I think knowing that NMP is always available is a comfort but also knowing you can walk away on 2 steady feet means it has done it's job.

Hugs and blessings to you,

Laura :flowers:

[happyone]

Thanks folks.

I have no intention of leaving as such. I just want to feel less addicted. Yet since writing this thread, I realise that has been more to it than me seeking reassurance and addiction. I have met (in a cyber fashion) some wonderful people, kind and genuine. I have been coming in and feeling unable to post because I think I 'shouldn't'

All of this comes from doubts placed in my mind, with the help of my counsellor. I don't think that was her intention, but me being me took 2 and 2 and made it add up to 5. I strangely felt under pressure to be able to tell her that I wasn't using the site anymore. I felt somehow 'weak' for using this site but on reflecting, I realise it is more than that. It really is a community of sorts. yes, I should be out there trying to socialise more, but I am doing that. when I first started using here, I was hiding myself away in my bedroom for as many hours of the day as I could get away with, I wasn't going out unless I had to, I couldn't answer the telephone, to cut it short, I was a bit of a mess! I am going out, I am doing all the things I should be doing. Yeah, maybe I don't have the busiest social life in the world, but what mum of two does? I don't actually 'want' to be out in the evening when they are tucked up in bed. I like being near them to know they are fine. Besides, we take things in small steps don't we? Not huge mammoth ones!

As it is, my counsellor isn't going to be there for me anymore, my GP is leaving and I am on a repeat prescription from shrink! So, I do need (see, I can even say I need something without feeling bad, thats a big step!) support and I think it was a bit premature of me to think I wouldn't!

Laura, I have moved on such a great deal since I joined this site and I am beginning to recognise this. I have sussed out a pattern to my mood swings and am now able to (usually) tell myself 'this will be over in a few days'
I am moving towards going back to work, which is a major stressor but I am dealing with it, as opposed to getting in my car and driving round the country pretending I am someone else!:blush: As part of this moving on, I make decisions and I decide that I 'want' to use this site!

SO, I think that what I am trying to say, is I have given the impression that I am leaving. I didn't mean to. I just want to reassure people that if I am not posting, it probably means I am ok. When I am not ok, me being me, you will all get to hear about it! I don't keep quiet very easily:blush: I will certainly be returning to reply to others.

I have received some really nice pm's recently. They made me realise that people do care, as I do about others. When you haven't seen someones name for a while, you do wonder 'where are they? Are they ok?'

Thanks for bearing with my higgledy piggledy head!

love you all!
happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

Thanks for bearing with my higgledy piggledy head!

You make perfect sense Happyone. :D

You have made such great progress and long may it continue, you are a wonderful person and it's great to see you come so far. :yesyes:

I know what you mean about the guilt about using NMP, I often find myself thinking those exact same thoughts and have come to the same conclusion as you. It's a comunity and there are some great people here who I consider good friends. I also tend to use this site a bit like a diary, more for myself than wanting reassurance. I can look back and see all the bad and good times I've been through and helps me remember where I'm going. :shades: I do like the odd hug too. :blush:

I like to say 'keep fighting' but it's not really about fighting it's about staying on the right path and keeping in the right direction. :yesyes:

Jim :hugs:

[Karen]

Hi Happyone

I, for one, am glad you are sticking around hun :hugs:

We do care for you very much and it does help to have somewhere to come and be with friends who understand.

Karen :flowers:

[groovygranny]

Hi Happyone!

Just thought I'd send you a few hugs!!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Oh, and flowers!

:flowers::flowers::flowers:

[Quirky]

Hi mate,

Glad you're sticking around and I agree you really have made so much progress :flowers:

:hugs:

Lisa x

[Southern_Belle]

Hi HappyOne,

Now the name really fits:yesyes: . Glad you aren't going away for good. :hugs:
You would have been missed.

:hugs: ,

Laura :)

[Under~The~Stars]

Glad you are sticking around mate :)

Lou xxx :hugs:

[happyone]

Cheers peeps!

Happyone
xx

[happyone]

How do you change the title of a post or can it not be done? This one makes no blooming sense!
Happyone

[Quirky]

Lol mate, I did wonder what this title meant.

You can change it by going to the very first post on this thread, just click on edit and then change the title and save the changes.

Lisa x

[Under~The~Stars]

PMSL Happy! I thought I was the only one who was confused by it! :yesyes:

Lou xxx :hugs:

[happyone]

It didn't work!

happyone
xx

[Quirky]

Hmmm well I've just tried it on my post and it can be done. You have to be in the very first post of the thread and then click edit, then click go advanced and then just change the title, then click save changes. I've done this before so know it does work and just tried on mine ok. If it doesn't work for you not sure why as it should.

Lisa x

[happyone]

I have tried that and it doesn't work for me!

Aaagh! it makes no sense!!

[Quirky]

Hmmm dunno them mate as it works for me. Maybe ask one of the admins to change it for you then, or just start a new post lol.

Lisa x

[Paddington]

Hi hun:hugs: glad you are sticking around,it's good to talk aint it!!Love Paddie..you could mean you are thinking of 'one '..as in oneself ,ha ha ha bit like the queen:D :wacko: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[happyone]

Hi paddie!
When I first poste it, what I had meant was, where it asks for title, I was still trying to think of a title! Oh eck!
happyone
xx

[Quirky]

When I first poste it, what I had meant was, where it asks for title, I was still trying to think of a title!


That's what I though you'd done too :)

Lisa x

[Lizzie1975]

((((((((((Happyone)))))))))

Lizzie xxx