Constant symptoms pushing me over edge

[NervUs]

Gah, I just need to let it out.

Since October, I have had constant symptoms. It started with a persistent cough with asthma (I never had asthma before). Steroids fixed it, but it came back later with a cold, steroids fixed it again. I then ended up with crazy lung pain and elevated D-dimer but once CT later and no evidence of a clot (it could have passed on its own). The, I discovered a lump in my toe bone, eventually discovered to be benign. Then, I finally went to a skin check I had been putting off and found out the bump that just seemed like a new skin tag was actually a basal cell carcinoma (inducing a full on skin panic). I've been grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw like mad, and I developed this strange bump on my jaw bone, getting checked on Fri. Then today, I discovered that my nostril collapses when I take a deep breath. It had been feeling clogged and just weird in there for a month or two, and I've had post nasal drip for a long time, but the feeling would come and go, so I guess I just wrote it off. NOw I need to see an ENT, but the worst part of being a hypochondriac (OK not worst but up there) is just not being able to trust your own judgment.

I am spiraling so bad. I've gone through bad bouts of HA before, followed by relative calm. My HA is mostly cancer focused, and I just can't shake the fear that I have cancer, somewhere. Even when they rushed me off to the ER to get the CT for my suspected clot (they called me at work and told me to get to the hospital), my thought process was OMG this is the day I find out I have lung cancer. This thing with my nose, of course, is making me think nasal or sinus cancer. My toe made me think sarcoma. Even the basal cell, I thought melanoma for sure.

THere is no point to this post. I just can't help myself right now. The temptation to take it to the darkest place possible is so strong!!! I am not focusing well at work, my husband is fed up, I am just half-assing it at home and with my kids. NOw, I do have legitimate issues that I need to check out, and this is just prolonging the hell. I am in my 40s, so maybe constant health gunk is just part of life now, but I really can't take it. I have 3 kids ranging in age from 3-12. The pressure to NOT have cancer or drop dead weighs on me so hard. They all need me in their different ways, and just the thought of dropping dead on them is like a stab in the heart. I mean, I don't want to be sick for me either, but I CAN'T be sick because of them. OMG.

[Melonpony]

I am so sorry you're going through this. Thing is, I'm in basically the same boat as you so I can totally relate. I'm almost 42, have 2 kids under 6, and am petrified of leaving them before theyre raised and have kids of their own. Maybe this makes our HA worse? The fear of leaving them?
I felt how you feel today. Horrible headache (that's constant for over a year now) vision and eye worries, weird taste in my mouth, tight chest, etc etc the list goes on. I feel like I'm not able to enjoy life anymore. :/

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[meant2live]

I'm a wife and mother as well and I know the pressure you feel. I've been having some real medical issues lately (seems like one right after another), but these issues also cause my health anxiety to go through the roof.

Recently, I've had a bad cough and wheezing. I've been prescribed asthma medicine for it. Of course, this makes me freak out.
I don't focus well at work either. I'm constantly googling to try to make myself feel better.

The terror of not being able to take care of my daughter because of sickness is scary. I also have worse fears of not always being here for her and my husband.

I don't have a lot of advice, but I try to force myself to take it one day at a time. It's cliche and may not help, but that's all we have at this point. Just know that you're not alone.

As far as the post nasal drip, have you tried a Neti pot or saline rinse?

[NervUs]

Maybe this IS the mom's curse, at least for anxious types!!!!

I hope you both begin to feel better! And about the asthma thing, I have heard of so many people developing bad respiratory issues this year- maybe it's the weird weather this year (at least where I live in the USA it has been a crazy fall, winter, and spring).

I am really hoping I can finish up with doctors appointments soon (without a bad diagnosis), get cleared, and get back to my old self. The ironic thing is, life was going SO well for me lately. Prior to the toe biopsy, I was just thriving and living large and making my old dreams happen.

And now this. CRap!

[meant2live]

NervUs, I feel like we are in the same boat. I had a lot of anxiety over heart issues but, once I got all checked out, I was finally beginning to relax. Then that cold hit me in Feb/Mar and the coughing and wheezing started.

I have heard of soooo many people with terrible band long lasting cough this year. What in the world is going on?

My allergies have never been so bad either!

I hope you feel better soon!

---------- Post added at 21:50 ---------- Previous post was at 21:46 ----------

I'm in Ohio, by the way.

[NervUs]

OH my, me too. Ohio, that is :)

[meant2live]

Then we are suffering through the same crazy weather lol.

[WorrywartAus]

I am here nodding my head. This is me.. I could've written this.
It started with a breast lump 4 weeks after the birth of my 1st. Then I found 2 more lumps in my breasts, a lump on my knee, constant pins and needles n my face snd hands, lump in my throat for months.. it goes on and on. I too have intense HA which comes and goes.

All I can do is offer hugs. I'm right there with you. Xx

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[ktdid2000]

Yup!

I'm a mom of two kiddos - 5 years and 18 months. They drive me nuts but when I find I'm the most stressed/tired/overwhelmed it's THEN that the HA decides to hit me full force, creating one angry upset mom that of course no one knows how to fix or help. :( It gets so bad sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom so I can Google. My mind is never with my kids when it hits, only fixated on the problem. It sucks.

I think the "noise" of our bodies increases with age so it's just sort of one of those things. Doesn't mean our demise is right around the corner! Also I find it's a lot harder to take care of yourself with a family/young kids so you're bound to have more things happen just because of that alone.

I find that when I focus on taking care of myself more some of my symptoms actually go away. Then I just obsess about the ones that remain, lol. (sigh)

[NervUs]

Still freakin', people!

I see the dentist tomorrow and can't get into the ENT until JUne 2. Then, even though I just had a skin check, I've made another one because I am just so uncomfortable with all the spots on my skin. I am getting new, weird stuff all the time- sun spots, little red bumps, I have these weird vessels in my nose and, even though they were checked and derm thinks they are just the way my blood vessels lie, I am still thinking a completely disfiguring BCC (b/c these vessels have been there a long time). YACK! I am also worried about a mole on my son, but we can't get appointments until late June!

I think if I can make it through this doctor appointment season, I can figure out a way to move on. KInda poed it is all taking so long. I could probably get in with another dermatologist sooner, but that one doesn't have a dermascope, which seems important to me for some reason.

Sorry if I'm totally boring you. I just have to let it out somewhere.

[CHELLEB1017]

I am so with you ladies it is not even funny! So little back story for you.. I had a biopsy of a large jaw cyst during my last pregnancy it came back benign luckily but that set my health anxiety off so much that I almost cancelled my baby shower because I thought I would be gone before baby boy came. Also during my pregnancy my Grandmother past away and so did my Great Aunt both of cancers. So needless to say I was a wreck and still am if something flares up! So far I have thought I had breast cancer, skin cancer, blood clots, lymphoma and that is about it but that is sure enough!!! My last flare up was a few weeks ago for 2 lymph nodes in my neck and I had an ultrasound and it stated they were normal non enlarged lymph nodes! I have been really good since then I just literally have to talk myself down when something feels off but it does help! I have wayyyyy more good days then bad so that is a plus! But for sure the most haunting thing for me is leaving my boys behind! I almost think if I didnt have them it wouldnt be so scary granted I would still be scared but thats the thing I am not scared for me I am scared for them! Ugh! I am 35 and from what I know pretty healthy but I do gotta get some of this baby weight off so I am focusing on taking care of my health and rationalizing with my stupid HA thoughts when they come! Best of luck to you ladies HA is NOOOOO fun!

[meant2live]

Today, I made an appointment with the ENT, but they can't get me in until June 13!

Along with the potential asthma, I have this never ending tightness in my throat. I want to get that checked, even though it's probably nothing.

I woke up last night gasping for air. Its happened to me about a handful of times in my life. It freaks me out every time. I'll be bringing it up to the ent.

It feels like it takes forever to get in to see the doctor and then they just blow you off when you do see them. I've been so frustrated.

[NervUs]

OH my God, I cannot win.

This morning, driving to work, I felt a rough patch on my ear lobe. I looked and saw a lot of flaking skin. I was able to rub it off and the skin is now smooth....

but....

Damn! I am panicking.

This is relentless, and I really don't think I can take anything else.

I have a derm appointment tomorrow to get the BCC removed. Hopefully, they will look at the ear, but you never know about billing and such.

HOw are the rest of you today?

I am done with this!