Back again with the cheating fear

[Jessicasmummy]

So these fears have been kept at bay for a long time until last weekend. My husband and myself were at a friends house and we're drinking having a good time. When i woke up the next morning i was fine just a bit hungover then later on in the day i started worrying that i cheated with his friend. I am now back to worrying so much i cant concentrate. This fear has been on and off for years about the same friend as he tried it on with me years ago. The thing that is more upsetting is we are trying to get pregnant and im worried incase i am this month because i know ill worry its this friends baby. Theres photos in my phone from up until we left and then we got home we DTD (sorry tmi) and im thinking if i cheated theres no way id go home and have sex with my husband. But the good ocd had got a hold of me once again

[SLA]

Can you describe a logical way it might have happened without you knowing, and without anyone else finding out?

[Jessicasmummy]

I keep thinking in the bathroom but the bathroom is next to where we were all sitting

[SLA]

If you can think of a coherent way it could happen then you'd have a reason to think about it.

Doesn't seem like you can though, so its just your mind playing tricks.

It likes to do that.

Because deep down you know it didnt happen. Although its nice to worry sometimes. Especially when you get a nice feeling knowing everything is actually ok. :)

[Jessicasmummy]

Any tips on helping my brain think logical would be appreciated

[Bee84]

That's awful to have in your mind and detrimental to your livelihood. Irrationality can get a hold and often needs to be put to a stop. Yes the mind will definitely think absurd thoughts so much that we will believe in them.

So please listen to your intuition and tell yourself the truth. When the thought arises ask, does this thought make sense or is it nonsense? What was the first thing that came to mind that morning before the thoughts in question begun to spiral? Maybe this friend still thinks about you and you're sensitive so you picked up on it?

[meant2live]

If you keep having this cheating fear, maybe you shouldn't be drinking to the point that you don't remember what you did the night before. Anytime you're around this guy, you need to keep your senses sharp as he doesn't sound trustworthy.

[Fishmanpa]

If you keep having this cheating fear, maybe you shouldn't be drinking to the point that you don't remember what you did the night before. Anytime you're around this guy, you need to keep your senses sharp as he doesn't sound trustworthy.

From a year ago...


This isn't a judgement call but laying off the booze sounds like a good idea for you. If you are drinking so much that you are blacking out that's definitely not good.

That was my thought as well as it happened before and it seems like the OP is over compensating for the uncomfortable feeling by drinking too much. In general based on what I've read in the OP's history, laying off the booze is best all around.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Whilst I would agree that cutting down on alcohol, because drinking to blackout is unhealthy, it's not the real issue here. So, be careful in applying a possible avoidance strategy because it won't resolve why you are thinking these irrational thoughts.

You need to find the reason why you believe you could cheat or this other man might take advantage or assault you.

I wonder if your worrying all starts because of intrusive thoughts? If so, I have a feeling why you worry about cheating because intrusive thoughts are the opposite of character and they look for the things that shock us the most and losing a partner due to actions such as this could easily be such a fear. They also tend to find what clashes with our stronger morals, therefore you might have quite strong principled views about monogomy.

[Jessicasmummy]

I would really appreciate if no one has got any nice things to say then to not comment! I know the whole thing is rubbish but it feels really at times. I keep thinking if im pregnant ill worry thats its his even though deep down i know nothing happened and if im not pregnant ill be fine and let it go

[Fishmanpa]

I would really appreciate if no one has got any nice things to say then to not comment! I know the whole thing is rubbish but it feels really at times. I keep thinking if im pregnant ill worry thats its his even though deep down i know nothing happened and if im not pregnant ill be fine and let it go... until the next time...

Please tell us what's not nice about advising you not to drink until you black out? Every time it happens you talk about this fear. Besides, to drink that much is just plain unhealthy. Don't allow it to get to "a next time".

The bolded text is encouraging. It shows you know you're being irrational despite what your brain is telling you. Perhaps it's time to learn how to talk back? (therapy/meds).

Positive thooughts

[meant2live]

I don't think I was being rude to you, OP. I was offering you advice to help with your anxiety. If you are often afraid that you will cheat or have cheated with this guy because you don't remember your actions from the night before, why would you want to cloud your judgment with alcohol?

Based on your story, I think your fears are pretty unfounded.

All I was trying to say in my original post was that this man doesn't seem trustworthy (based on your own words), and it seems like the best way to deal with him is to avoid alcohol in his presence.

Along with all of this, you need to see someone about these thoughts.