I'll never be accepted

[scaredgirl86]

I think I have to accept that I will never be seen as attractive or accepted by anyone. Ive been in therapy since December and I like my therapist and a few weeks ago I thought I got further than I've been with my anxieties but then it stopped. I was really getting excited that I was getting better and going out more then it was ruined. It don't matter how I feel about myself because no one else thinks anything about me. I don't think I'm ugly and it took years after bullying to feel that I'm not ugly but no one else thinks I am. I go out and it's not made up most people look at me and have this look of disgust when they do. I don't feel there is any reason for this to happen i hate especially when it's a couple they make fun of me most. The guy looks at me like I'm ugly and his gf is better and gf looks like she thinks she's better. I feel hatred toward most people. They made me feel this way. I was doing good but it's hard to ignore when your against most people who don't like me I get one look then another how could I ever feel good about myself when all I ever known was rejection and being made fun. It's not right I should be able to go out and enjoy myself not be made fun of everytime it's not right I deserve to be accepted. I have a right to be no one understands he way I'm treated I get laughed at even when I walk with head straight feel good it don't matter it's not me it's them. I think where I live they have bad taste which is why they think I'm ugly im way better than the girls here. I hate everyone and I want to punch people in their faces. I've wasted snacks ugh time because of people and don't want to do it anymore but I don't know what to do I'll never be able to enjoy being out if I'm always being treated like this. I deserve to be respected as a human it's hard to ignore tons of stares dirty looks. What should I do

[snowghost57]

For one thing dear we have all been bullied. In my day I was "picked on" same difference. I fail to understand how you know what people are thinking by the way they look at you. Many people have other thoughts on their mind. I am single and I have been working on going out alone. Even eating at the local restaurant or McDonald's alone terrified me. I was worried what people would think or start at me. Do yourself a favor, go to some place like I mentioned and watch other people, no judgement. When I relaxed and looked around people are so involved in their circle of life that in reality no one was paying attention to me. Get help with your anger and hate issues and I doubt seriously that people are giving you "dirty looks" The mind is a powerful thing, learn to control it, and don't let it control you!

[scaredgirl86]

I might not know what they are thinking but I'm good at reading people's expressions I know it's not good it's a disgusted face or they laugh at me. People talk about when they go out they are smiled at and strangers tell them they are attractive that's not my world I know that I see the world as a negative and it's not my fault. I don't do this to myself they made me this way.

[snowghost57]

Hmmm, I've never had any stranger tell me I'm attractive. People actually laugh out loud at you? Are you absolutely sure about this? I used to be negative as well, it's our own thoughts that trap us in these unrealistic ideas. Everyone is beautiful in there own way, that is what makes us unique. I'm in Virginia, what state are you in?

[scaredgirl86]

My sister works as a hostess and she knows how bad I feel about myself she likes to rub it in my face when millions of guys ask her out and others tell her she the most gorgeous girl they ever seen. I seen it happen too they give her free stuff it's not right. It hurts to see the difference some girls are treated and the way I'm treated. I live in New York you know they are rude. All my life I've been rejected by every guy I have liked. It wasn't the fact that I was rejected that hurts it is the way they treated me they didn't just say I don't like her they went and destroyed the way I looked which wasn't bad they said I was ugly. The guy I liked more than anyone would see me everyday for years and look at me with hatred really hatred in his eyes it's broke me that someone could be that mean for no reason. They always threw their girlfriends in my face like they were better meanwhile I know they are bullies who made fun of me. I was made to feel like I was nothing and other girls are better than me. I'm still treated this way I know it sounds crazy that what I think is true but I really do get looked at it don't matter how many people is with me I'm singled out. It's sad to feel like no one will like and it hurts is that I'm better than these girls that are chosen over me but it don't matter. Should I just say they are better and not bother leaving house anymore

[snowghost57]

I have never gotten along with my sister and I know the pain you are feeling. Have you talked to a therapist in order to cope with your feelings? DO NOT stay in the house and isolate yourself! Concentrate on yourself! Do what makes you happy! I love to ride horses, my sister came to watch me at my first horse show and I placed second, who cares? I got a ribbon! She was angry and wouldn't speak to me. By the way I haven't spoken to her in 40 years, oh well, I'm happy doing what I like in life. You have to focus on yourself! You are what matters! We have to conquer our thoughts or our thoughts will rule! What choice do you have? Be miserable or be happy? The choice is up to you!

[Barry boy]

I see it like this, the way you feel about yourself inside tends to get reflected back to you by other people. I felt great yesterday and I felt warmth from everyone I met. A big mistake is to look outside yourself at other people for validation, if you don't feel good you have to do the work unfortunately.
Bloody hard work though, sometimes we just need a little bit of luck.
I'm hoping my luck continues:)

[Catherine S]

If you're so full of hate for other people and feel like you want to punch somebody perhaps that shows in your face. To know that they're looking at you, you must be looking at them. Maybe you're staring at them with a big scowl on your face?

I'm never aware of anybody else if i'm in a restaurant or snack bar, aside from glancing around looking for an empty table when I first walk in....entrances can be nerve wracking for some people I know, but I wouldn't know who was looking at me after I've sat down because I'm not looking at them either, but then i'm not a young person any longer, and perhaps ive forgotten how these things can seem important at your age.

We can unwittingly create situations ourselves. Perhaps you're creating yours?

ISB ☺ x

[Bee84]

No you're not displaying strong psychic powers! Most people I see are walking/travelling/eating/attending something alone just like me. When we see couples it says a lot about your own love life. It's like a test. I feel awkward, embarrassed and uncomfortable at times when I see them. So my love life is probably uncomfortable somehow.

I know you're angry but you need an appropriate outlet. It seems you're picking on these passersby's by projecting your angry feelings onto to them. Its a cowardly act of futile vengeance. Some people are miserable in their lives so do scowl at others. They may not notice or care or they might feel you scowled at them and go home feeling inferior like you do.

I think you are a wonderful Lady, a wonderful man could approach you but your anger is only pushing away and rejecting people. It does nothing else unless you use it to change and grow yourself. The circumstances and other people can never be changed by you.

Women are created equal. You are NOT in competition with other women. We need to stick together as much as we possibly can! Craving and siding with men or trying to adopt the behaviour of one never, ever works long term.

Barry boy said the truth, that other people are your mirror reflecting back to yourself (the positive and negative) to you. It really was you doing this to yourself. But no one is to blame. What is the blame? Blame is an illusion. You free yourself when you forgive others and yourself. Forgiving yourself is forgiving others and vice versa because we are all interconnected. You will find that there isn't even anything to forgive as crazy as that sounds. Anger isn't a bad or wrong emotion its just a part of the human condition. But old repressed anger and jealousy look ugly coming from people - not the actual person themselves. Forgiveness is the solution to anger and jealousy.

[Barry boy]

You free yourself when you forgive others and yourself. Forgiving yourself is forgiving others and vice versa because we are all interconnected. You will find that there isn't even anything to forgive as crazy as that sounds. Anger isn't a bad or wrong emotion its just a part of the human condition. But old repressed anger and jealousy look ugly coming from people - not the actual person themselves. Forgiveness is the solution to anger and jealousy.

Good post Bee😊
Very much agree with the last bit. It's very hard to forgive though, but holding on to anger does so much damage to ourselves.

[scaredgirl86]

Thanks for the replies it's difficult to go out when people bring me down. I don't go out with a scowl but m very worried about the way my expressions on face are I have on a very normal expression. I don't pick on anyone if I'm in passenger seat in car waiting for someone in store I usually sit there with my headphones on or I'll talk to whoever is waiting with me and people will stare give me dirty looks. I don't go out to start in with people I try to relax enjoyable my myself and I'm laughed at or given dirty looks.I don't see my body language as hostile or anything different to anyone else there is no excuse for the other people they are the problem. I was never a angry person I was nice to everyone and it got me nowhere. I deserve to go out and have a good time without anyone having problem with me. I don't like when people say I'm the problem I'm not all these years people do nasty things to me and I'm blamed they get away with it. I don't think I know what anyone thinks exactly but when they are laughing right at me there is no misinterpretating that. I'm not envious of these girls looks I hate they are treated like gold and given everything they want when they are not good people. They are not attractive no one has taste here that's not envy it's my opinion. I don't imagine these things it might sound like I'm crazy come live where I do you'll see it's not a nice place if your not sheep who all look same and do same things they are idiots

[Bee84]

There are women I don't think highly of, I'm certainly no feminist!

But they're just doing what they believe is strong and best, they may be wrong and it's excruciating to see as another woman. Especially when men actually like them. But a lot of men go for what's easiest, they won't put up with a challenge, instead they'll develop a preference for masculine girls, bossy, naive girls from other races, young women, bigger girls... A lot of women inadvertently make themselves way too easy to catch and can as we know, go for undesirables just like men do. It's all about convenience it seems. There is real love between people. I haven't found mine yet.

I think it must be a negative filter and rumination about people looking at you. Did you mention it during therapy if you had therapy? When I was a kid I would tell family that I knew people were giving me dirty looks because I'm black and they thought my hair and features looked disgusting. Of course racism is a true disease in our society but I can now barely think about it, I just enjoy the environment. Who cares what they think?

I don't drive but sometimes on the streets people mumble or say something walking past me, that I can't hear... its really weird and its not "hello" they are saying. People want to take out their aggression on strangers on the roads! :D It's easier than confronting people they know that really pissed them off or they won't bother to contain their anger through hard work on themselves.

Very strange behaviours in a big city... people aren't nice... Maybe laugh or smile at them? It shows you aren't bothered even if you are. They might feel so irritated that they didn't get to you.

You say "I deserve to go out and have a good time without anyone having problem with me." You are entitled to choose to have a good time. They are entitled to choose to have a problem with you. You don't need people to be nice to you to give yourself a sense of worth. Nice people finish last. Don't be nice anymore. Stand up for yourself! Nice young girls and boys are walked all over.

Do you feel you're swinging through a inferiority to superiority cycle? You are really going through something here, I'm so sorry if it sounded like I'd suggested you were imagining things!

[nikkinik]

I've been out and had people randomly comment on my looks, each time I'd been keeping myself to myself and so I have found their nastiness really hurtful. I don't judge others looks so why should they mine. Some bloke the other month voiced his "3 out of 10" to his girl friend right as I walked by. I've had some lads say "urgh, her" and pointed at me when I was food shopping(!) it doesn't get more blatant than that and it's downright hurtful.
I don't go about dressed for attention, I don't look for it and yet it's still happened. I can tell myself it says more about them than it does me, yet I'm the one still affected by it all this time later.. :(

I don't go about smiling at everyone I see even when I'm happy because people have said I'm ugly (just like those examples above) and that's knocked my confidence, rather than just be myself I have the view that everyone must see me that way because it's not like positive comments have equalled it all out. Should anyone look at me I assume they're also thinking I'm ugly.

On the very rare occasion I've smiled or made small talk (which is difficult enough considering I have social anxiety) it's rarely met with warmth and that's added fuel to the fire.
I was out with my husband and some girl just kept smiling at him, she glared at me and went back to smiling at him.. Her pretty smile vs my scowl at her - which would be more attractive, yet I'm hardly likely to smile am I.... some people are cruel, shallow, whatever, it's sad and it's difficult to not let it affect the way in which you view the world. I'm sure there are more nice ppl vs nasty ones though..

there was a bloke who spoke to me, just randomly about pens (I was in an artist shop) and it was really nice :) yet the very next day was the "3 out of 10" incident! Lol but People can be nice, it's hard not to let the bad ones upset you, esp if you're already vulnerable.

It's a difficult situation. I've tried to improve myself in ways I can but the negativity does slowly eat at any confidence you have.

People like different things in different people, I don't think it helps to go around thinking you're better than people, just in the same way thinking you're not good enough doesn't either, it's just making you angry. Get it all out there with your therapist and if he/she isn't making you feel better/what she's advising isn't working, then tell them.. They're there to help and a good therapist could make the world of difference but you have to be open to it also :) *she says. :p

[scaredgirl86]

I've been telling my therapist the way I feel but he don't even believe me that anyone looks at me and that's not true. I go out in good mood and it doesn't seem to change anything no one likes me. The guys give me dirty looks or they look then turn heads fast it makes me like I'm not good enough to look at. It seems to be all guys aren't attracted to me and I don't understand what's wrong with me. I've always been treated like I'm ugly and rejected never I don't know what it's like to be liked. I go out check my face and make sure I don't look mad or anything it don't make any difference. I hate the girls they assume they are better they must be right since guys like them and not me.Its sad I've spent years wanting to look like other girls and still at 30 I feel this way. I try to make myself into these girls guys like but that's not me and I'm tired of it why are they better than me