View Full Version : New Job Terror
Hi All,
Haven't been here for a while. Hoping you can help me sort this all out.
I've been studying for 6 years now. I graduated from my undergrad last year and am now doing a masters in a crime related subject. I've worked for myself for several years alongside study which doesn't pay brilliantly but it's kept me going.
I have recently applied for a police related admin job and have been successful. However, the job is full time and I feel nothing but dread. I'm sure I can do the job, this doesn't concern me. What does is that I'm an incredibly free spirited, hardworking person who hates being tied to set hours therefore I'm filled with dread!
The job won't start for a few months but its affecting my dreams, my anxiety and each time an email pings through I'm filled with dread. Like I said, the hours are okay (8am to 4.30pm) and its not far. I've already planned that I'd rise at 5.30 to get my morning workout in as that's essential for mind health for me.
But its taking over my mind and I am dreading it. My husband is so excited about the role and everyone keeps asking about it. I don't want to let anyone down and I know I need to take it. I just want to know if I should follow my gut (which we all know is deceptive when we have anxiety) or face the fear.
I've done a lot of training and this role is in the right direction. I planned to get in there, learn what I can then set up as self employed within 5 years. What if I really can't handle it?
I'm actually terrified and I don't know if its a sign or simple fear!! How do you decipher this?
Even when people say, 'just try it', it doesn't help. I'm crippled with fear and its ruining my life!
:weep:
I've done a lot of training and this role is in the right direction. I planned to get in there, learn what I can then set up as self employed within 5 years.
Well you've got nothing to worry about. I was going to post about having something to aim for longer term, but you already have it.
It might be a nuisance working tight hours for a few years, but its a necessary step in achieving a greater goal.
I'm very much the same, and hoping to be self-employed and doing my own hours in a few years.
Thanks, SLA. But what about the anxiety in the meantime?
What if its been all about the study but the job itself isn't what I actually want? I imagine you'll say to try it and you'd be right. It's an entry level job so isn't even going to stretch me initially. All I fear are the set hours.
Are you working full time? Were you terrified beforehand?
People always have nerves before starting a new job, so feeling anxiety is natural.
However, most people don't have a long-term plan. Knowing that you have a long-term plan, and that you will have to work set hours now, so that you can choose your own hours in a few years should be reassuring.
The fact is, you don't know what it'll be like until you try, and trying to predict what will happen is rarely how it pans out.
What is it about working set hours that particularly bothers you, or seems a problem?
I totally relate to you. I'm a free spirit as well. I resent others making me comply. (It stems from having an over controlling mother I reckon! I have been totally obedient my whole life, and I just can't do it any more.)
There are a lot of workplaces that let you do flexible hours. Do you think this might be one of them? Civil service desk jobs are often flexi time, but not when it's about manning the phone line, for example.
The other thing you might not know is that workplaces have a legal responsibility to PAYE employees to make reasonable adjustments based on disability. If anxiety is getting in the way of your work, you can ask to have flexi time as a reasonable adjustment, and also work from home when possible.
I refuse to work more than 4 days a week on any one job, which has allowed me to grow my own business on the side, which I now work on 3-4 days a week - with no other work. Often in the past I've only worked 3 days a week on any job, and organisations have been happy with that. I've always contracted - never been an employee. It suits me, but it doesn't suit others, particularly if you want to stay in one place, have managers, and sick pay - I don't have any of that.
In my own business, I work when I want to. I take time off when I want to. It's the ultimate flexi time job, being self employed, as you know. Why can't you stay self employed?
I totally understand your dread. When I've been in situations like yours, I've bitten the bullet and gone in, and it's always easier than you think. Always! I promise. Your time to stew before starting is not a good thing - can you stop thinking about it, and focus on something else? It's always easier in the moment than you think it will be.
What helped me when I went into those environments is to be super gentle on myself, to keep focused on small achievements, and to not go out drinking (alcohol makes me more susceptible to getting ill when combined with stress).
5 years is a long time to be in a situation you're not happy with. If it doesn't get easier within a month, I would leave! Time is precious - each day is a chance for happiness. You can't store up those chances for later. Make choices that will make YOU happy now. Find friends that will support your free spirited choices. The world is more flexible than we can understand - make up the rules for your own life.
Go Munki!
Thanks, both.
Lior, sounds like we're very similar. I have a controlling Mum too (and I'm an only child) though she is absolutely my best friend in the world. I'd be lost without her. However, she is very full on even now. It has been a battle, I can't lie. I wonder if that's what the issue is. Never really thought about it like that. Food for thought.
The job is front of house so home based work isn't an option. The hours are flexi though they have requested set hours. I will have some fleixbility if I require it, however. I'm almost tempted to ask if I can work 4 days instead of 5 so I can ensure that I don't let my masters slip; thats vital. I'm not sure if I'd make a mistake in doing that, however. Any thoughts?
Your happiness is the most important thing. If you think it would make you happier to work 4 days, then do it!
https://liorsmith.wordpress.com/2017/03/09/why-ill-only-ever-work-up-to-4-days-a-week-on-any-one-project/
From my personal blog.
You can always change your mind. You could start on 4 then go up to 5, or vice versa.
Thanks, Lior. Whilst I agree that happiness is paramount to a healthy life, we do sometimes have to make sacrifices don't we. I don't think it's be as easy as asking for 4 days as I could lose the opportunity altogether. Then I'd be really upset.
Hence the conflict :shrug:
Make the sacrifices that will create the happiest outcome for you. A sacrifice is giving up a job because you really want kids, or not going out for dinner because you really want to go on holiday, or moving to a new city to be with your partner, or not being slim because you really want cake. What do you get that is positive from working 5 days a week? What's the payoff - what do you gain from your sacrifice?
Just because other people accept being unhappy, it doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
If you ask for 4 days a week, would they retract their job offer, really? Wouldn't they just say no, if they couldn't make that happen for you? What makes you think that just asking them would lead to losing the job altogether?
I am starting a new job in a different state as a Social Worker at a hospital and very anxious but also excited to be meeting new people,my old job was at Parramatta Prison,so this is a big change.
Well done, Lola Lee. Sounds very different. Does the anxiety knock you sideways or is it normative, existential anxiety?
One day I'm really excited about it, the next I'm in a state. It's tough living with this. The problem is that even with changed hours, I'd probably have the same anxiety. It's about trudging through it all.
I just hope I'm following the right path :)
This will sound insane. I'm an only child and super close to my Mum. I see a lot of her and she's 'needy' in a wonderful sense. She likes to see me as often as she can. However, this isn't without its pressures (as you can well imagine) and I think an element is concern that she won't know what to do with herself. I visualise these extreme situations where I imagine her winding down and starting to decline. It's crazy, I know, and I can't live that way. She wants me to do this as she's my number one fan, very, very supportive.
Doesn't stop those horrid worries though!
Funnily enough I've just posted something very similar, about almost getting a full-time job after years of study - I didn't get it, but I was *petrified* that I might, and that I wouldn't cope. Even though for literally years, it's been my dream job. My feelings were very confusing to me and I could see myself in the same place you're in, worrying about having committed and then not being able to get out.
I have figured out a few things:
1. Anxiety lies to us about our capabilities and what is good for us
2. In situations like these, things that look like a good idea when we're feeling confident mostly ARE a good idea
3. I fear feeling trapped in a situation I can't get out of; as soon as someone says, chill out, you CAN leave if you hate it, I calm right down
In practice, what is the worst that can happen? You don't like it; you have a few uncomfortable moments and then you leave in short order. That would be OK, and manageable!
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