I believe I've driven myself mad today

[Shadowwin]

I hate health anxiety.. and I hate what a worry wart it's made of me. for the past several years 4 to be exact I've had a rather bad case of edema in my right leg. I've seen the doctor they did the venous doppler to check for clots it came back alls well. Now my left leg used to have it pretty bad as well but after a round of triamtere (A diruetic) about 3 years ago it went down and never swelled up again and my right leg I've been using a compression stocking on for the past year.

Well in the past month the doctor put me on meds for insulin resistance and sent me to a dietician by sheer miracle alone I've begun to loose weight so naturally the edema will start to decrease as well since it was mostly caused by my weight my doctor ruled but lo and behold I wake up this morning and tada my leg isn't swollen!!!!

Now normal people would be throwing a party right now right? Not me I immediately freaked right out. Why because the first thing I thought is oh no it WAS a blood clot the doctor was wrong (I've been seeing him for 7 years and he wasn't the one to diagnose my insulin resistance so he is NOT high on my list of trust worthy folks these days) the bugger as broken loose and is running through my blood stream that's why the swelling has gone down.. ARGH!!!!!

MY mom had DVT(Deep Vein Thrombosis) when I was a teenager and she used to scare the heck out of me with it tell me how she could die how a clot could break loose and there would be nothing to save her, she traumatized me with this until I reached the point I couldn't concentrate in school and ultimately ended up quitting my junior year plus the lady who sat behind me at work just died 3 weeks ago from a pulmonay embolism caused by a blood clot that had been in her leg so all and all I've been pretty freaked out since this swelling in my leg first began.

I wish I could just be happy but every time I feel the slightest ache in my leg I freak. I mean it's been swollen for 3 years pushing against my bones and muscles of course it's going to hurt when the swelling goes down that alot of pressue!!!! It just drives me INSANE that I know these things for a fact but I just don't believe them...

SO I've succeeded in driving my self to the brink of anxiety central in fact I've got the nausea and other "pains" starting that I always got when I worried myself to death.. *sighs* So yea I'm ready for the loony bin now..

Help..
Trina

[looking4answers]

Trina ...sweetie ..we are all there with you ..or we wouldnt be here..We are all scared..Of living and of dying.. Its natural and I myself is the biggest cuprit of all of it..I worry till i cant deal with worry anymore and i get phobias about bad arteries and blood clots and the most bizarre things you will ever experience..


Geez I grew up on remembering the person on the tv that said that most people die at home or within 25 miles of their homes..On trips believe it or not I would worry till we got past the 25 mile mark..lol..its odd how things can stick in your brain.Right now even .. after a year and almost a half of thinking that i have an anuyrism or bad artery in my neck because I hear my pulse.I have nurses freinds that have seen it all tell me that there is no way I could have bad arteries and anuryisms and do the things I do..They also say if you have one like a blood clot there is nothing you can do about it ,but yet what if you are out walking downtown and a piece of furniture falls out of the sky something that someone is holsting up in the air over your head and falls and kills you .. there was nothing you could do about that.


OR you turn on a light switch and the current grabs you and electtricutes you ..or you slip in the bathtub and hit your head and drown..There are billions of what ifs..We have to live our lives..Yes me included here.I could write a book on whatifs.. but try as hard as you can and say anxiety is not going to torment me ... Im going to keep going and try to live my life and if i die..then at least I was living..I know the feeling well sweetie I live with it everyday but Im trying God knows Im trying and yes I could die..



Im sure im a lot older than you are but just keep trying at least if God forbid anything should happen.. you could always say I lived my life living and at least ill die doing something I wanted to do ..instead of sitting in a corner..Please don't take this other than positive ..


Im dealing with phobias and whatifs too so its easier to tell some how they should overcome it when you are dealing with the same issues and everyday is a little progress and then one day hopefully you will forget all about the whatifs.. God bless and take care..hope something helps here..

[neptuno]

Hello Trina !
When we feel this anxious we all feel like we're going mad. You must understand you are experiencing normal reactions that are exaggerated because you feel so anxious. This is completely curable. Give your body chance to recover and your mind will ease too ......
Be kind to yourself