negative thoughts that wont go away

[1memorable]

Hi, guys new to this site going to try and make this post short.
I started having panic attacks last year at the end of April.Went on a trip and had my attack inside the plane.I've never had a problem with traveling, on the contrary, I love traveling and enjoy airplane rides that's why it was so odd that I started panicking. I started seeing a therapist a couple of months later. The first 3 months of my attacks I still managed to work and lead a normal life I was happy.

August of last year everything changed. My panic went from 10 to 100 in a matter of days. Panic came with several different factors wish I had the time to explain them on this post. I became so panicked I couldn't go out if I went out I cried in the car and couldn't even look outside because it was too much. The whole world seemed unreal and like I was having a bad trip from drugs. My mind started going insane having crazy thoughts.Questioning my existence and feeling like I couldn't tell reality from fantasy. I became extremely paranoid thinking I was going to forget my whole life and end up in a hospitaL. I even became so paranoid I would try to memorize everything I saw and talked about. My mind has calmed down a bit from the crazy thoughts at had at the beginning.I go out now even though I don't enjoy it and still struggle with the dream-like reality. Life and humans have become scary and feel unreal this scares me so bad.

I have become extremely sad and frustrated with my life. I have no desire to live anymore since I'm always fighting with negative unrealistic thoughts in my head. I feel really guilty that even though some of my symptoms have left and I'm more calm and I sleep more now I'm more depressed than ever. How can my symptoms get better but I emotionally feel worse than ever? Can this be an side effect from months of ongoing panic? Is anyone feeling like me? Please answer I feel so alone since I have no one around me dealing with this type of panic. People around me always minimize my panic and tell me to just get over it, in other words, thank you for reading. Sorry for the long post.

[ana]

Hi there,
your post moved me as I could relate to it so well. I've had times when I'd feel so poorly, just like you. I've spent months, years, being in a state 24/7, fearing for my life, believing I didn't really exist, thinking I had brain tumour or was simply going insane.
These are all intrusive thoughts of depersonalisation and derealisation.

Speaking from (16+ years of) experience, you cannot go insane or die from anxiety and panic. Insanity doesn't work that way, you can't be driven insane by panicking.
If you didn't exist, how would you explain the feelings you're experiencing, the thoughts you were having? The trick to silencing these existential thoughts is to accept they could be true. You may exist, but you may not. Either way, what's the difference if you feel and think just the same if this was all a hallucination or reality? This approach has helped me because, the more you fight and fear not existing, the more upset you become. :)

Prolonged periods of stress, anxiety and strain leave us drained emotionally and physically, so what you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. As for other people, they think they're helping you by not making your issues to be 'a big deal'. They mean well, but they can't truly know what anxiety feels like, so please try and not blame them.

[1memorable]

Thank you so much for your reply. I just woke up from a decent night sleep but I'm such bad mood I think it's because Saturday was filled with panic attacks and Sunday was filled with tears so this is like a snowball effect for me. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this weird phase of my life. I really began to think I was the only one in the world with this problem. I hope I can get my life back soon trying my hardest to keep hope alive. Wish me luck!

[ana]

I understand how you feel. For the longest time, I thought I was the only one with this problem and that there was something really wrong with me.
Over the years, however, I've managed to change my mindset by connecting to people with similar issues to mine, receiving therapy, and finding ways to cope. My life is still, to a large degree, affected by my anxiety as my radius of movement is very limited, but my life has not stopped, and neither will yours. :)
I really wish you the best of luck!!

[Aejh91]

Hey,
I suffer from panic disorder, ocd and severe hypochondria.
I am on day 28 of citalopram 10mg and after a really good week my anxiety is creeping up on me again which worries me.
So, like you I suffered with 'intrusive thoughts'. I thought I wasnt normal, I thought I was going crazy and my mind was filled with so many confused random thoughts it panicked me even more. I was begging my mum to take me to a mental hospital.
If you think you are going crazy - you arent. Insane people do not know they are insane, they are completely detatched from reality and fantasy. They think they are normal. So you are not going crazy, I promise. Everything you feel, I feel so I completely get it. I also suffer with the most awful intrusive thoughts which makes me panic even more. It is horrific, but with the right help we will grt better.
Are you taking any medication or having any therapy?
I tried to deal with my issues for so long on my own buy I exploded into the most severe constant panic, I had no choice - I was not rational at all!

[1memorable]

I read on one of your posts that you have agoraphobia right? Can you tell me more about your situation? What caused it and what is it that you're afraid of?

---------- Post added at 17:12 ---------- Previous post was at 16:57 ----------

Hey, thanks for replying to this post. I am not taking any medication I am too worried and panicked about taking them. As insane as it may sound I rather suffer than take them. Last year I started seeing a psychologist but soon after stopped because the drive was too unbearable for me. Couple weeks ago I got the number of a new one and made an appointment but canceled at the last minute. In my head, i feel like therapy won't help me much. I've done major progress on my own. Couple months ago I couldn't even look outside my mom's window that's how bad my panic was I slept minutes in a day and I wouldn't even eat. Now I can sleep a good couple hours and I go outside even drive on the highway none the less with panic and anxiety of course. My problem is that I am not happy about my progress. I feel so guilty because in my head I tell myself that I should be happy with all the progress I've made in a couple of months with only the help of my family but I'm so obsessed with feeling 100% like my old self that my progress doesn't make me happy. Nothing makes me happy, not my family or even my husband who I was madly in love with now I feel like I don't even really love him. I know it the panic and anxiety blocking my real feelings. I just want to stop obsessing over being my old self and be happy with the progress I've made but I can't seem to do that. I end up feeling way more guilty and sad because I am so hard on myself. All I do is torture myself minute to the next. In my head, i am living a nightmare. I am thinking of making another appointment with the psychologist to try and work on my depression and sadness.

[ana]

1memorable, was the agoraphobia question for me?

I think you should definitely consider going back to see a therapist. I understand your resistance towards it and your reluctance, but therapy can only help. I know this from personal experience. I used to think I could resolve all my issues myself and that I didn't need anyone to interfere with my healing process, or God forbid, prescribe me medication. Over time, however, I learned that therapy isn't about the other person doing the work for you or 'messing with your head'. On the contrary, it's all you, your work and your efforts, your thought processes and the changes you make to your emotional state. The therapist merely prompts you and pushes you in the right direction.

[BasileiosII]

Hey guys,
I am new to this forum, decided to join because of existential thoughts that have just started causing me anxiety and (to be honest) out of curiosity.

Memorable, I have had these existential thoughts and stuff but thinking this helped me a lot:
Why would you trust your thought/logic so much over your other senses like seeing, touching, feeling that someone loves you, hearing, sympathizing, e.t.c.? I mean why would all of these be wrong, yet your thought be right? Your thought is nothing more than a sense, you also have other senses. "Cogito ergo sum" is damn wrong, it's the source of all of these crises. We don't exist because we think. We exist because we think, feel, love, hate, evolve relationships with other people altogether.

You are not a mind, you are the sum of mind, body, senses, experiences, you are all of them. The problem lies in you trusing one of your senses (thinking) more than the others. But this itself is irrational.