Ashlee1903
25-05-17, 05:31
I have a problem, and I realise it is so dumb to be anxious about it and there's a lot of things people deal with everyday that are worse. Even things that I've been through that are worse and I haven't had such a disastrous reaction. But we just got a puppy and I have never been so anxious in my life.
After waiting years to get a dog, we got a puppy a week ago. We researched everything, prepared the house, bought all the appropriate things, found a responsible breeder, had many discussion and a visit with the breeder before getting him, we were so excited, I had a countdown going to pick the little guy. I told myself (and felt like I acknowledged) he was gonna be hard to manage as a puppy but it would pass.
My partner and I have just become engaged, been together 5 years and have just moved into our own house a few months ago. Perfect time right?! We've wanted this for so long...
First day we brought him home, I was ok. Since then, I've been a mess. And I don't mean only upset or filled with regret. I cant breathe, I have dry mouth, I can't eat half as much as I used to and the smell of food makes me want to vomit, I have panic attacks every day, my chest feels constantly in pain, I wake up with huge anxiety and can feel my heart beating fast and loud. It's been 8 days.. I feel like I am getting slightly better, but overall, I still feel awful.
I have such mixed feelings towards the puppy. Two days ago I was coping so badly that I went to my GP and absolutely broke down and hyperventilated in his office. I have always been an anxious person, but I have always managed it myself just fine. Occasionally I'll have a meltdown, but it generally lasts a few hours or one day and the next day I'm fine.
I have a little bit going on at the moment. I'm in my final semester of uni, have 2 exams next weeks and I am a judge for state training awards in which I have been going through nominations to shortlist finalists recently.
Until now, I was at a point where I thrived on being busy, loved it, felt accomplished and now I don't have the motivation to do anything. I am constantly tired (even though the puppy sleeps through the night), and am sick of feeling like this every day. I'll go through constant mood swings of liking having the puppy around, to being annoyed by him and not wanting to play with him, to feeling like I can do this and this feeling will pass, to wanting to return him to the breeder immediately.
My GP prescribed me some antidepressants and benzos (Paxtine & Oxazepam) for anyone that is familiar. I have never been on any antidepressants/anti anxieties before and I'm not sure they're even working. I feel I don't cry as much over the past 2 days, but I am still filled with constant dread and remorse, so I don't know if not being able to cry is making it worse or better.
I feel I had a tiny breakthrough last night, being home on my own with him. We did alright. Had a bit of a play together and he played on his own while I barely studied. But this morning, I woke up 3 hours early just filled with anxiety, chest pains and rapid heart beat. I feel like I take one step forward, two steps back.
What makes it worse is my partner, who loves the puppy, is getting upset and anxious over me being anxious and is contemplating taking the dog back so I don't have to deal with it. I feel like I am ruining his life, the puppies life and my own. The thought of doing this for the next 10+ years terrifies me, but the thought of giving him back does too. I have given up on one major thing in my life (uni - after one week - cause I was overwhelmed) and I regretted it and it got to me to the point of breakdowns for 3 years until I went back to uni to it later on in life.
I'm feeling really helpless at the moment. Some peoples stories fill me with hope. But I honestly feel like some of the success stories didn't begin with such severe anxieties to the point of medication and CONSTANT upset/depression. :weep:
After waiting years to get a dog, we got a puppy a week ago. We researched everything, prepared the house, bought all the appropriate things, found a responsible breeder, had many discussion and a visit with the breeder before getting him, we were so excited, I had a countdown going to pick the little guy. I told myself (and felt like I acknowledged) he was gonna be hard to manage as a puppy but it would pass.
My partner and I have just become engaged, been together 5 years and have just moved into our own house a few months ago. Perfect time right?! We've wanted this for so long...
First day we brought him home, I was ok. Since then, I've been a mess. And I don't mean only upset or filled with regret. I cant breathe, I have dry mouth, I can't eat half as much as I used to and the smell of food makes me want to vomit, I have panic attacks every day, my chest feels constantly in pain, I wake up with huge anxiety and can feel my heart beating fast and loud. It's been 8 days.. I feel like I am getting slightly better, but overall, I still feel awful.
I have such mixed feelings towards the puppy. Two days ago I was coping so badly that I went to my GP and absolutely broke down and hyperventilated in his office. I have always been an anxious person, but I have always managed it myself just fine. Occasionally I'll have a meltdown, but it generally lasts a few hours or one day and the next day I'm fine.
I have a little bit going on at the moment. I'm in my final semester of uni, have 2 exams next weeks and I am a judge for state training awards in which I have been going through nominations to shortlist finalists recently.
Until now, I was at a point where I thrived on being busy, loved it, felt accomplished and now I don't have the motivation to do anything. I am constantly tired (even though the puppy sleeps through the night), and am sick of feeling like this every day. I'll go through constant mood swings of liking having the puppy around, to being annoyed by him and not wanting to play with him, to feeling like I can do this and this feeling will pass, to wanting to return him to the breeder immediately.
My GP prescribed me some antidepressants and benzos (Paxtine & Oxazepam) for anyone that is familiar. I have never been on any antidepressants/anti anxieties before and I'm not sure they're even working. I feel I don't cry as much over the past 2 days, but I am still filled with constant dread and remorse, so I don't know if not being able to cry is making it worse or better.
I feel I had a tiny breakthrough last night, being home on my own with him. We did alright. Had a bit of a play together and he played on his own while I barely studied. But this morning, I woke up 3 hours early just filled with anxiety, chest pains and rapid heart beat. I feel like I take one step forward, two steps back.
What makes it worse is my partner, who loves the puppy, is getting upset and anxious over me being anxious and is contemplating taking the dog back so I don't have to deal with it. I feel like I am ruining his life, the puppies life and my own. The thought of doing this for the next 10+ years terrifies me, but the thought of giving him back does too. I have given up on one major thing in my life (uni - after one week - cause I was overwhelmed) and I regretted it and it got to me to the point of breakdowns for 3 years until I went back to uni to it later on in life.
I'm feeling really helpless at the moment. Some peoples stories fill me with hope. But I honestly feel like some of the success stories didn't begin with such severe anxieties to the point of medication and CONSTANT upset/depression. :weep: