Change anxiety - new puppy - please help

[Ashlee1903]

I have a problem, and I realise it is so dumb to be anxious about it and there's a lot of things people deal with everyday that are worse. Even things that I've been through that are worse and I haven't had such a disastrous reaction. But we just got a puppy and I have never been so anxious in my life.

After waiting years to get a dog, we got a puppy a week ago. We researched everything, prepared the house, bought all the appropriate things, found a responsible breeder, had many discussion and a visit with the breeder before getting him, we were so excited, I had a countdown going to pick the little guy. I told myself (and felt like I acknowledged) he was gonna be hard to manage as a puppy but it would pass.

My partner and I have just become engaged, been together 5 years and have just moved into our own house a few months ago. Perfect time right?! We've wanted this for so long...

First day we brought him home, I was ok. Since then, I've been a mess. And I don't mean only upset or filled with regret. I cant breathe, I have dry mouth, I can't eat half as much as I used to and the smell of food makes me want to vomit, I have panic attacks every day, my chest feels constantly in pain, I wake up with huge anxiety and can feel my heart beating fast and loud. It's been 8 days.. I feel like I am getting slightly better, but overall, I still feel awful.

I have such mixed feelings towards the puppy. Two days ago I was coping so badly that I went to my GP and absolutely broke down and hyperventilated in his office. I have always been an anxious person, but I have always managed it myself just fine. Occasionally I'll have a meltdown, but it generally lasts a few hours or one day and the next day I'm fine.
I have a little bit going on at the moment. I'm in my final semester of uni, have 2 exams next weeks and I am a judge for state training awards in which I have been going through nominations to shortlist finalists recently.
Until now, I was at a point where I thrived on being busy, loved it, felt accomplished and now I don't have the motivation to do anything. I am constantly tired (even though the puppy sleeps through the night), and am sick of feeling like this every day. I'll go through constant mood swings of liking having the puppy around, to being annoyed by him and not wanting to play with him, to feeling like I can do this and this feeling will pass, to wanting to return him to the breeder immediately.

My GP prescribed me some antidepressants and benzos (Paxtine & Oxazepam) for anyone that is familiar. I have never been on any antidepressants/anti anxieties before and I'm not sure they're even working. I feel I don't cry as much over the past 2 days, but I am still filled with constant dread and remorse, so I don't know if not being able to cry is making it worse or better.

I feel I had a tiny breakthrough last night, being home on my own with him. We did alright. Had a bit of a play together and he played on his own while I barely studied. But this morning, I woke up 3 hours early just filled with anxiety, chest pains and rapid heart beat. I feel like I take one step forward, two steps back.

What makes it worse is my partner, who loves the puppy, is getting upset and anxious over me being anxious and is contemplating taking the dog back so I don't have to deal with it. I feel like I am ruining his life, the puppies life and my own. The thought of doing this for the next 10+ years terrifies me, but the thought of giving him back does too. I have given up on one major thing in my life (uni - after one week - cause I was overwhelmed) and I regretted it and it got to me to the point of breakdowns for 3 years until I went back to uni to it later on in life.

I'm feeling really helpless at the moment. Some peoples stories fill me with hope. But I honestly feel like some of the success stories didn't begin with such severe anxieties to the point of medication and CONSTANT upset/depression. :weep:

[ginaree]

Hey there🤗
I just saw your post. I went through something extremely similar about 10 years ago. I couldn't stop crying, and really struggled with the change. I'm sure sleep deprivation didn't help me lol. I ended up returning the dog because it was unbearable. I was devestated though. Still have some guilt.
It's good you went to your GP. Everyone's success stories are different. Try not to compare yours to others. You are taking the right steps.
I would suggest holding on and not giving in. Let the meds take effect and focus on things like taking the pup for a walk st a dog park, or even to Petsmart
to buy it a toy. Make it recreational so you enjoy and can associate some positive memories and emotions to them. I hope that helps. You will get to the other side. 💗

[Bigboyuk]

Hi I understand how you feel especially as my puppy who was a pain to train who is now 10 years old now,and one brill companion :) Training can be very exhausting and overwhelming at times, but also so very rewarding too:yesyes: And like ginarre says take the puppy out to experience the great out doors, get it to socialise correctly with other dogs (very important this is) and other ppl too play a game with a ball, practice recall training or simply get the puppy to learn to sit etc it's all good bonding for you and your dog ;) What breed is he/she? Have fun Cheers

[I Don't Get it!]

The OP has seen the other thread about this, so hopefully she found some reassurance from that.

I replied on that thread, but I'm going to repeat it again here because I think my post got a bit lost amidst the arguing.

The same thing happened to me when I got my first dog. He wasn't a puppy, he was nearly a year old but I ended up taking to my bed and begging my partner to return him. I had diarrhoea, was constantly crying and felt terrible dread and fear and nausea.

Thank goodness he didn't listen to me because we had 15 years of unconditional love, laughter and joy with him. I miss him so much and I'd now give my right arm to have him lying under my chair whilst I write this.

I had also longed for a dog my whole life (since I was 5!) and done a ton of research beforehand. I was stupefied at my reaction to him and couldn't understand why I felt so ill and fearful. Oddly, I'd thought he was gorgeous when we went to pick him up and he was no trouble on the long car journey home and I thought I'd love him to bits, I was so excited to have a dog at last.

I didn't even realise in those days that I had anxiety, but it was probably very mild then.

Don't lose hope.:hugs:

[LadyPoldark]

It sounds like you've had a lot going on at once, and sometimes, even positive changes can be stressful, I have been told.
After researching for so long to get your puppy and putting in so much preparation, it's understandable you feel frustrated when you come back home with what seems like a bundle of flying teeth. Believe me almost all puppies present a challenge and you probably look at him now and can't imagine a day when he's not trying to chew your best furniture or clothes, but it'll come with time.
Have you come across any boredom buster type toys, such as Kongs? The ones where you can put food in them are great to keep the puppy occupied if you just want some quiet time or need to study.
Also, I think if as mentioned before, just doing simple training is great to help the pair of you bond and you will find it rewarding when you realise how he is starting to learn. Is your partner spending plenty of time with the pup? If you are really frustrated then perhaps let him do a training session on his own so that you can have some me time...I think the fact that you have these exams and a young pup at the same time, you probably are just trying to put your best efforts into both and finding it overwhelming.
Also some breeds are notoriously difficult as puppies (I have a power chewer and his teething phase was the most difficult) that doesn't mean that they won't turn into an amazing dog. I'm in a bad way with my anxiety right now so I can relate to what you mean about the hyperventalitaing, it's good you went to your GP though! I hope things are going better now.

[Bigboyuk]

Ahh yes mine used to do that one sofa ruined and 3 of her own beds totally my fault for not training as good as I should have done or just left her to her own devices that soon changed with redirection techniques and play time and cuddles, I still lie down next to her on her mat and she snorts gently and gives wet staffy kisses I wasn't a pack leader when I first got her again all those years ago, but I stepped the training up several gears and several years ago and now I have dog that respects me and loves me :)