Help! How to cope/deal with and support partner.

[MeglouH]

Hi I haven't posted before but I need help. My partner suffers from anxiety and depression. It can often be hard to deal with. Example I can say one thing and he will be cool with it, 4 hours later he hates me and all I do is wrong :(
So today I have got back from holiday with my own children (took them straight to their dads after) and I miss them terribly. He just banged on about how little gits they are and what about him and I don't show him any love or give him time or show want (every evening of our holiday I called him to check in)!
I explained I would be worn out and he made me feel guilty for not seeing him the moment I got back and him and his son stay at my house. So I had no choice (or felt like it) and let them stay. I didn't sleep well and woke up still tired and not feel well. He was happy and him and his son knew I didn't feel well so we watched a film and chilled out and he said go nap this afternoon. So we did our errands and I come back to take the nap he insisted I take. When I wake up he is awful. He says I am causing him to feel anxious and I don't understand and he says such cruel things about my children sometimes and I never say anything to his. He said that I don't understand and I haven made them feel welcome. In thirty I don't feel welcome in my own bloody house!!
It's like I can't say anything right and I just get told I'm thick and hat I don't understand and that I cause the anxiety. When I explained I'd be tired ans I didn't feel well and he said he understand and he would look after me then he turns around and says it all my fault and acts distant and moody and tries to pick arguments. He also doesn't let things drop even though me have discussed them and resolves things. My ex did the same and it torn us up. I'm a believer of it's fine resolved and passed. I try to say something it's like he hears all he wants to hear then snaps before he lets me finish what I'm saying. I feel like I can't win and it's getting to a point where I'm worried about saying the wrong thing intact I'm worrying to speak at all. But then I'll get called unsupportive :(
Any advice?

[ankietyjoe]

I have behaved like your partner in the past, without realising I was doing it. Anxiety and depression can create a lot of fear, which is often a precursor to bouts of anger and frustration.

What I did, and what he's doing is not ok. I would try writing him a letter calmly explaining how it makes you feel, without trying to attach blame to anything. Even with anxiety and depression it's up to him to monitor his behaviour.

He will probably tell you that you don't understand (which you probably don't) exactly how he feels, but that doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour. It's not fair.

Putting it in writing is probably the best way to avoid another argument or misunderstanding, and it might be worth telling him you're going to write it down beforehand.

[Phuzella]

Well said Joe

[Catherine S]

Hi Meg, sorry you're going through this and ive touched on some of the issues you talk about here in your other thread about your twins.

Best wishes
ISB ☺ x

[MeglouH]

Thank all for the replies. I'm going to write somethings down I do find that easier. All I'm doing is my best to understand and support and it seem so can't do right for wrong :( I don't want to give up on him but all he does is say hurtful things and be cruel when he is feeling anxious. When he isn't it's like he can't do enough to support us all and want us to be happy.
I want to read up on axiety and how to support better then in no I have done everything, learnt everything to help. That's just my way I won't give up until I done all I can. But if after that it's no good I have to leave.
Where is a good to get resources?

Thanks