Made to feel bad :(

[MeglouH]

Ever since my twins were born (33 weeks and in neonatal natel unit) I have developed an issue with having to have things done, organised, things in certain places, the twins wearing same colour polo to play at pre school, things done my way. If I don't or they aren't I feel anxious or that something won't go right that day.
I think it stems from having the twins and everything needing to be done on time and correctly and laid out and origanised. feeds had to be every 2 hours to start with and giving in a tube which had to be cared for a certain way. Also they had to be cleaned with wipes and cotton wool due to their size and were in incubators, wires and tubes (I was petrified)

When home I continued being super organised. Bottles prepped, clothes laid out, changing bag ready, keys in easy reach if we need to get out quickly. I wouldn't let them stay out until after me and their dad split as I felt only me could look after them and I didn't want to burden people with the huge responsibility. My ex called me a deal and over the top and controlling.

Also things have certain places in my house I like to have certain times to do things. My current partner isn't kind about this aNd says I should understand his anxiety can't take me needing to be organised. He wants my supper and listening and understand Nd cooperation but I don't feel I get it back. Makes me feel silly and shame full for being organised and liking to know what is going on and when so I don't get worked up.

Anyone else have way to deal with this or have similar issues?

[Catherine S]

Babies are hard work...double that for twins. I've got twin grandsons who are 15 now, but I can remember how overwhelmed my daughter was when she brought them home from the hospital. I stayed with her for the first month because her husband worked permenant night shifts at that time, and I know first hand what caring for them involved.

We had charts that we made to record feeds, weeing and pooping and sleeping patterns. This was the only way to keep track of what was going in and what was coming out. My son-in-law would come home at 6.30am, feed the boys, change them and wake me up at 8am so he could sleep. I'd take over from him and give them their morning wash, feed them and tuck them up for a sleep. I'd let my daughter sleep until midday because she'd done the night feeds. That was life until they slept through the night.

You do have to be orginised with multiples, it's not the same as just having two children of different ages, and anybody who shares your life has to appreciate this. Harsh as it sounds, if you have a person in your life who doesn't get it, and adds to your daily stress, it's not worth accomodating them to be honest. You and your children are priority.

Your various routines with your twins are just your way of surviving, of getting through the days. Don't beat yourself up about it. I think the men in your life have made you feel bad about yourself over your rituals, but from the time your babies were born you've been in survival/protection mode and they're still young kiddies so that will probably be your mindset for some time ahead. You'll relax more as they grow up and can help themselves and therefore help you.

If you feel your anxiety about this is too much, why not have a chat to somebody from the 'Twins & multiple birth' orginisation. They're a great support for parents like yourself and you'll find that you're not alone by any means with this.

Take care
ISB ☺ X

[MeglouH]

Thank you for the reply. It's true I do feel I am always the bad guy and can't do right from wrong sometimes. :(
My current partner has things he does which help him so him making me feel bad annoys me and the fact he can't see that annoys me more. Like in my other post I feel I so everything I can. Feeling strange right now.