Need Help! Feeling empty inside....

[Megan99]

Can anyone relate?
So, I've been daydream excessively, you might even call it maladaptively ever since I developed anxiety 7 years ago. The nature of my daydreams are often this. I meet someone in real life, whom I really like(not necessarily romantically) and I begin daydreaming about being really good friends with them. I cannot speak to this person in real life because I am too shy. But in my daydreams we are best friends. It starts of harmlessly enough. But then my life starts to revolve around this person. I am not happy when they are not around. My mind gets addicted to these daydreams. I being to feel depressed and remorseful the more I cannot speak to this person. And finally I end up feeling hollow and empty unless I can be around this person. I know it sounds crazy, but it's been happening to me for a long time with different people. When I stop daydreaming, I feel hollow and empty inside. Could the cure for this be actually talking to the person? Or will that just make my mind more into daydreaming about them?

[times71]

Hi Megan

I guess your post needs to be answered in three parts.

I think you are saying you're daydreaming about person. I think we all do that to a degree. I think we conjure up in our minds the ideal person. You say you are to shy to speak to them in real life should you meet someone. Shyness can be beaten, not only did i beat it (though many years ago) i have seen a close friend beat it.

You mention that in your day dream your life revolves around your friend, and emptiness follows when they are not around. I can relate to that feeling. It's not a healthy feeling. Missing a friend when they are not there is ok, but feeling depressed isn't. You need to learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company.

The last part is easy. Yes, you should talk to the person (they might even feel the same way for all you know) action is always better than thinking.

Good luck Megan

[Megan99]

How do you learn to enjoy your own company though? i am uncertain about who to find myself. I feel like I am just a reflection of what everyone wants me to be....

[times71]

well.

It;s not the place to quote bible verses, but this verse illustrates the point. One of the ten commandments is that we should "love your neighbour as your yourself" In other words before we can love other people we need to learn to love yourself. To love yourself can take some work, rather than dwell on the negatives look at the positive things in your life, how wonderful you are made and how awesome you are. Like I said it may take some practice.

Don't make the mistake I made by trying to be what other people want you to be. Be how you want you to be, you must have goals right? work towards them dude.

So, when you love yourself you can be happy to spend time in your own company. The reason is we like to spend time with people we love, right?

Also, loving yourself, being the person you want will no doubt give you the courage to talk to this person you mentioned rather than just daydream.

hope things work out for you.

times71

[I Don't Get it!]

Megan99, have you ever read the book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elain Aron?

I found so many descriptions of things in this book that fit me to a T. One of which is having a lot of overwhelming crushes and another that explains why my voice disappears to a squeak when I'm crying.

I know you said the fantasies aren't necessarily romantic, but it might still be relevant (or it might not!), it wouldn't hurt to read the book if you think you are a sensitive person, I found it very enlightening.

I think it's quite normal for shy or introverted people to have this complex inner theatre going on! Of course, if it's making you distressed or bothering you then you should seek some help.

[sarahblonde32]

I agree you do need to love yourself before love finds you, or at least be happy with your own skin. A psychic told me that. (doesn't mean much but i still think of it when im down). If you can learn to love yourself others will follow and postitivity feeds postitivity. Just spend time alone doing things you enjoy, sports/gym/music/a run or a walk etc. Take a class or find something you are good at and you can enjoy and feel good from. I love my own company, i went to Australia on my own and im so proud of myself for that! Try distracting yourself with other thoughts? Is there something else bothering you can look at solving? Good luck.
Sarah

[Bee84]

@times71 "I think you are saying you're daydreaming about person. I think we all do that to a degree. I think we conjure up in our minds the ideal person."

I completely agree with this.

Everyone, especially including ourselves, needs to be accepted as they are. People aren't perfect and do come with faults so often will be a disappointment and not live up to our expectations. There'd be no point to living life if we were all ideal selves.

Be careful when you project your ideal self/person onto another as they may be able to tell after awhile. Yes talk to them to kill away the buzz that's on them. Have you ever had someone demand you live up to their expectations and it affected you so badly that you now conduct that same behaviour as a defensive strategy? Do you need control? My mother, god bless her, was like that to me I was never enough just as a being.

You can express or live most of your fantasy thoughts and feelings in real life. I'm on the road to recovery with fantasizing and for me it's been hard and slow! There's progress I'm building on slowly. It's all my burden I alone assigned to myself just as a protective coping strategy but it's no longer needed I rationalize to myself. I think we just need to do/say those things we daydream about in real life and come out of the exaggerated, withdrawn and inward contemplation phase. Easier said than done I know!

Where you say you only know who you are from others and don't know how to be comfortable with yourself, who are you to you? Do you feel like your tough life events have made you stronger? Do you know you have permission to think whatever the hell you want, even when it's something bad about someone you like? What are your likes and dislikes? As someone suggested decide on specific and achievable goals. It will get tough and you may even cry at times but you won't regret it! :D

[Bigboyuk]

Bee So true I know I do feel like this too:) Then sometimes it comes crashing down when things don't work out and then disappointment sets in :eek: But totally relate to this, Cheers

[Megan99]

Thank you all for the replies!!! It's just that the person I am attached to now is someone who will be moving away. And I just regret not talking to them and I wish I had before. I feel so down and I know it's unhealthy because I was daydreaming so much about establishing an ideal relationship with that person that time just passed by me. And I don't even know that person well enough to keep in touch...... I really need to practice some self love and stop looking for external sources of happiness. I just wish I knew the first steps to take??

[jefry]

Your nature is emptiness. It is how buddists say

[BigBoiBenzo]

you need to learn how to love yourself first, othes won't make u happy if you can't be happy on your own

[JoanB]

I can relate. Best wishes in finding happiness hon.