hooray for OCD!!

[this_grey_dove]

the story continues... (for anyone who's read my other posts!)
i still havent been 2 see the counsellor person who my doctor referred me...damn womans gone on holiday!
so meanwhile i've been slowly losing it, so i decided 2 hav a kind of therapy with a college tutor who is a trained counsellor...she seems 2 think I mite hav OCD. I'm really worried that I'm going 2 act "badly" and say abusive things 2 ppl/kill ppl/kill myself on impulse or because I'm losing my mind. i hav 2 bite my tongue sometimes 2 stop me from shoutin random things 2 ppl, but my mind keeps thinkin them like a compulsion but i don't act on it...maybe its just the anxiety goin in 2 overdrive? I'm also obsessd with death in every shape and form and get repetitive words goin over and over in my mind.
otha favourite (anxiety) symptoms of the day...
forgetfullness
confusion
tingling in my lips, hands, feet
short tempered

PS. I'm gay and heard this mite be related 2 OCD in some way!?

[Meg]

I 've not ever heard the gay connection .

Most anxiety is associated with obsessive thoughts to some degree - its the thoughts we get scared of and create further anxiety and symptoms that we then analyse.

There isn't a definative test for OCD but goes in that doctors experience and conclusions. Its often based on the degree of obsessions/ compulsions . 75 % of OCD have a compulsion they use to try to counteract the obsessiveness.



Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[davebrum]

hi dove
i think before you get yourself too wound up you should see a expert in ocd. im not sure a counsellor is the right person to daignose that condition. the feelings you have been having could all be anxiety related i can say that to you as i have and do experience the same feelings and have read many posts on here to know a lot of others also expirience those feelings
im also gay and have to say i have never heard that ocd is related to being gay - i know a lot of us are loud but heay thats just expression lol
xx david

[seh1980]

I agree with Dave. Just try to relax while you wait to see a specialist. Take care.

Sarah :D

[this_grey_dove]

meg...well originally i was scared of these thoughts but now i feel so caught up in evrything i dont even kno if im scared of them anymore or just scared of not being scared of them or jus not scared of them at all (if this makes any sense.) ... im gettin repetitive thoughts about killing ppl and i guess the anxiety is tryin 2 convince me that im not scared of killing ppl-as this is an even more scary thought because it means i am actually a physco (this also may not make sense!) ...i dont think i do want 2 kill ppl, but wot happens if i start believing that i do? also i keep gettin memory blanks and i mite kill someone without knowing. my temper is gettin worse and worse as i get more frustrated...im scared of wot i cud do 2 ppl.
this is way 2 confusing, but i can see a funny side 2 it at least!
grrrr xpx

[Meg]

**i feel so caught up in evrything i dont even kno if im scared of them anymore or just scared of not being scared of them or jus not scared of them at all (if this makes any sense.) ..**

It makes complete sense to me. I've got this well worn T-shirt.

Its been several years now since the last round of these thoughts and I never hurt anyone or myself.

I was totally horrified that I could even have had these thoughts initially - never mind the several months until I overcame them !

As much as I thought I was having memory blanks I never forgot my way home or who I was - I do clearly remember reciting my name and address all the way up the M40 - just to remind myself one day as I was totally convinced I would have a mega blank out. That didn't happen either.






Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[Laurie28]

The memory blanks does ring a huge bell with me as well

One of my greatest fears ... what is I have blackouts and do awful things...

It never happened!!!

I remember finding a dishtowel under the kitchen sink and freaking out ie when did I put that there? I must have been having a blackout etc etc
I remember saying to my boyfriend and him telling me that he might have put it there by accident. I also remember thinking he was trying to make me feel better as I was having these blackouts.

The story probably was that I was doing too many things at once and the dishtowel got out under the sink with a cleaning product I was putting away .... easy done

I know that now but at the time I was a mess...

Lucky

[seh1980]

hey there,

I've been there as well. I haven't had the thing with killing people but have had it with thinking other horrible things. It was nothing that meds and a counsellor couldn't sort out!! It's just a vicious circle that is going around in your head that, in time you will learn how to break. Take care.

Sarah :D

[this_grey_dove]

the last few days I feel like I've made a massive breakthrough in the whole anxiety/panic/OCD thing...i've been so much more lively and back 2 my old self its pretty nice...+ many of the physical symptoms hav gone.
however, i think the thoughts about killing ppl r gettin worse...either that or im focusing on them more as the otha symptoms deteriorate. ive started 2 think more in depth about these thoughts...who id kill/how/where/wen etc. whoeva im with i start 2 think "shall i kill this person" which is stupid coz ive neva even hit anybody before and am generally gd tempered...its not like i fantasise ova these thoughts, but they dont really scare me anymore-this is even more scary tho. i manage 2 joke about it with my friends (who all prob think im insane wen i come out with "im guna stab u!!") i guess i must kno underneath that i wud neva act upon these obsessive thoughts...also my councillor sed that she highly doubts that i will.
i just dont like them...and dont like thinkin this stuff.
xpx

[seh1980]

hello there,

It sounds like your mind has become obsessed with these thoughts which is why you can't just forget about them. Maybe you could come up with something to do whenever these thoughts pop into your head, something that will distract you...

Sarah :D

[frances]

**i just dont like them...and dont like thinkin this stuff.**
I have a similar problem. I haven't visited this forum for a while, as I didn't want to admit to myself I still having these thoughts. I've tried to ignore them, but they've been getting worse and worse. Like you, I am not remotely violent and I know these thoughts are not "real", but they still scare me to death that they are in my head, I don't know where they came from and desperately want them to go. I have no peace from them. I feel frightened of them, and the sense of anxiety and guilt is crushing. I am cheered by other people here who have broken the vicious circle and hope you and I can break ours, too. I have noticed they are worse after a night of a lot of alcohol, but that's the only thing that gets them out of my head for a while.
You are not alone. Take care.
frances

[this_grey_dove]

frances-yerrr, then whole alcohol thing is the same with me. I've been completely wrecked all wkend and now im feeling even worse...i thought i was starting to make progress as well. my councellor told me to replace the thoughts about killing ppl/killing myself with the words "f**k off" and repeat that ova and ova in my head as well...it actually works quite a bit so i reccomend it 4u 2.
gd luck xpx

[Meg]

P
You are making progress .

Having a rough time post alcohol is totally normal and will pass just like a hang over - its not taking any steps back at all.


Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[paul]

hello p ,i myself have ocd and i can say it comes in many forms.its possible you may have what is called the pure "o"side of ocd,the obbsesive thought side.i have intrusive thoughts too,not bout killing but about bad things happening to either me or people i know,from what ive read and other people ive read about with ocd i know that the plaguing thoughts are never carried out,there just horrid thoughts.

its seemes though that your pretty clued up about the obsession anyhow,youve acknowledged you wouldnt carry the thoughts through ,so thats good.

but still annoying none the less lol,

good luck anyhow , paul