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[Turtle85]

Hey I have GAD and panic disorder as well as depression I've had them for a long time after childhood abuse and an attack at 16 I had a total breakdown ended up in hospital and therapy it was a very bad time all my friends left as they didn't understand why I couldn't leave my room or have physical contact. My family really stepped up and I got really close to my mom (no dad around left before I was born then found him at 17 he didn't want to know already had another family) I also got close to my aunties and cousin with alot of hard work I got to a point of been able to cope and wanting to do things I started driving lessons and past even though my anxiety was sky high I was starting to go out more and on my own my family became friends they supported me every step of the way for the first time in a long time I felt positive about the future there was still issues and still trust around men but I was working on it then it all turned upside down and for the last 2 years have been hell. It started with mom losing her job of 30 years unexpectedly I still live at home so unable to pay bills and so on meant we were at risk of losing our home which was really scary my home is my safe zone in a panic we made the choice to start our own business as I was unable to work at the time but tried to tell myself I would be working with family in our own shop and would have more freedom to escape if need be. So we went for it so all the stresses of setting g up a business on top off the house and bills was starting to take a toll but I was on automatic and not really stopping to take care of my mental health.the shop started great but didn't end up working but in the process got in more debt and due to how we were acting in hindesite me and mom were a mess this lead to a complete breakdown in relationship s with one auntie and a cousin who I consider second mom and sister they fell out with us and stopped speaking this was devastating and needless to say felt like my world was falling apart my mom had a breakdown with it all so I tried to keep pushing we had the shop to sort out and try and close before losing anything g else this went on for a year of solid stress and no support then just as we were done with that and handing the keys in and I was preparing to work on healing how bad I had got my other auntie was diagnosed with cancer and had chemotherapy and surgery we were her carers as there was nobody else so the day we left the shop we were at the hospital but fortunately the treatment didn't work and my auntie only had months to live it was the single most hardest thing to watch someone I love die a horrible painful death and hear her fears and see her tears and everynight while sitting in her house knowing she could die any second for the last week of her life she was placed in a hospice and my family was there when she passed I was holding her hand it was traumatizing that was 9 months ago and I feel like I'm in a daze if depression and absolute overwhelming fear I can't get out of bed my anxiety is out
Of control I'm right back at square one. But this time I have no family to help and support as well as complete shock about seeing my auntie die I can't deal with it all I don't know where to start. I know last time I talked but as you can tell from the long ramble which I'm sorry for particularly if it doesn't make sense it just slipped out it 2 years worth of crap I haven't been able to tell anyone which I don't blame everyone is dealing with the death I'm just full up I needed to tell someone even if no-one reads this the first step is to try and recognising what is happening before been able to start healing

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Turtle85 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes: