holidays

[daisy2]

Hello all,

Help!!!! My partner meirion, has just recieved a wedding invite, for his best friend in new york. As soon as he told me i swear my heart started racing. There is no way i can go. We ended up having a massive argument because i told him i couldnt do it. He got really annoyed at me. I dont blame him. He just dosnt understand, he kept saying that he ws afraid of flying and that he was going to do it and so shoud i.
What he dosnt get is that, i am not just afraid of flying, i am afraid of everything. The flying, the feeling of being somewhere i dont know, the constant worry and fear i experience even when i am at home, let alone being half way across the world!!!!!
Sometimes i just feel i am holding him back, maybe it would be kinder if i walked away from this relationship.
I feel so stupid letting every one down like this but i dont know what to do!!!

Nina xx

[southernstar66]

Do not feel alone in this! I have been there! When I got together with my partner the question of going abroad was raised ...I had not done this before as I couldnt get on a plane, was scared of going to a different country, being away from familiarity. However I went on a Fear of Flying course with British Airways and with my partner's support I have managed to fly to several different countries now which I would never have done before. I think the anticipatory anxiety was so much worse than the actual journey and being in the country. I told the staff on the plane and on the ground that I was petrified and I was treated like royality .they are so used to people having anxiety it was such a blessed relief. I have also felt anxious while I have been abroad ...both in Gran Canaria and Cyprus and when this happened I rationalised it by thinking it isnt the fact that I am in a different country it is the feelings within me and it wouldnt matter if I was in England or these other countries I would still feel the same. I distracted myself and thought would I rather be stuck indoors having panic attacks or sitting on a beautiful beach having them and managed to get through and I did feel chuffed to bits that I had managed to get through it all. I really do hope that you will be able to go as you will feel a massive sense of achievement and loads more self confident. :yesyes:

[Jaco45er]

After 10 years, I still freak out when away, in the UK or abroad.

I can't get my head around this "holiday anxiety" its one of the last milestones I need to overcome, so I can sympathise.

I am not scared of flying, just hate being confined with lots of people in little tin cans.

There must be some thought, some mechanism that kicks in when away from home. I can work away, just struggle going away to relax.

A therapist once starting waffling on about my safe place, but I don't buy it.

Or do I just go to Eygpt (in de nile).

A fear of enjoying an occasion possibly? a fear of relaxing? a pressure to enjoy?

I want to get around the damn world again (at 17 I done europe, and lived in Australia as a kid before family hassles) so I hate my anxiety for this reason more than most.

Jaco

[ksmith]

I don't know how practical this is for you but have you thought about sailing to NY? Obviously the big liners go there but sometimes there are cargo ships which will take an amount of passengers with them which is a lot cheaper.

Kay

[daisy2]

Thanks for the feed back,

Its not the flying that worries, its the feeling of being traped, as in i cant get off this thing if i want to, as in i cant run home, which is what i do when i am out and i get a panic attack. Its really hard to explain.

I live in Wales but was born in kent, ( i moved to Wales with my partner four years ago, his welsh, so he wanted to come home) any way last year i went back home for a week to see my good friend, the whole time i was there i had attack after attack. I was so shocked at this, i got to thinking, "god if i cant even feel safe in my home town what the hell would i be like abroad?"
And so the fear grows, when i was younger my mum lived in singapore, i used to visit every year and have a great time, and now i cant even go home and with out this thing hanging over my head.

Add with the added stress of my partner being so cross about the way i am, i just dont know what to do. Any one else have this problem with there family?

Any way thanks again for the feed back, it helps alot just to talk about it with people who understand!

Nina xx

[pa3]

i dont like flying but dont panic nearly as much as i used too. i slowly learned if i wanted to go a holiday i had to do it. i go on the plane early to calm myself down then sit and listen to my ipod and play my gameboy. i sit in at the window with the visor down and dont think about where i am.

i hope you get on whatever u do

pa3

xx

[neptuno]

Hello !
This is a really stressful situation for you with the added worry of feeling like you are letting your partner down, holding him back, ruining things etc etc.... I felt like this last year when my partner booked a holiday in Madeira. As the time got closer I was frantic with worry and panic and deperate to cancel the holiday. I stumbled across a website WWW.emofree.com (http://www.emofree.com) which got me in contact with an EFT practitioner who lived not too far away (but far enough I felt I couldn't travel) and she did some free sessions over the telephone and emailed me some set up phrases to deal with the panic. I would urge you to give this a go. Also you can contact me and I will send you the stuff. Don't give up on this one - I know you can do it with the right help.
be kind to yourself

[daisy2]

Thanks again for all the words,

Wow its mad how this thing gets a hold of your life, i know i have got to try and push myself. Problem is i have kept myself in such a bubble, (so that i feel safe,) but all i have done is made myself worse. My partner is a little more understanding today, although it still makes him angry.
I feel so bad for him, he is a great guy he just dosnt get it, then again nor do i some times he he he

I have decided that maybe i should start small, try going away for the weekend and build myself up to a big journey.

Thanks again to every one

Nnia x x x