elik
02-06-17, 15:25
I am verging on breaking into tears and falling on the floor. My mind is so powerful that even if I do well for a while it comes back stronger than ever to ensure I'm not happy. I have tried to refrain from coming on here so that
I don't rely on this so I indulge more in being closed off towards others. I try SO hard to make sure everyone's happy, no negativity could possibly be caused, but I'm miserable. E.g. I don't feel close to my best friend at all to what we used to be like. I feel we are very different and she isn't that interested in what I say when I do say something encouringing me to remain closed. I stress so hard about how to deal with this as I don't want to upset her but I feel like a lap dog that just follows her around when I see her. I don't want to see her as much as I do and I have no desire to lean on her for things you normally would. I feel I want to explore other friendships because it's stopping me from growing but it's nothing to do with her it's just the way I have stanced myself in the relationship and I'm stuck and feel trapped. I feel intense guilt either way I look at this or look to resolve this. I hate everything I do, feel, act etc and nothing ever results in what I wish it to after all my thoughts
I don't rely on this so I indulge more in being closed off towards others. I try SO hard to make sure everyone's happy, no negativity could possibly be caused, but I'm miserable. E.g. I don't feel close to my best friend at all to what we used to be like. I feel we are very different and she isn't that interested in what I say when I do say something encouringing me to remain closed. I stress so hard about how to deal with this as I don't want to upset her but I feel like a lap dog that just follows her around when I see her. I don't want to see her as much as I do and I have no desire to lean on her for things you normally would. I feel I want to explore other friendships because it's stopping me from growing but it's nothing to do with her it's just the way I have stanced myself in the relationship and I'm stuck and feel trapped. I feel intense guilt either way I look at this or look to resolve this. I hate everything I do, feel, act etc and nothing ever results in what I wish it to after all my thoughts