What happened ?

[Lostinlife]

Hi
New to this forum but I'm suffering dreadfully and I dont know why. I work in a job I hate and my wife and I decided to take a year out to see where we wanted to go in life (we have funds to cover that). So I quit my job at the start of May.
At first it all felt fine then two days after I stopped sleeping, had a panic attack and have had insomnia since. Its devastating and has really affected me. In the throws of panic I took my job back - they were really keen for me to retractc my notice. I thought if I went back to where I started then it would all be OK. Sadly not !

GP put me on Citilopram but I thought that was the cause of my insomnia so he changed it to Sertraline. I really dont want to do meds but now I think that is the only solution.

Now I wake up every morning with anxiety. I'm still going to work but I'm sure they see right through my mask.

I'm trying to connect with people who might relate to what I'm going through. I want to just turn off my mind, but each morning its the same.

I read that loads of people suffer anxiety. Its frightening and frustrating all at the same time. I seem to have sabotaged my own dreams.

I am trying to lead a normal as possible life but it is draining me to the point of exhaustion.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Lostinlife and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[fduop]

Good morning Lostinlife. I can certainly relate and pretty much everyone else here at NMP can also. I am not a medical professional just a follow sufferer. My best advise would be other than just medication is to try meditation. I know you've heard this a thousand times, but the process is to find a comfortable quite place. Focus on nothing but your breathing, breathe in then out.

At first you will hear every noise around you, but do you best to focus on your breathe. As thoughts and worries come to your mind, accept that they are there, then let go. I know it sounds silly or too hard, but Lostinlife it really works. Nearly each day I take walking meditations in a nearby park. There I focus on breathing and walking and simply observing what I see. At first it's hard to let go of thoughts but with practice it gets better. Here are some links I've used on my journey: http://www.selftherapy.org/ is a site with mediation helps that I have used. Also https://plumvillage.org/ the website for Plum Village that has a pile of information on mediation and finding peace. Listen, I'm not Buddhist but I do practice mediation regularly and it really helps.

I know this a lot of information to take in, but there are plenty of free sites out there that discuss in better detail the practice of letting go. Best to you Lostinlife and your family.

[beatroon]

Hi there Lostinlife,

Really sorry to hear you're struggling. Anxiety is a beast, and no mistake. It sounds as though - like many of us on here - you are struggling with a lot of life changes in a short space of time. As my therapist explained to me, change will trigger anxiety, because we are programmed to resist it - it's a hangover from the caveman days when the people who said 'I'd like a change of scene, I wonder what's over that hill? Oh, it's a sabre-tooth tiger...' were often not the ones who had descendants.

In the short term, the thing to do, as fduop has said, is to get your overall anxiety level down, using medication, lifestyle issues, breathing exercises, meditation etc and the support of your family. Once you are feeling better, you can then start to think through the circumstances around this anxiety blip, and what life changes you might want to make in the next year or so.

On a personal note, any kind of change in job status or circumstances is something I find very triggering too - even if it's meant to be a change for the better, I worry that I won't cope and quite often reverse decisions that looked like a great idea from far away, when I was in my right mind. It's when things get close up that I start to panic. The thing to remember is that you shouldn't let anxiety stop you from doing the things you want. In due course I am sure you will make a good decision about what to do about your direction in life, but for now, please know that it is completely normal for an anxiety sufferer to feel overwhelmed by this kind of decision-making process. You'll feel better soon.

[Lostinlife]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I'm finding this so overwhelming and frightening. I just want it to go away but know full well that to make any major decision is not viable at the moment. As soon as I can get the anxiety to clear I can start again.
I'm lucky to have a supporting wife and family and although its hard I've been able to tell them how I'm feeling.
I'll try some of your suggestions. I have tried some YouTube editations which may or may not have helped. I will download some others to listen too during the day too.

I browsed this forum a while before I had the courage to post myself. I can now understand how awful this must be for those of you who have suffered for a long time with anxiety. I count my blessings its only been a few months.

Sending good vibes out to all of you....:bighug: