Hi there! A Confession

[nervousnelly52]

Hi everyone. I have absolutely terrible health anxiety. I have had trouble admitting this to myself, but it's true.

Let's see...

I'm a very moley person, so I always spend long hours staring at every single mole I have. I'll often show them to doctors who will tell me nothing is wrong, but I'll insist on having it biopsied. I've had several biopsied- all have come back benign.

When I get a cough, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my lungs.

When I get a headache, or maybe twitchy hands, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my brain.

When I get loose stools, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my colon.

I have several moles that match the ABCD criteria- in fact, I think most of my moles don't match one or two of them. So, because it's basically impossible to remove all of them, I'm left wondering - always wondering - whether one of these is actually a festering melanoma out to kill me.

All of this stuff is completely ridiculous, and I recognize it. I'm able to separate myself from the thoughts when I'm well or when I'm in a relatively calm state. But I'll have what I guess you could call attacks that are prompted by symptoms, or maybe something I hear on the news, or a discussion with family members. I really don't mean to imply I'm not responsible for myself, but I'll basically feel the urge to google this symptom or that symptom. Before I know it- and this really has happened before- I've spent four hours online, wasting my entire day reading page after page after page, study after study after study, testimonial after testimonial, desperately searching for reassurances.

I think I genuinely know more about melanoma than 99% of people out there now, along with a huge number of other diseases caused by miscellaneous symptoms. It's useful studying, considering I want to go into medicine.

Oh, and I do genuinely have some kind of health condition that we're still investigating (bloodwork abnormal, elevated CRP, all that)- but I either attribute it to a terrible metastatic cancer or don't consider it. My mind bounces from one terrible thing to the next with regularity.

Anyway, one day, like all of us, I really will get some disease that kills me. I want to spend my time until then not worrying about it. :blush: So I'd like to get help, but I'm really not sure how to broach this issue with my doctor without making him take me less seriously in the future when I have actual problems I want to discuss. Does anyone have any advice?

[beatroon]

Hello there,

Well done for identifying the source of the problem, and for coming on here to talk about it! These are great first steps in resolving your angst. You seem very self-aware and switched on about your anxiety and I think that's a great indicator that you can tackle it.

I think that your doctor will take your MORE seriously in future if you are also treating your anxiety. That's the responsible thing to do and any GP is going to really appreciate your candour and willingness to admit your mental health is having an impact. So, I wouldn't worry about how to broach the issue - I would just screw your courage to the sticking place, go into the doctor's office and say 'I want to discuss my health anxiety today.' HA is an incredibly common condition and it's far better to treat it than ignore it. Trust me, your doctor will be pleased that you are doing something to manage it, and there are lots of treatment options which will help.

Well done again for opening up, and let us know how you get on!

---------- Post added at 13:51 ---------- Previous post was at 13:48 ----------

Whilst waiting for your doctor's appointment, you might try to start limiting how much you use Dr Google. I would get yourself a website blocking tool to add to your browser - if you use Firefox, you can get an add-on which will stop you accessing certain websites. It's a good idea to identify your top 5 metastatic melanoma sites or where you go to read about the condition, or to get reassurance - then you just block them. This is likely to be the first thing a therapist would suggest - either going cold turkey on the checking or, if that's too hard, reducing the amount of time you spend checking bit by bit. Good luck! X

[lofwyr]

Hey there, I am another very moley person. I honestly think it is the thing about myself I dislike the most.

For the longest time, I had never thought much about. Then, ironically enough, two years ago today, just before a trip to England, I had this very odd mole on my butt, seemingly show up out of nowhere. It looked *exactly* like nodular melanoma. I lost my mind. Even the doctor was worried, and you don't like to see your doctor worried when you have HA. Long story short, it was benign (I found out at the airport before my trip).

It also taught me a lot about moles, things I didn't want to know. But the one thing I did learn is that, according to my doctor, any given mole has way less than a 1 in a million chance of becoming cancerous. It actually helped me a lot to write off the old moles (I bet I have more than a couple dozen if we count the small ones, just on my right arm). Maybe that will give you some space too. I just keep an eye out for new ones, and try to ignore the old ones who have passed the doctor's test.

edited for some ridiculous spelling mistakes.

[nervousnelly52]

Thanks so much, you guys. I'll try to take that on board.

Glad to know I'm not the only mole maniac here... I've had a few nodular melanoma scares myself. What the heck is with these diseases, honestly? It's like they're tailor made to make us panic. Incredibly rare but don't worry because you can diagnose it with these criteria but oh no there is also this even rarer subset of this disease that doesn't adhere to those criteria but oh no there is also an even rarer subset of THAT disease that is basically impossible to notice because it's skin colored- you see where I'm going with this!

[nervousnelly52]

Sadly...

My Doctor and I wound up going separate ways because he told me he didn't know how to handle a patient with health anxiety like me. Makes me sad, but probably for the best, since he took forever (and I do mean weeks) to get in to see, which I think was probably the absolute worst thing for my anxiety and meant I wound up going to the ER more often than not. I have an appointment to see a group practice and establish care in about eight days! I can't wait.

[sdoxo]

Hi there!

I'm also a super moley person, and I see my dermatologist every 6 months to do a full body check. Oddly enough melanoma is one of the few things that DOESN'T scare me haha. And I accredit that to how much I trust my gp.

Here's an example. I usually get one or two places taken off when I go in. Usually per request, but sometimes bc its what she wants. Mine have all been, knock on wood, dysplastic nevus. Which is not cancerous. The last time I went she took off a spot and I swear to you it was a freckle. Tiny, not raised, all one color, perfectly round. I mean textbook perfect. It came back as mild dysplactic nevus.

My point is.. that spot is something that would have never got a second glance from me. But she knows what shes looking for. They all do. I KNOW its difficult but you have to put your trust in them.

Hope things get better for you :)