nervousnelly52
05-06-17, 09:19
Hi everyone. I have absolutely terrible health anxiety. I have had trouble admitting this to myself, but it's true.
Let's see...
I'm a very moley person, so I always spend long hours staring at every single mole I have. I'll often show them to doctors who will tell me nothing is wrong, but I'll insist on having it biopsied. I've had several biopsied- all have come back benign.
When I get a cough, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my lungs.
When I get a headache, or maybe twitchy hands, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my brain.
When I get loose stools, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my colon.
I have several moles that match the ABCD criteria- in fact, I think most of my moles don't match one or two of them. So, because it's basically impossible to remove all of them, I'm left wondering - always wondering - whether one of these is actually a festering melanoma out to kill me.
All of this stuff is completely ridiculous, and I recognize it. I'm able to separate myself from the thoughts when I'm well or when I'm in a relatively calm state. But I'll have what I guess you could call attacks that are prompted by symptoms, or maybe something I hear on the news, or a discussion with family members. I really don't mean to imply I'm not responsible for myself, but I'll basically feel the urge to google this symptom or that symptom. Before I know it- and this really has happened before- I've spent four hours online, wasting my entire day reading page after page after page, study after study after study, testimonial after testimonial, desperately searching for reassurances.
I think I genuinely know more about melanoma than 99% of people out there now, along with a huge number of other diseases caused by miscellaneous symptoms. It's useful studying, considering I want to go into medicine.
Oh, and I do genuinely have some kind of health condition that we're still investigating (bloodwork abnormal, elevated CRP, all that)- but I either attribute it to a terrible metastatic cancer or don't consider it. My mind bounces from one terrible thing to the next with regularity.
Anyway, one day, like all of us, I really will get some disease that kills me. I want to spend my time until then not worrying about it. :blush: So I'd like to get help, but I'm really not sure how to broach this issue with my doctor without making him take me less seriously in the future when I have actual problems I want to discuss. Does anyone have any advice?
Let's see...
I'm a very moley person, so I always spend long hours staring at every single mole I have. I'll often show them to doctors who will tell me nothing is wrong, but I'll insist on having it biopsied. I've had several biopsied- all have come back benign.
When I get a cough, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my lungs.
When I get a headache, or maybe twitchy hands, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my brain.
When I get loose stools, I think I have metastatic melanoma in my colon.
I have several moles that match the ABCD criteria- in fact, I think most of my moles don't match one or two of them. So, because it's basically impossible to remove all of them, I'm left wondering - always wondering - whether one of these is actually a festering melanoma out to kill me.
All of this stuff is completely ridiculous, and I recognize it. I'm able to separate myself from the thoughts when I'm well or when I'm in a relatively calm state. But I'll have what I guess you could call attacks that are prompted by symptoms, or maybe something I hear on the news, or a discussion with family members. I really don't mean to imply I'm not responsible for myself, but I'll basically feel the urge to google this symptom or that symptom. Before I know it- and this really has happened before- I've spent four hours online, wasting my entire day reading page after page after page, study after study after study, testimonial after testimonial, desperately searching for reassurances.
I think I genuinely know more about melanoma than 99% of people out there now, along with a huge number of other diseases caused by miscellaneous symptoms. It's useful studying, considering I want to go into medicine.
Oh, and I do genuinely have some kind of health condition that we're still investigating (bloodwork abnormal, elevated CRP, all that)- but I either attribute it to a terrible metastatic cancer or don't consider it. My mind bounces from one terrible thing to the next with regularity.
Anyway, one day, like all of us, I really will get some disease that kills me. I want to spend my time until then not worrying about it. :blush: So I'd like to get help, but I'm really not sure how to broach this issue with my doctor without making him take me less seriously in the future when I have actual problems I want to discuss. Does anyone have any advice?