GAD or Cyclothymia?Please help!!

[george11]

Hello to everyone!
I got my first panic attack before 8-9 years.i am a
proffesional singer.I didnt have any problems with family or money or
something else , just one day i make a panic attack and i didnt know what is
this.I went to doctor and he puts me on seroxat(paxil).i was at 20mg paxil
almost 4 years and i was feeling good.i decide to stop it.2 months after
stopped the seroxat i start feeling electric shocks and too much other
anxiety symptoms.So after 2 month off seroxat i got bad.i went
again to doctor and he puts me again on seroxat.this time didnt work.After
this the doctor put me on effexor for one month 300mg didnt work but made me feel really bad,something like anhexodia and empty feelings(depressed)After this i changed the doctor and the new one puts me on anafranil(clomipramine)i start feeling better but after 4-5 months i was feeling thats its not working the same like i started.The doctor add to the clomipramine the ludiomil(maprotiline)i became a littlebit better but for a little.So i tappered the anafranil from 100mg to 25mg for a week and stopeed everything.I think my job is a big problem.i have to sing at the stage for 400-500 people and i got very anxious when i do this.every time that i am singing i get severe distress!
Iam 2 years off any meds and the main problem is my anxiety!I get anxious many times without reason at all!
i experience alternating bouts of anxiety and depression and sometimes both anxiety and depression at the same time!One day i have more depression and the other day less depression and more anxiety,it's very strange!Every day is different!
What i see is that i have wave of mild/modarate depression that comes for some hours/2-3 days the max and then goes away!I can call it "depression attack".They can last anywhere from hours to 2-3 days, and then they suddenly vanish and return to normal!Is this normal to happening?Iam afraid that maybe is cyclothymia??I don't have other symptoms of cyclothymia!
Can you please help me?
Thanks in advance!!

[Mona38]

Hello,

I have Cyclothymia (apparently) for which I take Lithium and I have mood swings of about four or five days at a time: high, low, high, low... I have also had OCD since I was twelve and now I am going through hellish anxiety. I have joined lots of forums for each issue and then I realized that finally it doesn't matter about labels. This is just as the French say a question of "malaise" whatever it is. I think labels are helpful if they allow you to find solutions to suffering but I am often not much better off knowing I have Cyclothymia. I understand that I have OCD to cope with the highs and lows. My brain is looking for order. I am glad to have understood that but I have been anxious for as long as I can remember.

My only symptoms of Cyclothymia are the mood swings, bleak apathetic lethargic lack of confidence lows and very hyper very confident happy highs. Nothing else.

If I am feeling really bad then I am also feeling anxious...and when all is far too fine I feel I could climb mountains (so not anxious at all).
Lifestyle changes are essential. Exercise saves me and so does seeing people enough but not too much, eating well but not too much and getting enough sleep. I am a musician too (no longer but that was my job) and it's a very tough life. You need to look after yourself to cope with the sort of life it brings. You need to take care of yourself if you are fragile.

I panicked lots when performing. It wasn't for me in the end but it is a wonderful experience playing with others.

[george11]

Thanks for your reply Mona!
What do you mean very hyper?My anxiety is like free floating,at the one moment i get anxious,feeling on the edge,inner tension ,then i calm down, sometimes some depression for a while and like this.I dont have highs that i feel very happy!Everytime is different!Do you think that this is cyclothymia?
Thanks in advance!

[Mona38]

Hyper: can't sleep, so energized that I go from post to post like something pluggedinto a socket but often I am REALLY irritable and frustrated at the same time. I'm a ticking bomb when I'm like that and I hate it for my family and for me too. Hype is also thinking NON stop all the time, ruminating....speaking fast and being really over enthusiastic (happy or otherwise). I am never really happy as such. I have pockets of happiness and that is enough. It is never a state with me and I don't mind anymore. Fighting (as my psy tells me) just exhausts me when I am down. Accepting it helps. Making it my friend. I have no idea if oyu have Cclothymia as I have had it only as a diagnosis since December though I guess I have had it since I was a teenager. You could be cyclothymic. If it makes you struggle or makes you unhappy check it out. You could just be stressed by the music profession which is so hard as I said even if it is a wonderful life. Good luck. Try not to worry about worrying as you'll have double worry! Ask a doctor (but take a mood chart for the month if you have the patience to wait a month) and then accept what you are told, take exercise, sleep, don't drink too much and see if things improve.

[george11]

Sometimes its little hard to fall asleep but when i fall asleep i sleep ok 7-8 hours.
I get periods of Hyperactivity and I would call the feeling more of a high, whereas with anxiety its more of a tense, worry.
Thanks Mona!