How much should one push oneself?

[Mona38]

I have always been anxious. I don't remember NOT being so. I think of myself as courageous because even though the things I do (like go to work, go to town etc) are what some people do easily, I don't.
I try to push myself. I took a flight abroad to see a friend in January. I thought I was going to die I was so scared! I was miserable and homseick and it was only a weekend! I was sure I would never see my family again and that I was actually not going to make it. I went and I'm pleased I went as I could tick that box (stupid I know) but it made me realize just how debilitating my anxiety is. Fast forward to June. This weekend I have arranged to go to the sea with friends. My idea! We are taking it in turns to drive. After a car crash years ago I am a VERY nervy driver but don't want to say so nor be selfish and just enjoy the ride so I will drive too...on motorways which I am terrified of! I am trying to trick my brain into finding regular things okay but the lead up to anything I do like this is punishing. I cry like a baby, I don't sleep, I feel sick...I am quite agoraphobic. If I can't be sure I can get away from a situation I get really worried.

I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't stop these challenges but then I wouldn't really live! I am hoping I will get stronger. Does anyone else find that by pushing themselves they get stronger? I have nothing to lose really. I am a wreck before I do anything so I think going out can't be much worse. I hate being like this but I don't seem to change so I wonder if I should just push on, accept my lot and try not to NOT feel that way (which makes me demoralized as I can't achieve it). Of course I'm thinking I could cancel this weekend but I won't. The sad thing is that it will be fun surely. I just try to survive this time though and long for Sunday night. It's as if I dissociate the rest which is a shame. Maybe mindfulness helps...I do a little. Perhaps it'd teach me to go bit by bit and I wouldn't then be able to imagine the worst.

[snowghost57]

I don't call it pushing, I call it challenging my anxiety. This is what I do.


Take an index card and write these steps down and you are to challenge your thinking.

A. Include only Facts (situation) Just the facts ma'am!

B. Thoughts or beliefs (your-self talk) What is your spinning brain telling you?

C. Feelings- how do you feel as a result of your thoughts. Scared? Nervous?

D. Dispute thoughts or beliefs. What is really going on? Challenge your distorted thinking.

I thought I was to apply it to a stressful or upsetting situation. She told me, no I should be using it at least 10 times a day to re-train my brain to not to jump to anxious and unreal thoughts.

So I've been practicing it today and it really works!



I still have to put a halt to my thinking sometimes, I asked her yesterday how do I stop a thought from getting out of control?


Question the VALUE of my thoughts. Is this thought any assistance to me? Is it keeping me from what I need to do right now?


Hope this helps.

[Mona38]

Really good advice. I will try thank you. I most hate crying like a child when I am scared of doing something I can't get out of!

[kendra2]

It's kind of hard to find that right level of pushing yourself into something. I believe that these challenges will make you stronger, but it's very important to do it right way, otherwise you can end up feeling even more scared that you are now. The perception of danger is the key here. You need to stay in the situation you are scared of until your anxiety disappear and you got it, on a gut level, that it's safe to be there. If you leave sooner than that, your brain will remember the situation as dangerous and you might end up being scared of it even more than before. So if the things you are trying to do right now are too much for you, maybe you could try something less frightening and build your courage over time. Meanwhile, as snowghost57 mentioned, you can work on your negative thoughts, that will help you tons. In my experience, it's also important to accept anxiety when you do these exposures, not to fight it or control it in any way, just let your body do whatever it needs, cause the more you fight it, the longer it stays. Sometimes, (when I find courage) I try to freak out as much as I can, make it even worse. That's usually my turning point when I realize how ridiculous my thoughts are and my anxiety starts to disappear. Hope this helps :)