PanicWolf
09-05-07, 00:38
Hello, I'm new here. I turned 18 in March and have had anxiety issues since november of 2005.
It all started in biology class, we were studying about the heart. I remember watching videos of beating hearts and hearing stories about them stopping suddenly with no warning. Normally this stuff didn't bother me, but I think the sudden death bit might have triggered it. I remember feeling very ill almost at the end of the class and I asked if I could phone home, apparently I was very pale too. When I was walking down to the office, I started to drive heave, and when I got there, they brought out a bin quickly and I vomited.
Ever since then I have been afraid of dying suddenly. It started off with anxiety of it and eventually it turned to full blown panic attacks. I know its irrational, I know its very unlikely at my age too, but the panic seems to override it. I know what the cause is from, but I don't know how to fix something I learned in school.
Something else that has added onto my anxiety and stress is a family issue. Some family members were seeking help, so we took them in, thinking it would only be for the four months. Four months pass, it turns to 6 and now its 8 months. With them they brought the drama and legal issues. Whats worse is I've found that I don't like my cousin who has moved in 'temporarily' because of her insulting my dog, causing conflicts and having an elitest attitude and disrespecting me. Maybe its because shes younger but I'm not here to bash on her, but its a few things that bring my stress and anxiety attacks up. My anger and panic attacks have been rocketing upward and I find my neck muscle tensing too much at times, almost cramping.
I tend to spend quite a of time on the computer because I use it for various different things, such as 3d modelling, artwork, research and of course entertainment(if I have something else to do, I'll do it.. especially if its priority.) My computer is in the basement in the family room. That is where everyone hangs out and I find myself holding back rage and taking a lot of stress from the extra bodies and their chatter. I find it hard to be alone to just cry or get away from everyone so I can release my emotions. Normally I just play a videogame to vent or talk to a friend but everything is just so confined. And I notice when I become more stressed, I get more panic attacks.
I have had my computer in my room, but my parents complained about me being in my room a lot. I was in my room a lot to get away from everyone and since moving my computer back down here, my parents see that maybe since my panic attacks have only gotten worse I should move it back up. I'm still deciding if I should.
I also started getting depressed near my 18th birthday, I felt like the situation had taken a chunk out of my life. I felt like I lost apart of being 17 in a sense. I feel like I'm wasting time and that death is coming a lot. I'm unsure of myself, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Right now I just really want things to calm down and I want to shake this fear of dying. Sometimes I'll be walking along and I'll be afraid of someone pulling out a gun and shooting me. Its really hard to type this and not cry.
I've seen doctors and I have a psychiatrist who doesn't really listen. I don't think I need a psychiatrist as much as I need to overcome this. I've been able to pull myself up with hard work before, I just need to know what to do.
Perhaps I've said too much or things that were not needed, but I suppose I needed to find a way to vent and see what other people who understand have to say.
Thanks for reading.
It all started in biology class, we were studying about the heart. I remember watching videos of beating hearts and hearing stories about them stopping suddenly with no warning. Normally this stuff didn't bother me, but I think the sudden death bit might have triggered it. I remember feeling very ill almost at the end of the class and I asked if I could phone home, apparently I was very pale too. When I was walking down to the office, I started to drive heave, and when I got there, they brought out a bin quickly and I vomited.
Ever since then I have been afraid of dying suddenly. It started off with anxiety of it and eventually it turned to full blown panic attacks. I know its irrational, I know its very unlikely at my age too, but the panic seems to override it. I know what the cause is from, but I don't know how to fix something I learned in school.
Something else that has added onto my anxiety and stress is a family issue. Some family members were seeking help, so we took them in, thinking it would only be for the four months. Four months pass, it turns to 6 and now its 8 months. With them they brought the drama and legal issues. Whats worse is I've found that I don't like my cousin who has moved in 'temporarily' because of her insulting my dog, causing conflicts and having an elitest attitude and disrespecting me. Maybe its because shes younger but I'm not here to bash on her, but its a few things that bring my stress and anxiety attacks up. My anger and panic attacks have been rocketing upward and I find my neck muscle tensing too much at times, almost cramping.
I tend to spend quite a of time on the computer because I use it for various different things, such as 3d modelling, artwork, research and of course entertainment(if I have something else to do, I'll do it.. especially if its priority.) My computer is in the basement in the family room. That is where everyone hangs out and I find myself holding back rage and taking a lot of stress from the extra bodies and their chatter. I find it hard to be alone to just cry or get away from everyone so I can release my emotions. Normally I just play a videogame to vent or talk to a friend but everything is just so confined. And I notice when I become more stressed, I get more panic attacks.
I have had my computer in my room, but my parents complained about me being in my room a lot. I was in my room a lot to get away from everyone and since moving my computer back down here, my parents see that maybe since my panic attacks have only gotten worse I should move it back up. I'm still deciding if I should.
I also started getting depressed near my 18th birthday, I felt like the situation had taken a chunk out of my life. I felt like I lost apart of being 17 in a sense. I feel like I'm wasting time and that death is coming a lot. I'm unsure of myself, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Right now I just really want things to calm down and I want to shake this fear of dying. Sometimes I'll be walking along and I'll be afraid of someone pulling out a gun and shooting me. Its really hard to type this and not cry.
I've seen doctors and I have a psychiatrist who doesn't really listen. I don't think I need a psychiatrist as much as I need to overcome this. I've been able to pull myself up with hard work before, I just need to know what to do.
Perhaps I've said too much or things that were not needed, but I suppose I needed to find a way to vent and see what other people who understand have to say.
Thanks for reading.